Do you consider yourself among “the forgiven”?

            British Nurse Edith Cavell was executed in 1915. German authorities claimed she had assisted Allied soldiers in escaping from Belgium to the Netherlands.

            World War I witnessed the deaths of 9.7 million combatants during its duration, so what makes Nurse Cavell stand out? It was the spirit in which she died. True, she had allowed the hospital under her control to be used by the underground, but the execution of a civilian nurse was not within the rules of war! Nevertheless, just before her death, she breathed these words, “Patriotism is not enough. I must have no hatred or bitterness toward anyone.”

            Could you have been that forgiving? Perhaps you are struggling to forgive some neighbor, co-worker, or family member who has barely slighted you. Although forgiveness is tough, we must not forget the words of Christ in Mark 11:25-26: “And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses.”  

            We do want God to forgive us, don't we?

            Many of us are like the little girl who started fighting with a friend. Her mother, who heard about the quarrel, talked with her daughter and tried to show her she was wrong and that she needed to ask God's forgiveness.

            Accordingly, when the little girl kneeled to pray, she humbly asked, “O God, please forgive me for getting angry and quarreling with Charlotte.” (So far, so good.) But the wrong disposition was still there, for the child went on, “And make Charlotte come to me and ask my forgiveness. O Lord, give her no rest until she is sorry and comes and tells me so!”

            That reminds me of what Peter asked our Lord in Matthew 18:21, “…Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?” 

            Did you notice what Peter did not ask? Peter did not ask, “Lord, how oft shall I sin against my brother, and he forgive me? till 7 times?”  Oh no! We tend to see ourselves as the offended, righteous ones. We are always quick to see the faults of others and we really don’t like to admit our own faults.

            Peter wasn’t concerned about how often he would need forgiveness; he just wanted to do what we all (in our human nature) want to do --- Peter wanted to “draw a line” somewhere, after which someone crossed, he would be justified in being bitter towards that person.

            Jewish Tradition taught him to forgive three times so Peter must have been extra proud of himself for offering to more than double that!  But, even at “double”, Peter still wanted to set some kind of a limit on his forgiveness.

            Now, even forgiving someone three – or seven times – for the same offense, in the same day, is hard to imagine, but can you almost see the incredulous look on Peter’s face when Christ gave this reply, “…I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.”?

Jesus wasn’t telling Peter to get a little book and start recording his friend’s faults until he reached number 490.  (Most of us don’t need a little book because we do a pretty good job of remembering faults!) Jesus was teaching what we find is one of the hardest things in the world: total and unlimited forgiveness. We want to leave ourselves an “out” – so we can justify ourselves (our anger, bitterness, self-pity) after a certain point. We don’t want to leave ourselves at the mercy of others! BUT.......Jesus commands us to forgive and forgive and keep on forgiving.

            What exactly is Jesus asking us to do?  What does it mean to forgive?

Biblical forgiveness is a 3-fold promise.

First, it is a promise never to bring “it” up again (to them or anyone else).

Second, it is a promise not to dwell on it personally again.

Thirdly, it is a promise to pursue an (appropriate) restored relationship.

By the way, that second promise is where the battle against bitterness is won or lost.  You’ll be going along just fine and all of a sudden the thought of that injustice will come back into your mind.  All at once, the same emotions of hurt and pain spring back up – just like it was yesterday.  If you allow yourself to dwell on it for even a moment you’ll be defeated in your quest to forgive.

            Albert Barnes defined forgiveness like this: “To forgive is to treat as though the offence was not committed…” David Augsburger said: “Forgiveness is acceptance with no exception.  It accepts not only the hurt you’ve received, it accepts the one who did the hurting, and it accepts the loss caused by the hurtful actions or words.”  Charles Stanley said, “Forgiveness is the act of setting someone free from an obligation to you that is a result of a wrong done against you.” Forgiveness is like issuing someone a complete pardon whereby we totally release the offender. 

Forgiving is a process of giving up and giving forth. We have to give up our demands for retribution and revenge. We give up the angry picture of that wrongdoer. We give forth a new trust in that individual -- as it is appropriate. We give forth an effort to establish a new relationship, by working past that initial “awkward stage”.

NOTE: Some relationships should not be restored. It is often unwise to go back to an unrepentant abuser; however, your anger can be released.

We CAN give up the old patterns of brooding – for the sake of healing! 

Ephesians 4:31 describes the old emotions as a downward spiral of bad feelings. It all started with a wounded spirit. Pride caused the wound to fester (“I don’t deserve this....  I want my rights... I have been used...”). As the feelings get stronger, we digress into bitterness (poison in our system), wrath (inward burning), explosions of angry words, and even feelings of malice and spite (an inner desire to hurt someone or see them hurt). We have to get off that downward spiral and start on the upward path of healing called “forgetful forgiveness”.

David Augsburger described that healing process. “...Forgetful forgiveness is not a case of holy amnesia that erases the past. Instead it is the experience of healing that draws the poison from the wound….You may recall the hurt but you will not relive it!!”  That’s what it means to forgive and forget.

            Two little boys had quarreled angrily. But the next morning Johnny took his cap and headed for Bobby's house again. Surprised, an older member of the family said teasingly, “What?! You’re going to play with him again?!  I thought you said yesterday that you were never going to have anything more to do with each other?!” Johnny looked a little sheepish, dug his toe into the carpet for a moment, then flashed a smile as he explained, “Oh! Bobby and me's good forgetters!”

            Can God make me a “good forgetter” after all I have gone through?  Absolutely!

            But why should we even try to forgive? We didn’t deserve to be treated that way. We didn’t deserve those kinds of words. They don’t deserve to be forgiven! (Probably true) So why should we forgive?

            Remember this, dear friend. Forgiveness is not our choice; it is our obligation. Jesus didn’t give us a suggestion to forgive; He gave us a command. We don’t need more faith or special feelings or more love — we simply need to obey God! And by the way, we didn’t deserve for God to forgive us either.

            Whenever we are struggling to forgive someone it will help if we will pause to think of how Christ has forgiven us. When God forgave us, He basically said, “Case Dismissed!”  All of my debts to God were paid in full. My sins are all gone! The relationship is restored. Our usefulness is returned. And God didn’t put us on years of trial and probation like we want to do with others who have hurt us. What if God said, “I forgive you, but I’m not letting you into heaven.”?  Or, “I forgive you, but don’t ever talk to me again.”?  Thankfully, God doesn’t forgive partially; but fully, freely, and forever! 

            It also helps to think of the offender as just a human being – like yourself. (We all need forgiveness at some time.) Think of the offender as someone for whom Christ died – whom God loves. Think of every incident as the first thing they’ve ever done against you. Pray for that person. Most of all draw upon God’s strength and allow Him to take the hurt out of the memories.

Is there anyone you feel you may have offended, and you’ve never gone to them, made an honest confession, and sought a restored relationship or sought to erase the tensions?  Why not do it today?

Is there anyone you have failed to forgive? Maybe you’re just waiting for them to come and admit they were wrong? Maybe you said you forgave them, but the relationship was never truly restored, and you still brood about it and dwell on it, or it just might be that you secretly enjoy sharing it with others. The truth is: you haven’t yet truly forgiven, would you do it today?

God CAN help us to forgive!