Three Secrets of “Forever Love”

             I would like to share with you what I believe are THREE KEY SECRETS that can change any relationship and salvage any marriage. These are not my ideas, but they are very simple principles based upon the Word of God. 

            The tendency is to become so despondent about our situation that we give up trying.  We’ve begged, pleaded, threatened, gone to counseling, talked with friends --- and nothing seems to work. But let me assure you today: these three principles are guaranteed to work!

            Do you realize that God is still in the business of building happy homes?

            There’s no problem God can’t solve. There’s no marriage that God can’t heal. There’s no person that God can’t change.  (The problem is we always think it’s the other person that needs changing!) There’s no child that God can’t rescue. There’s no marriage that God can’t improve – if we’ll just listen!

            As we begin, I would like to warn us about being needlessly discouraged. I mean, sometimes we hear a sermon or read an article like this and go away feeling like “we’re not doing anything right”.  Never forget that there is no such thing as a “perfect marriage”, and always remember that our neighbors are struggling with the exact same things as us. There’s always something more to learn!

            I took this short paragraph from the Reader’s Digest: “Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap. I carefully removed his glasses and said (sweetly) “You know honey, without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married.” With a big grin, he answered, “Honey, without my glasses, you still look pretty good, too!!” 

            Another story I found was about a couple who had only been married a week. The new husband came home one evening to find his wife in tears. “You know the dinner I cooked for your tonight, honey???  The dog ate it!” “Don’t worry about it, sweetheart,” replied the man. “I’ll get another dog.”

            Marriages may be made in heaven, but they have to be lived on earth!

            Think about this: Many people in this world have absolutely no idea what true love is all about! In fact, most people that get married have no idea what true love is when they get married.

            In the Greek language there were three words that were translated “love”. The first was the word “Eros”. It’s described as a fleshly, sensual type of emotion. We get our English word, “erotic”, from this word. This word, “Eros”, is NOT found in the Bible anywhere – although its actions (“lusts”) are described and denounced.

            The second word is “Phileo” (meaning “friend”). This word, “phileo”, and its derivatives are found 29 times in the Bible. It describes a friendship type of love. It means to be fond of or to be affectionate to someone.

            The third word is “Agapeo”. This is the word that God always uses when the Bible describes the love of God for mankind. It is the love that is like God’s love. It is the love of choice!

            “Agapeo Love” is completely unselfish, totally sacrificial, and always evidenced by giving! It lasts forever! It is so committed that there is nothing the object of your love can do to stop you from loving them!

            God wants us to build our marriages upon this last type of love.

            There are all different kinds of emotions that we mistake for true, “agapeo” love; but they are unfortunately only cheap substitutes. One such substitute is what someone labeled, “emotional love”.

            “Emotional love” is strong feelings that just seem to happen! Now, don’t get me wrong; strong emotions are wonderful!!! I like them!! There’s nothing wrong with that tingly feeling (within marriage)! “Emotional love” IS real AND IS strong! BUT…“Emotional love” is NOT always of God. 

            The best Scriptural example of this is Solomon. He “fell” in love over 1000 times!

            How do you know when “emotional love” is not of God?  First, when it contradicts the Bible. Second, it is always wrong if you have to cheapen yourself to get it. Third, it is always wrong when it is outside the bounds of marriage.

            The feelings of “emotional love” may not be easily controllable. But, while you cannot control your feelings; you CAN control your actions.

            The second type of strong feeling called “love” is what someone called “acquired love”. It is the love that comes by learning about someone AFTER marriage. Boy, were we ever in for some big surprises after we got married?! You probably never knew that someone could be so messy – or have such stinky feet or annoying habits!!

            “Acquired love” is much stronger than “emotional love”. It is the love that comes from going through trials and hardships together. It is the love that is always growing. But even as strong as “acquired love” is… it is an emotion that requires nurture.

            Did you ever stop to think that “agapeo love” is NOT mere “emotional love”, nor is it just “acquired love”; it is what someone called “dutiful love”? “Dutiful love” --- it almost sounds boring!  You mean I have to love someone just because I’m supposed to? The answer is an emphatic “yes”. And the surprising thing is that this emotion is anything but boring!

            If all marriages were built upon the vows that were made, and NOT the feelings that come and go, they would all last forever. When you were married, you made a solemn vow…. to love that person… to be faithful…. “until death do us part”! Actually (if we will go back and remember what we said on our wedding day) we made a vow …..to meet that other person’s needs …. for the rest of our lives! There was nothing in that ceremony about “your needs”!!! It was NOT a contract! It was a covenant!

            “Agapeo love” (i.e. “dutiful love”) is the love of choice. It is the love that keeps on loving even when the emotions are gone. It is the love that keeps on loving even when you’re deeply disappointed in that person. True love is NOT just a feeling! It is a commitment. It is a daily choice!

            Here’s the 1^st and biggest secret of all. Here’s what most people that are getting married don’t know. The most important love of all…..is NOT “emotional love” (most teenagers wouldn’t agree); the most important love is NOT “acquired love”, but the most important love of all IS “dutiful love”!

            Why is this so? Because the simple truth is… sometimes you’re just not going to feel like loving her or him!! Mushy, overwhelming, thunder & lightning, bell-ringing, weak-kneed, dizzy feelings are NOT necessary all the time, or even required all the time, for a successful marriage!

            The 2^nd secret is found in Matthew 6:21 = For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.  Here it is: Make love your choice --- and it will last a lifetime!!

            The Bible does NOT say that where your heart is, there will your treasure be also. It says that wherever you put your treasure, your heart (and all the feelings) will follow! Do you understand what this means?

            If you get to the place where you don’t feel like loving anymore…. OR if you get to the place where things don’t seem all that exciting anymore…. If you will choose to make your spouse your single treasure, the emotions and feelings will all come back!! If you invest your time and energy and money back into that person, your feelings will stir up all over again! For where your treasure is; there will your heart be also!!

            Don’t wait for the feelings to magically re-appear before starting to do special things for your spouse! Invest of yourself FIRST! Someone said it like this: “Go through the motions until you feel the emotions!!!” Do right even when you don’t feel like it.

                                 The 3^rd secret is found in John 2:1-2 where we find Jesus at a wedding. In this scene, I want to draw your attention to a not-so-evident point which is that there was a young couple who thought it proper and fitting to invite Jesus to their wedding. It was the best decision they ever made. Not only did Christ perform His first recorded miracle there; not only did He save their reception; but He helped get their marriage off on the right footing.

            This 3^rd BIG SECRET is this: Make Jesus the center of your home and marriage and He will transform everything. If you’ll invite Jesus into your life, home, and marriage He’ll perform miracles for you!!  He is able to transform ordinary relationships into special ones! 

            I often use the example of a simple triangle. In your mind I’d like you to picture yourself on one of the bottom corners of a triangle. Now place your spouse on the opposite bottom corner.  There’s nothing holding you together except that one little line. It is just as easy for us to pull away from one another as it is to go toward each other. But let’s add another dimension to this picture. Imagine the Lord Jesus at the top corner of that triangle. The secret is this: as each of us ascend our individual line, getting closer to Jesus (Who we have made the center of our lives); we automatically get closer to one another.

            It’s real simple! If we will both make Jesus the center of our heart and life, and take active steps to grow stronger in our personal spiritual life, then we will automatically be drawn closer together!

            Are you interested in enjoying “forever love”?  Well, here are the three biggest “secrets” I can give to you:

1.      The most important love of all is “dutiful love”.

2.      Make love your choice --- and it will last a lifetime! “Go through the motions until you feel the emotions!!!”

3.      Make Jesus the center of your personal life and He will transform your home and marriage!

            I pray that we will all determine right now before God to, in a sense, “renew our vows” – and determine to apply these three “secrets” to our marriage!