Ingredient	Ranking Ourselves (On a scale of 1-10 how well do we do at this?)	Problem Areas	Suggestions for Changing
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Lesson Worksheet

TEXT: I Peter 3:7 = “…dwell with them according to knowledge…”

STARTLING FACT: Did you know…that statistics have reported for years that divorce rates among religious people were just the same as among non-religious people? However, a recent report indicated that for the first time in recorded history the divorce rates among “evangelical Christians” was slightly higher than the divorce rate in the rest of the general population of America. Why do you think this is the case? What may be three contributing factors of this change?

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What is probably the biggest problem? (Suggested answer: “selfishness”)

KEY POINT: Worldly counseling actually encourages self-centered thinking – which is our biggest problem!!!

1. Commitment
   1. What does this mean? Describe this characteristic from a Biblical perspective:

                                                              i.      Commitment = (Webster) the act of pledging or engaging

                                                            ii.      Commitment = (in its most basic sense) a promise to be faithful to your spouse

NOTE: Is that, in itself, enough? Is just “being faithful” all that’s involved in the word “commitment”?

                                                          iii.      Commitment = engaging oneself in the other person

2. Why is this important?

3. How is this exhibited?

                                                              i.      You have agreed that divorce is NOT an option!

                                                            ii.      You have committed to working out ALL problems.

                                                          iii.      You are committed to fulfilling your marriage vows on a day-by-day basis.

4. What are some enemies of this characteristic? What keeps me from practicing this characteristic fully?

                                                              i.      Selfishness

                                                            ii.      Busyness

                                                          iii.      Secret sexual sins

                                                          iv.      Other (improper) relationships

                                                            v.      Wrong priorities

                                                          vi.      Neglect (Good intentions never implemented.)

5. How would this help your own marriage? Share specific ways to implement this characteristic into your own marriage with your spouse.

2. Biblical Conflict Resolution Habits

1. What does this mean? Describe this characteristic from a Biblical perspective:

                                                              i.      “Handling problems in a Biblical manner”.

                                                            ii.      “Resolving conflicts in a manner that would honor and please the Lord”.

                                                          iii.      “Exhibiting Christian character in my personal relationships.”

2. Why is this important? Why is it important to have “Biblical” conflict resolution skills?

                                                              i.      So you both can work toward a common goal (i.e. pleasing the Lord)

                                                            ii.      So you both can work with a common standard (i.e. the Word of God)

Why is it important to utilize these Biblical conflict resolution skills?

Why is it important to establish the Word of God as your standard for resolving problems?

                                                          iii.      So you can keep old problems from building up in your relationship.

3. How is this exhibited? (What would be some Biblical principles for resolving conflicts?)

                                                              i.      Listen first -- Proverbs 18:13 = He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.

                                                            ii.      Forgive -- Ephesians 4:32 = And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

                                                          iii.      Guard against bitterness – Ephesians 4:31 & Hebrews 12:15

4. What are some enemies of this characteristic? What keeps me from practicing this characteristic fully?

                                                              i.      Selfishness

                                                            ii.      Wrong attitudes: (unforgiving spirit, etc.)

1.      “I enjoy being angry and nursing my hurts!”

2.      “I have been deeply hurt and I don’t want to let the offender ‘off the hook’ easily.”

3.      “I want to express my hurt in an angry manner.”

                                                          iii.      Wrong habits:

1.      yelling

2.      attacking

3.      blaming

5. How would this help your own marriage? Share specific ways to implement this characteristic into your own marriage with your spouse.

3. Time Together

1. What does this mean? Describe this characteristic from a Biblical perspective:

2. Why is this important?

3. How is this exhibited?

4. What are some enemies of this characteristic? What keeps me from practicing this characteristic fully?

                                                              i.      Self-centeredness / unwillingness to learn to enjoy what your spouse enjoys

                                                            ii.      Busyness

                                                          iii.      Lack of creativity

                                                          iv.      Lack of priority

5. How would this help your own marriage? Share specific ways to implement this characteristic into your own marriage with your spouse.

4. Appreciation and Affirmation

1. What does this mean? Describe this characteristic from a Biblical perspective:

                                                              i.      Appreciation = the attitude of being grateful and thankful

                                                            ii.      Affirmation = the actions and words of expressing gratitude and thankfulness

2. Why is this important?

                                                              i.      We ALL want/need to be appreciated.

                                                            ii.      Taking our spouse for granted is a grave danger with dire consequences. Why?

3. How is this exhibited?

                                                              i.      Proverbs 31:28 = Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

NOTICE: J.F.B. commentary states that “she is honored by those who know her best”. That’s a tremendous compliment!!

                                                            ii.      Ways to express appreciation and affirmation: (What are some good ways to show appreciation and affirmation?)

1.      public praise

2.      private praise

3.      letters / cards

4.      small gifts / flowers

4. What are some enemies of this characteristic? What keeps me from practicing this characteristic fully?

                                                              i.      Unawareness

                                                            ii.      Unthinking

                                                          iii.      Unused to this behavior.

5. How would this help your own marriage? Share specific ways to implement this characteristic into your own marriage with your spouse.

5. Communication Skills and Practice

1. What does this mean? Describe this characteristic from a Biblical perspective:

                                                              i.      Learning to communicate – period! (opening up / sharing)

                                                            ii.      Learning to communicate – Biblically.

2. Why is this important?

                                                              i.      Emotional Intimacy = “shared thoughts and feelings”

                                                            ii.      We NEED to share personal thoughts and feelings with our spouse in order to build intimacy.

3. How is this exhibited? What are some Biblical principles of communication?

                                                              i.      Listen first -- Proverbs 18:13 = He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.

                                                            ii.      Speak with a soft voice -- Proverbs 15:1 = A soft answer turneth away wrath, but grievous words stir up trouble.

                                                          iii.      Guard against wounding with your words – Proverbs 12:18 = There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health. (Psalm 64:3)

                                                          iv.      Plan to use “wholesome” words that edify – Proverbs 15:4; 16:24, and Ephesians 4:29

                                                            v.      Be honest – Ephesians 4:25 = Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another.

                                                          vi.      Always be kind!!

4. What are some enemies of this characteristic? What keeps me from practicing this characteristic fully?

                                                              i.      Not in control of our emotions and tempers

                                                            ii.      Not thinking before speaking

                                                          iii.      Not willing to be painfully honest

                                                          iv.      Inner desire to wound another

5. How would this help your own marriage? Share specific ways to implement this characteristic into your own marriage with your spouse.

6. Shared Faith

1. What does this mean? Describe this characteristic from a Biblical perspective:

                                                              i.      Both spouses have trusted Christ as Savior – and are sure of it!

                                                            ii.      Both spouses are actively growing in their relationship with the Lord

2. Why is this important?

                                                              i.      Amos 3:3 = Can two walk together, except they be agreed?

                                                            ii.      II Corinthians 6:14-16 = An unequal yoke means that there can never really be a complete and strong… fellowship (“participation”), communion (“partnership”), concord (“harmony”), part (“shared portion”), or agreement (“oneness”).

                                                          iii.      An unequal yoke creates an unnecessary burden.

3. How is this exhibited?

                                                              i.      Sharing spiritual things

                                                            ii.      Creating a spiritual atmosphere in your homes

                                                          iii.      Going to church together

                                                          iv.      Serving the Lord together

4. What are some enemies of this characteristic? What keeps me from practicing this characteristic fully?

                                                              i.      Unsaved spouse

                                                            ii.      Worldly spirit

                                                          iii.      Weak spirit

1.      unlearned

2.      ashamed

                                                          iv.      Disobedient spirit

5. How would this help your own marriage? Share specific ways to implement this characteristic into your own marriage with your spouse.

CONCLUSION: Take the test at the bottom of the 1^st page. Discuss this with your spouse. Don’t dwell on past failures much more than admitting to them. Write down at least 1 positive way to improve upon past failures in each category.