Carl and I had dinner with Talbot and Jenny for Valentines Day. He gave me a rose. I was late (took the wrong train). Carl was worried. In my franticness, I could not find his Valentines Day card (hiding in my tote bag) and finally told Carl that he’d get it “tomorrow.” Carl used to get upset with me for wishing him a happy Valentines Day; he said that it was a Christian holiday and he didn’t celebrate it. After a few years, he accepted that I wasn’t going to let the holiday drop. Sometimes, we’d give each other cards and sometimes not. Sometimes only one of us would give a card, and that was okay too. This is the first Valentines Day rose that I can remember. It had a 3” plastic panda bear holding onto the stem. I pressed dry the rose (crying as I crushed it under a book) then laminated it. The bear now holds onto a plastic rose that Carl gave me with a birthday present.

     Carl normally went to Joel's Thursday night coffee house, but I have to get up early for work and rarely went with him. Carl decided, much to my surprise, to come home with me. He said that he just wanted to spend some time with me. After 20 years of living together, Carl actually proposed to me in the living room. I had told Carl (many times) that I’d merry him if he asked me (no ring needed – just some romance -- not “let’s just go down to City Hall and take out a marriage certificate” -- I agreed to “City Hall” but wanted to be asked nicer). I was so happy, and now I cry when I think of it. For a few hours, it was my happiest evening then it turned into my worst nightmare. Carl, I love you!!!

     Carl got up sometime arround midnight or 12:30 am that night (technically, the 15th) to go to the bathroom. He started having trouble breathing on the toilet. When he realized that it was serious, he woke me up and I called the ambulance. He died by 2:00 am. There was a lot that happened during the last hour and a half of Carl’s life as I, EMS, and the hospital tried to save him. Carl’s doctor said that heart failure caused the breathing difficulty. His chest/lungs filled with fluid (possibly a pulmonary embolism according to one doctor) but his heart started it.

     Please, everyone, if you have a heart condition, get an angiogram, especially if a doctor suggests it. This is in addition to EKGs, stress thallium tests, etc. I’ve learned that some people develop problems around 10 years after heart surgery. If you or a loved one has had a heart procedure, please, be especially vigilant around and after the 10-year mark. If you have not been having regular angiograms, the 9th year may be a good time to start. I wish one of the doctors had told me about the “10 year” risk factor. I would have made sure that Carl had had an angiogram despite his very loud vocal (and verbose -- *!* -- language) objections. Stress thallium tests are good, but MAYBE an angiogram MIGHT have seen more. We will never know.

     I’ve also learned that people can get a small defibrillator for home use that has a better “save” record than CPR. My CPR temporarily worked, a little, for a short time. When Carl’s heart stopped beating the second time, EMS was here and got it started again (slow, weak). His heart just could not sustain him. Maybe an in-home defibrillator would have been more effective than my CPR, but I had never heard of such a thing until too late. The ER doctor told me that nothing I or EMS did could have saved Carl; there was just too much damage to his heart and lungs. I will always winder.

     Even if you don’t have typical symptoms, if your doctor tells suggests an angiogram, take the darn test. Carl was told that he had a heart condition 8 years before he had typical symptoms. He ignored the doctors, me, our families, and our friends. He was afraid of the test! By the time he agreed that it was his heart (he started having typical heart symptoms) and took the angiogram, he could not have angioplasty and needed quadruple bypass. While this delay did not shorten his life, it did lead to three months out of work recovering from surgery. There is a very minimal risk with angiograms; the much greater risk is in not taking one if you need it.

     Make sure you get enough exercise, and follow your doctor’s medical advice. Carl was sometimes inconsistent with his exercise and a few of his medicines. When I got on his case, he’d get angry (more language) and very defiant. I loved Carl more than I think he realized. The “nagging” was me trying to help Carl to live a healthier life, not me trying to “mother” him. Carl’s heart tests showed no change (no new damage), but he was advised to get more exercise. No one ever told me that Carl’s life was in danger. If I had known then what I now know (about the 10 year possible risk and that bypass is not a "cure"), I would have been even more insistent (more of a nag)!!! Maybe, it would have helped.