Purgatory & The Pool
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Winter Break
Hello folks. My name is Joe, and I'm a germaphobe.
Today's first workout brought a pretty strong 2600m splash and dash session in the pool at lunch time before hitting the weights later on this afternoon. Timing was a bit tricky - You see, it's winter break for the local high schoolers... Or spring break... Or Something. I don't know - all it means to me is that there are no morning swim sessions this week, only afternoon sessions. But it's no problem. I booked out of work at 12, piled in a bagel on my way to the tank, and started it up mid-day today.
One minor detail that didn't phase me until halfway through my workout; This week's afternoon swims are listed as: "Lap/Free Swim". Now when I started this post by telling you I was a germaphobe, realize I don't make statements like this casually. I mean it: I am a germaphobe. Like in the Al Trautwig "I am an Ironman" kind of way. And so when today's "Free Swim" started, I have to tell you that a little bit of panic set in as I heard the sounds of hundreds and hundreds of germy, infectious children come diving into the opposite side of the pool. That's right, perhaps thousands of them... Multiplying every time I turned to breathe. Some of them, I think, had long, green, tentacles in place of arms and legs. I could taste the germs in the water. All the chlorine in the world couldn't put me at east.
But I pushed on, and finished my workout. And that's when the real horror began...
In the locker room, there were squeals and giggles and screams and yapping... Boys. Countless boys running around, coughing, snotting, hacking and gasping all around me. I scurried. I tried to get in and out of the shower in record pace, my arms, trunk, and legs still sore from the workout but finding those bottom stores of glycogen to get me out of that danger zone. Soap was in my eyes, shampoo left in my hair. They were everywhere. Satan's Children in the flesh. The lights were going dim, my vision was narrowing. The germs were everywhere! Everywhere!!!
The only possible way this scenario could have been more hell-like was if the locker room floor had been crawling with hundreds of thousands of centipedes.
Shudder.
10 Comments:
Heh...you sound like this lady in my office. She carries Purell with her everywhere. She cleans her desk for a half hour every day with disinfectant. She cleans coworkers desks/phones every time she has to use them. It's sad really...but this chick is also a total hypochondriac, so you can't have too much in common!
Shall I mail some Purell your way?
Does Satan Children should be ban from the pooll :)
Oh, you poor boy! I have the same reaction to children, but I have relaxed a bit on the 'germ' issue... I don't know what it is, but whenever screaming children are around, my skin turns inside out! Eek... Get away!!!!
Too funny... I wonder how many of the wretched little ankle biters peed? Seriously, I can just hear the little girls squealing at the tops of their lungs.
I'm just an ageing wannabe but I love your blog anyway. Good luck with your goal to qualify for the Worlds.
ugggh. sounds horrible. Glad you made it out okay and with your workout under your belt!
I'm right there with you, Joe. We had a family brunch on Sunday and I spent most of it holding my breath because my nephew was so sick he stayed home and his mom came but wasn't feeling well. Then yesterday, my wife had a party for her co-workers (all teachers on that same Feb break) and one of them brought her dripping two-year old, dropping by for a visit between doctor appointments to see if she has strep throat. Ack!
Is it wrong that all the wood surfaces in my house are turning white because I keep rubbing everything with bleach?
Joe,
You're not alone. I'm really bad. I refuse to shower at the pool, too many germs, must go home. Hell, the other day I was swimming with some hair stuck to my mouth when I was exhaling, I could feel it! And when I got out I had a long piece of hair on my skin! That said I haven't been back at the pool yet this week. Oh, and thx to the Kahuna's pee topic I'm completely freaked out about the pool. These are just a few of the many problems I find myself with, hell, I won't even take my socks off for yoga class :P So when you think you're bad just think about me and you'll feel much better :)
hey joe... finally making it over to your blog... Tammy had suggested to me a few times that i should read Joe... which of course, made me not want to read joe...
but, any guy that runs by the handle Zooman has to be on my blogroll...
take care, bold!
I hear ya, Joe. One of the many reasons I joined the health club near me instead of the one on campus. I've gotten very good at timeing my swims to when I know there won't be any of the "Little People". And Mom wonders why I don't want kids yet. I just keep teling her I don't have the right mindset for them at this stage of life.
As bad as it sounds (I agree with you wholeheartedly) it could be worse... at a brand new local club I used to belong to; I would hear a strange announcement almost daily "attention club members, the pool will be closed for approx. 45 min" etc...and I used to think, 'what a drag for people who need that workout today.' I subsequently volunteered at my club that summer and found out it meant either a child had vomited or their swim pants (aka water diaper) had come off!!! Nice, huh...the closure was to skim the actual specimen(s) out of the water! I've been informed of the power of chlorine, yada-yada, but I passed on my renewal.
There should be some form of 'after-pool, hazmat level treatment' product on the market....
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