Be Right With You

Do you remember back in school when the professor would reiterate time and time again: "if you can do the homework, you can do the exam"? And sure enough, the exam comes around and there's a homework problem on there and yet there's always someone who gets the question wrong and makes a big deal about it while the rest of the class is thinking: "how many times did the professor say that would be on the exam?!?!".

Well.

I must have 3 or 4 fully loaded bookshelves of training books, and I must have read in every single one of those books hundreds of times the importance of stretching before a workout. Stretching is pretty important before swimming. Stretching is incredibly important before running. And you're just plain dumb not to thoroughly stretch before cycling. Add these up, and if you're a triathlete who doesn't stretch before each and every workout, then you're that kid in class that gets the exam wrong, and then makes a big deal about it. This past weekend (whisper) I was that kid. Argh.

Here's how it all went down:

Last Thursday, during my scrum-diddly-umptious recovery week, I was confined to my office for an abnormally long period of time. Most of the day, I was scrunched up in my chair, tense, and working my little self away - taking only the briefest of moments to get up and walk around (error 1). I didn't work out Thursday, and I sure didn't stretch out (error 2). Friday was more of the same, except I worked out - without stretching before hand (error 3). On my tri bike (error 4). Hard (error 5). Saturday, I woke up with a mighty stiff lower back (SIGNAL!!!) and decided to enjoy the warmer weather and go for a run (error 6), but with minimal, lazy, half-assed stretching beforehand (error 6,7,8). All throughout my run, I felt like I was running on stilts; heavy and awkward was every footfall (SIGNAL!!!). I stretched a little bit when I came home from my run, but my lower back was so tight, I pretty much bagged it without thoroughly loosening up (hold your comments please - error 9). Sunday morning I awoke, and with the sound of the birds chirping and the warmth of the sun beaming, I was looking forward to a delightful long ride. Walking down the stairs, however, I couldn't believe just how sore my lower back was, even all the way down into my hips (SIGNAL!!! SIGNAL!!! SIGNAL!!!). Hmmm... Must have been the way I slept (error 10). Reaching down to get a fresh mug out of the dishwasher, it finally hit me. The perfect injury. The coalescence of errors 1 through 10, and the ignorant obliviousness of me missing all the signals. I reached for my mug, I straightened up, and BANG! A shotgun blast of pain up through my lower back, around my core, into my hips, and through my spinal cord - the most painful "snap" I've every felt in my body. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a moron down. I repeat, we have a moron down.

So, yeah, I strained my back by pretty much doing everything that any half-baked amateur athlete knows not to do. And another thing: don't be fooled by the softness of the word "strained" - Because a "strained" back, as I now know, can be the most painful and debilitating injury known by anyone in the athletic community. Put it this way: breathing hurts, okay?

So I've missed two workouts this week, but things are on the mend. I've rested, rested, rested - and I've spent more quality time with my heating pad and my Motrin than with my own family. I'm happy to report that I can actually walk now without looking like a lame cyborg from some 80's sci-fi movie. With the high dosages of Motrin (and a little coffee), I feel flexible enough to start stretching things out again (duh) and getting on the trainer in the near term; hopefully rounding out this week with at least some base miles. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Anyways. Don't be like me, people. Stretch it out.