Funny Stuff (#2)!
One-Liners and Bumper Stickers
- 5 out of every 4 Americans has trouble with fractions.
- According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
- Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
- Auntie Em, Hate you; Hate Kansas; Taking the dog. Dorothy
- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
- Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
- Black Holes Suck.
- Body By Nautilus. Brain By Mattel
- Boldly Going Nowhere
- C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.
- Cats Flattened While You Watch.
- Caution: I drive like you do
- Chaos, panic, and disorder. My work here is done.
- Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult
- Commit Random Kindness and Senseless Acts of Beauty
- Computers can never replace human stupidity
- Confession without repentance is just bragging.
- CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/N)?
- Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
- Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
- Constipated People Don't Give A Crap.
- Cover Me -- I'm Changing Lanes
- Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
- Dare to keep the CIA off Drugs.
- Disarm Rapists
- Don't Be Sexist -- Broads Hate That
- Don't Honk - I'm Pedaling as Fast as I Can
- Don't sweat the petty things; pet the sweaty things!
- Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway.
- Error, no keyboard - press F1 to continue.
- Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.
- Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
- Everyone is nuts but me and you, and sometimes I wonder about you.
- Few women admit their age; fewer men act it.
- Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
- Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
- Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
- Half of the people in the world are below average.
- Happiness is Coming.
- Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
- Have a day.
- Have You Flogged Your Crew Today?
- Have You Hugged Your Stockbroker Today?
- Help Stamp Out Bumper Stickers
- Here's to all the kisses I've snatched, and vice versa.
- Horn broken. Watch for finger.
- How can I miss you if you won't go away?
- I am in shape. Round is a shape.
- I am logged in, therefore I am.
- I brake for Hallucinations.
- I brake for no apparent reasons
- I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
- I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it.
- I didn't fight my way to the top of the food-chain to be a vegetarian.
- I do whatever my Rice Crispies tells me to do.
- I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
- I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
- I have to go to the post office to see if I'm still wanted.
- I Haven't Lost My Mind -- It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere
- I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
- I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
- I love cats ... They taste just like chicken.
- I may be slow... but I'm ahead of you
- i souport publik edekashun
- I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
- I'm From the Government. I'm Here to Help You.
- I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing
- I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
- I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got
- If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
- If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
- If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?
- If You Can Read This Bumper Sticker, You're In Range
- If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
- If you don't like my driving, get off the sidewalk.
- If You Drink Don't Park. Accidents Cause People.
- If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach you're aiming to high.
- If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.
- Illiterate? Call This Number for Help...
- Imitation is the sincerest form of plagiarism.
- It's Been Lovely But I Have To Scream Now
- It's lonely at the top ... But you eat better.
- Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician
- Jesus loves you. Then again, so does Barney
- Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
- Just what part of "NO" didn't you understand?
- Keep honking ... I'm reloading
- Kissing a Smoker is like Licking an Ashtray
- Life is for entertainment purposes only. All other use voids warranty.
- Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
- Life is like a box of melted chocolates.
- Love means never having to say, "Does that twenty include the spanking?"
- Money Isn't Everything, But it Sure Keeps the Kids In Touch.
- My Child Can Beat Up Your Honor Student.
- My Karma just ran over your Dogma.
- My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.
- My Mother was a Travel Agent for Guilt Trips
- Necrophilia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One.
- Never assume. It makes an "ass" out of "u" and "me".
- No radio ... already stolen.
- On a tombstone: "I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK"
- Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.
- Out of my mind. Back in 5 minutes.
- Please Tell Your Pants It's Not Polite To Point.
- Practice Safe Sex. Go Screw Yourself.
- Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph .....Are Also Timed For 70 mph
- Same shit, different day.
- Smile - Its The Second Best Thing you can do with Your Lips.
- So many pedestrians ... So little time.
- Stupid People Shouldn't Breed.
- Telling an Old Person He's Useless Is Abortion on the Other End
- The Face Is Familiar, But I Can't Quite Remember My Name
- The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
- The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
- The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.
- The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER
- The truth is out there? Anyone know the URL?
- There's too much blood in my caffeine system
- This Vehicle Swerves and Hits Pedestrians at Random
- This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me
- Use Caution in Passing - Driver Chewing Tobacco
- Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
- Warning: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear
- We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
- Welcome to Colorado - Now Go Home
- When Armageddon arrives, write a CYA memo.
- When I grow up I want to be a little kid.
- When we talk to God it's called prayer. When God talks back it's schizophrenia.
- Whenever I'm wrong it's because I've been abducted by aliens.
- Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?
- Who told you I was paranoid?! It was THEM, wasn't it?!
- You can tune a piano, but you cant tuna fish.
- You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me
- Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.