I've been asked to write an article for the Chusok edition of the Northwest Korean Cultural Society's newsletter, Shin Moon.

 

I am so nervous and excited.  If you get Shin Moon, look for me (or rather, Aricin).

 

PS- Congratulations, Simon and Amy!

One of the great past times at my work is to do 'quizzes'.  We really have no backlog, so if no one is coming through our door we are pretty much free.  Sometimes we surf the net looking for quizzes to do.  We take personality quizzes and IQ tests and any other dorky quiz we can find, such as those at www.blogthings.com .  Sometimes the results are rather interesting.  According to multiple IQ tests, my IQ is somewhere between 129 and 144 (yep, I could get into MENSA).  I am 'analytical expressive'.  I'm the ace of diamonds and my shade of purple is 'violet'.  I am a conservative democrat (surprising) and I am not a lazy mom.  

 

I took the religious beliefs quiz at beliefnet and found I am an Orthodox Quaker.  After reading about Quakerism, I found I really do seem to be a Quaker.  Who'd have thought?

 

You can take the quiz here... 

http://www.beliefnet.com/story/76/story_7665_1.html

Find them here

 

I found this quote in an article posted to New York magazine online.  Perhaps the editing is to blame, or? 

"My husband, he put it this way: You go to the supermarket, and as soon as you walk through the door, there are just shelves of black children. Free. You can take one and walk past the register and leave. Get a little deeper in, and there’s some Guatemalans on the lower shelf, 50 percent off. If you want to get the white domestic kids, you’ve got to get the manager, with the keys, behind the glass thing.” -Alexandra van Schie 

It's no wonder anti-adoption advocates and so-called "angry adoptees" are talking about the racism and white privilege prevalent in international adoption.  When parents choose a country to adopt from based on agency fees, timelines, and an inflated sense of charity, it's easy to think the system truly has gone wrong.  When will adoptive parents think first of the child entering their family and how that child will fit into their family, their neighborhood and their community?  When will they care more about raising a child and less about getting a child?  Adoption does not exist to fulfill a personal need for altruism, nor is it a cure for infertility.

As an adoptive mother, I like to imagine all adoption agencies operate with the highest of ethics, and the mission really is to "find families for children", rather than finding children for families.  However, I make no pretense about the fact the agencies need to make money.  Too often, it seems, the families with the least understanding of racism and the least desire to learn about it are the families with the wealth and desire to adopt minority children.  It's no wonder Latino adoptees sometimes lament they are "white enough to love, but black enough to afford".

The article goes on to say this:     

Back in Noho, van Schie and her husband found that they are viewed, if anything, as rock stars in the neighborhood. She enjoys tweaking the clichés about Manhattan adoptive parents: “I have a coat, a fantastic coat made out of leopard. And I’d say, ‘Doesn’t Tana [her son] look great with this coat?’”

Thank you, Emily Hussbaum (journalist), for this brilliant insight into the minds of American adoptive families.  May our children forgive us!

read the full article here...http://nymag.com/news/features/35817/

A while back Sewcial Butterfly posted an ode to all of the new friends she's made while in the process to adopt.

 

Here's my list (in no particular order):

 

Rachel- I am so thankful God brought us together!  I consider myself lucky to have your friendship and love.  I will always value your support and encouragment.  You are an amazing woman of God and such a wonderful example of what a mother can be.  Thank you for sharing your wisdom with me.

 

Randi- Who else could I share all my secrets with?  Randi, you have been such a wonderful blessing to me.  You have made me laugh and cry.  I am so glad we found each other.  Congratulations on little Jake!  I can not wait to meet you both in person and for him to be home, safe in your arms.  You are going to be a fabulous mom- Don't worry so much!

 

Miya- We haven't known each other long, but I have loved getting to know you.  It's special to share common ground with another, and in you I've found a kindred spirit.  Thanks for reaching out to me.

 

Jenny- Our time together in Korea has made us life long friends.  You, Brent and Pax will always hold a special and honored place in our hearts.  I look forward to watching our sons grow into the young men they are destined to be.  Though we live miles apart, our hearts are always side by side.

 

Jenni-  You handled the excruciating wait for your referral with class.  What an inspiration you are to me!  How lucky Kobee is to have you for his mother.  The patient heart you have nurtured this year will serve you well in motherhood.  Thank you for all you've taught me about being graceful.

 

Mie Sung-  Did you think I would forget you?  You are truly my "Seoul" sister.  What a lucky chance we met in Korea and have became such fast friends.  You are a beautiful young woman and I will never forget the hospitality and love you have shown my family.  I cannot wait until we are together again, ready to enjoy another adventure.

 

Heather-  What small bit of serendipity brought us together?  I am so lucky to have you as my sister-friend.  In such a short time, you and your family have become so important to me and mine.  I hope it will always be so.  Thanks for putting up with all of my quirks.  PS- Eric says, "Please don't move to Spain!"

 

Jocelyn-  I promise we will meet in person soon!  It's just good knowing you are only a few miles away.

 

Cynthia- What a wealth of knowledge you are!  I am so lucky to be the beneficiary of the information residing in your pretty little head.  Thank you for taking me under your wing and helping me to be the best Mommy I can be for my angel boy.  Aricin and I have both benefitted from your presence in our lives.

 

Phoung-  Adoption is not what brought us together, but I am so glad you have joined my circle of friends.  I look forward to all the memories we will make together and with our husbands.  I admire your bravery and strength in making such a big life change and I look forward to all we will learn about each other as the years pass.  (Vinh, when you finally choose, you choose the best!)

 

Alicia-  I have been an eager recipient of your talent and generosity.  You seem to always know what I'm thinking and can make my ideas a reality.  I have so much fun 'collaborating' with you.  Thank you for making my life more lovely.

 

If I missed you, I am so sorry.  I've got 'mommy brain', you know! 

 

 

Last night at dinner, I looked up to find Eric staring at me intently.  When I looked down to see what he was looking at, I realized I was cutting my chicken and green beans into 1/8 inch squares.  I guess I've arrived.

 

New vitals!

 

Aricin is 28 inches and weighs 20 pounds 12 ounces.  He is small for his age (20th percentile) but he's got a whoppin' head (50th percentile)!

 

Looks like he'll be a genius like his parents!

In one of the responses I received to the antiracist meme I posted a few days ago, I was sharply criticised for the amount of time I spend writing about racism, ethnicity, and culture.   I was accused of spending my time focused on Aricin's race, rather than Aricin himself.  I am posting my response below (with all identifiers changed, of course) in case other readers would also like an "explanantion".

 

It took Eric and I a long time to decide to become parents.  In fact, growing up I never wanted to have children.  At points, I didn't even want to get married.  My mom recalls a time when I told her, "I'm never getting married. When I grow up, I'm going to have a 'mismarriage'!".  I mostly hoped to marry someone who already had children, and that I would be an awesome stepmom.  However, time proved I was destined to marry someone sans children. 

When Eric and I first talked about children, there were many reasons we didn't think we wanted them.  I have health issues to consider.  Doctors always recommend I should not get pregnant.  They really don't know how it might effect me (or my unborn child, for that matter).  Eric always cited he was too old, or too tired- that he liked his life the way it was.  We talked about the things we might miss out on if we had children, and the things we would miss out on if we didn't have children. 

Then the day came when we decided if we did have one, well, it would be only one.  We came up with all the reasons why our one child plan was perfect.  We researched single child families and "only" children and we liked what we read.  We began to think having a baby wouldn't be so bad.  We decided to leave it up to God.  We didn't get pregnant.  We went through a sad period of wishing and hoping for that one special child to enter our lives.  Then we got over it. 

We decided being childless was going to be really fun.  We would never have to 'grow up'.  We could spend all our money on ourselves.  We could travel, see the world.  Live a carefree lifestyle!  In the back of my mind, though, there was a small voice saying, "You should adopt".  After all, wasn't I fascinated (for lack of a better term) with international adoption?  Didn't I fondly remember reading in Reader's Digest about a single woman who adopted from Vietnam?  Growing up, didn't I admire all the families in our church who adopted domestically?  Couldn't I recall, in detail, every word of an article I read about Romanian orphanages?

It took Eric almost 5 years to come to share my dream of adopting.  Really, it was perfect timing.  We wouldn't have been ready before then.  It was all in the Ultimate Plan.

Back when I vascillated about having children, I never imagined how wonderful being a mother could be.  I never knew how full my life would feel.  I never knew I had this much stamina, or that I could survive with so little sleep.  I never knew I could love someone more than I love Eric (sorry Dear, I know I'm 2nd now, too).  I never knew it was going to be the single most fun, exciting adventure I ever had the courage to undertake.

Now that we've adopted, many of our reasons for having a single child have dissolved.  Will there be room in our family for another?  Stay tuned...

Awhile back, Jason Sperber from Rice Daddies (an Anti-Racist Parent columnist!) and Eliaday from Kimchi Mamas started an APA Parenting Meme.

This ARP contributor thought it might be fun to riff on that and adapt it for Anti-Racist Parent readers and columnists.

So here are my answers to the questions below. Please post yours on your own blogs and/ or email them to me! I think it’ll be fun to learn more about each other in this way.

1. I am:
Irish, Scottish, German and Native American.  My father's family were poor, alcoholic Irish folks living in Lake Erie.  My mother is the Scotch-German, Native American.  Her dad identifies with his Native American ancestry more than his Scottish ancestry.  My grandmother is German through and through (maiden name 'Karsch'), right down to the obsession with all fermented cabbage dishes.  I would say I identify most with my father's Irish culture (his culture was more inportant to him, than my mom's was to her), and the Mexican American culture I grew up in while living in Southern California.  As my husband always jokes about me, "Irish I were Latina"!  My mother often laments the fact she feels she has no cultural identity.

2. My kids are:
My son is a Korean-American transracial adoptee.  He is 9 months old.

3. I first started thinking more about race, culture, and identity when:
I started working in Law Enforcement in 1994.  It was a huge wake up call to see how different races in the community I worked in were treated differently.  I can still remember the profound feelings of anger, sadness and confusion when I responded to my first call of 'hate crime'.  I got a second 'wake up call' when I moved to Oregon in 1999 and realized just how much I missed the racial diversity of Southern California.  I didn't truly begin to deeply explore racism and and all that goes with the subject until my husband and I decided to transracially adopt.

4. People think my name is:
I think people are completely confused by my name.  They usually mispronounce my first name, than tell me how pretty it is.  When they ask where it came from and I start to tell them; their eyes glaze over the way people do when they ask how one is, but don't really care about the answer.  People also mispronounce my last name, or complain about how long it is (hyphenated).  No one ever asks where my last name came from, though.

5. The family tradition I most want to pass on is:
A deep spirituality.

6. The family tradition I least want to pass on is:
Poor eating and exercise habits.

7. My child’s first word in English was:
Hi!  He's not really verbal yet.

8. My child’s first non-English word was:  ?

9. The non-English word/phrase most used in my home is:
Aye schwoon a da!  "It feels so good" in Korean.  We say this to our baby often.  We also have several Spanish phrases for things we never say in English.  Like "Daimez los llavez" (give me the keys) and "Ahorita" (do it now).  

10. One thing I love about being a parent is:
Watching our son discover the world around him.

11. One thing I hate about being a parent is:
Worrying about the future.

12. To me, being an anti-racist parent means:
Constantly challenging myself- Trying to become the best role model I can be for my child, my family, my friends and everyone I come to influence.  Like Jesus said, "If you aren't for me, you are against me".  If you aren't antiracist, well then...