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April 3, 2008
Section:
CROSSROADS
Edition: Final
Page:
MT8
By KRISTIN
VORCE, Freelance OK | |
| Special to The News Journal
When the Rev. C. Karen Covey Moore attended a spiritual directors'
conference in 2006, she discovered she had something in common with her randomly assigned roommate: both of their sons had
died of suicide.
Moore, spiritual director at Aldersgate United Methodist Church in Fairfax,
discussed her grief with her roommate Anne Cronin Tyson, a minister in Michigan and Texas. Both women were aware of the volumes
of literature on grieving, but they struggled to find information on the crisis of faith that often follows a suicide loss.
"We agreed to pray regularly about it," Moore said. "We were really seeking what
God wanted us to do."
After a couple of days, both of them found stones with holes in them. Moore saw
it as a sign.
"I've often described the pain of losing my son as a hole I have in my heart," she said.
That year, Moore and Tyson founded Healing Hearts Ministries, a program of spiritual
exploration for suicide survivors. The ministers lead educational workshops for the faith community and mental health professionals
around the country. In February, Moore received the Sandy Martin Grassroots Award from the Suicide Prevention Action
Network USA for her national contributions to suicide prevention.
"You learn to live with the pain. It doesn't go away altogether," she said. "But to know
that somehow out of the depths of my pain I can help someone in their healing is incredible."
Moore has little memory of her mother, who died of suicide 10 days before
her fifth birthday.
"Nobody ever talked about my mother after that," she said. "I remember being told that
when someone dies of suicide, it's a disgrace, and you don't talk about it."
Moore's son Charlie, who suffered from clinical depression, died in 2001 at
the age of 23.
"I got pretty angry at God," she said. "I couldn't pray. But after I finished yelling and
screaming and crying, I remember sitting on a piece of driftwood at the beach in Cape Cod, and I looked down at a shell, this
perfect shell. It was as if God was saying it would be OK."
Over the past two years, Moore and Tyson have taught a Wesley Seminary Class on
suicide bereavement, presented at workshops in Canada and at the International Association for Suicide Prevention in Ireland
and led a daylong seminar for spiritual leaders in Iowa. They hosted their first survivor retreat in January 2007 in Delaware,
and another is scheduled Friday-Sunday at St. Francis Renewal Center in Holly Oak.
Jerry Reed, SPAN USA's executive director, said nominations for the award come from Moore's
peers, other grassroots activists.
"They're really unsung heroes, and we're very happy to recognize them," Reed said. "Karen
knows that she can't change the past, but she can help others who are going through the same thing."
An important part of Moore's ministry is providing a safe place for the bereaved
to tell their stories and cry. As a facilitator of support groups for GriefShare and Survivors of Suicide in Wilmington, she
emphasizes the healing process doesn't occur overnight -- it usually takes two to five years to completely deal with the pain.
"Our society has this mistaken idea that you take a couple days off for the funeral, and
then you go back to work and you're OK," she said.
Moore is troubled by stigmas about suicide and mental illness, which prevent
open and honest discussion of the topics. She knows that historically, church officials have perpetuated this stigma by branding
suicide as an unforgivable sin.
"We need to start talking about suicide," she said. "It's not a crime, and it's not a sin.
It's the result of a mental illness."
SPAN USA considers suicide a major public health problem that can't be ignored. More than
31,000 Americans die by suicide each year.
"It is as if a jet plane with 85 people aboard crashes each day with no survivors," Moore
said. "If that were happening there would be a major public outcry to do something about it."
In Delaware there are about 90 to 95 people a year who die of suicide -- one every four
or five days, she said. Worldwide, more people die of suicide than any type of violence, including combat.
Moore said people should pay more attention to warning signs. Someone who
seems withdrawn, talks about suicide and engages in risky behavior shouldn't be ignored.
"We need to encourage one another to get help when we need it," she said.
PROFILE
The Rev. C. Karen Covey Moore
RESIDENCE: Claymont
OCCUPATION: Spiritual director at Aldersgate United Methodist Church in Fairfax.
IN THE NEWS: Winner of the Sandy Martin Grassroots Award from the Suicide Prevention Action
Network USA for her national contributions to suicide prevention.
FYI: If you or anyone you know are in a suicidal crisis, call (800) 273-8255 or visit www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
A survivor retreat is scheduled Fri.-Sun. at St. Francis Renewal Center in Holly Oak; for details, call Moore at 478-2575.
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