This past week was filled with many surprises, the main one being my middle son receiving an Outstanding of the Day at
the Ohio State Fair, for his project, Outdoor Chef.
But another surprise has been stirring in my head. A woman I had met at a VOTF (Voice of the Faithful) event some
years ago, and who I had stayed in contact with for sometime after until a couple of years ago, stopped me, reintroduced herself,
(but I knew who she was right away), and filled me in on some recent happenings.
Now I must say this, this woman is the kind of mom I wished I had, at least, if my mom were still alive (either
my mom or step-mom). She embodies all that any survivor of child sex abuse would want from a mother: compassionate,
loving crusader, fighting for the justice her children deserve. She is maybe a few years younger than my mom, and has
a contagious smile. She isn't to be underestimated, and always loving to those who have suffered at the hands of
abusive priests.
Okay, you get the picture.
So, we talked briefly about her recent news of a Lutheran pastor who stood up against the Archdiocese of Cincinnati's
Archbishop, and was able to send a message, protesting this Archbishop's speech at the Lutheran 'Senate'. I won't pretend
that I understand the workings of the Lutheran church, so I can't explain the total significants of that meeting.
ANYWAYS, the long and short of it was, this Pastor stood up to the Archdiocese and succeeded in getting his point across.
So, to thank him, this mom, and a group of others presented him with a hand-made crucifix, made from expensive, hard-to-work-with
wood this past Sunday...and I didn't go.
Why?
Good question.
My therapist wants me to 'get in touch with my feelings.' Translation: Own my feelings, calling them honestly what
they are, and not regretting that for a moment.
So, I'm feeling Jealousy, and Anger.
Why?
Well, for starters, this pastor did what I couldn't do for myself, or others for these past six years and counting,
and was able to do it in such a way that he got results. Second, he received kudos for his effort, while I never received
so much as a thank you. Well maybe a few, trite, in passing ones, but nothing of the caliber this Pastor received.
Survivor's Network of those Abused by Priest (SNAP) is an organization that I felt did great things for victims of sex
abuse. I became involved when I met David Clohessy, in Dayton, when he was speaking for a VOTF fund raiser.
He answered some questions, picking mine, and afterwards, I thanked him. We talked on the phone several times since,
and eventually I became the Dayton regional SNAP go-to person. I became entrenched, working with absolutely no knowledge
of what to do, but with hope and faith that I could help make a difference.
I received threatening phone calls, and many calls of self-serving idiots boo-hooing about the money they gave to the
church, and not wanting victims to see any of it. (Or my favorite, the old lady worried that the sacraments from the
priest who later was accused of abusing boys, were valid or not, crying for nearly an hour, upset that God won't let
her into heaven because of that!)
After two years of putting myself in several vulnerable positions, tolerating the apathetic attitude from SNAP, I decided
to quit. I tried to bow out gracefully, waiting for the newly formed Cincinnati SNAP to get itself off
the ground, but it was for naught. Literally, within MINUTES after announcing I was quitting via e-mail to a few
people at SNAP, my name and contact info was removed from their web site, and NOT ONE PERSON FROM THAT ORGANIZATION ever thanked
me, or let me know that my effort was appreciated.
I feel equally exploited by SNAP as I do from the Catholic Church.
So you can see why the jealousy and anger still exists. I paid my dues, and then some, and I can't raise an eyebrow.
Yet this person does one thing, and he gets kudos galore.
I wouldn't care, if it just didn't hurt so much!!
