Cute Quotes

Website of Earl Kalb

Cute Quotes

He could say it best

Mark Twain
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
Comedy keeps the heart sweet...
Classic--a book which people praise and don't read.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint!
Prosperity is the best protector of principle.
Fleas can be taught nearly anything that a Congressman can.
Go to heaven for the climate. Hell for the company.
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
The calamity that comes is never the one we had prepared ourselves for.
Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
A baby is an inestimable blessing and bother.
Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.
"That cat will write her autograph all over your leg if you let her."
Air Balloon: thing to take meteoric observations and commit suicide with.
One is apt to overestimate beauty when it is rare.
The game of billiards has destroyed my naturally sweet disposition.
Of Teddy Roosevelt...He would go to Halifax for half a chance to show off and he would go to hell for a whole one.
Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she had laid an asteroid.
A healthy and wholesome cheerfulness is not necessarily impossible to any occupation.
"When the end of the world comes, I want to be in Cincinnati because it's always twenty years behind the times."
Cold! If the thermometer had been an inch longer we'd all have frozen to death.
France has neither winter nor summer nor morals—apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country.
It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
To believe yourself brave is to be brave; it is the one only essential thing.
Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.
It's better to stay silent and look a fool, rather than speak and remove all doubt
The report of my death was an exaggeration.
Always do right; this will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
Where and how did we get the idea that the Germans are a stolid, phlegmatic race? In truth...They are warm-hearted, emotional, impulsive, enthusiastic, their tears come at the mildest touch, and it is not hard to move them to laughter.
I can live for two months on a good compliment.

Tinsel Town at its best!

I have strong feelings about gun control. If there's a gun around, I want to be controlling it.
Clint Eastwood
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Redd Foxx
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W.C. Fields
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
George Burns
For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.
Johnny Carson
Women need a reason to have sex -- men just need a place.
Billy Crystal
Marriage is a mistake every man should make.
George Jessel
If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.
Alan King
Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
Alan King
You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
Alan King
Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
Alan King
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
Bob Hope
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
Woody Allen
Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
Woody Allen

Kermit Says

Time's fun when you're having flies.

Ooh La La!

Bette Davis
-->Evil people you never forget them. And that's the aim of any actress-never to be forgotten.
-->Gay Liberation? I ain't against it, it's just that there's nothing in it for me.
-->Hollywood always wanted me to be pretty, but I fought for realism.
-->I never did pal around with actresses. Their talk usually bored me to tears.
-->I'd marry again if I found a man who had fifteen million dollars, would sign over half to me, and guarantee that he'd be dead within a year.

Zsa Zsa Gabor
-->A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.
-->I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
-->Conrad Hilton was very generous to me in the divorce settlement. He gave me 5000 Gideon Bibles.
-->How many husbands have I had? You mean apart from my own?
-->I call everyone 'Darling' because I can't remember their names.
-->Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.

Lily Tomlin
-->I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
-->The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
-->For fast-acting relief try slowing down.
-->If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
-->The phone company handles 84 billion calls a year, everything from kings, queens, and presidents to the scum of the earth.
-->We don't care. We don't have to. We're the phone company.

Lee Grant
I've been married to one Marxist and one Fascist, and neither one would take the garbage out.

Katharine Hepburn
-->Plain women know more about men than beautiful women do.
-->Life is hard. After all, it kills you.
-->Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.
-->If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.

Mae West
-->A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him.
-->A hard man is good to find.
-->An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.
-->I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
-->When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

Marilyn Monroe
-->It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.
-->I've been on a calendar, but never on Time.
-->Being a sex symbol is a heavy load to carry, especially when one is tired, hurt and bewildered.
-->Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.

Our President George W. Bush said ...

"The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that George Bush may or may not make."
"I simply said that I would do everything to help Taiwan to defend itself."
"The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country."
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
"It's time for the human race to enter the solar system."
"For NASA, space is still a high priority."
"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."
"We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made."
"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."
"Public speaking is very easy."

This is here for your entertainment only!

The similarities are a mere coincidence!

Continue to "About Me"