The show opens with Kermit the Frog talking with Martin Short's agent, who is just Martin performing one of his characters. The agent tells Kermit that Martin a big fan of the "Muffets," as in Little Miss Muffet. When Kermit says it's the Muppets, the agent says, "He loves them too." The agent himself likes "that chubby pig," but he is frightened by the "green one", that being Kermit. Apparently Martin has some requirements if he is to appear on the show: a deluxe dressing room, a catered kosher meal ("he's not Jewish, but he's just on a little bit of a kick"), and $100,000 per day. Kermit has Gonzo check the budget, who reports that they have tap water, pretzel rods, and all the coins he can find in the sofa. The agent replies, "You've got yourself a deal."
Kermit intro: "special guest star Martin Short"
Clifford intro: "The show that puts the 'fab' in fabulous, the 'marvel' in marvelous, and the 'awe' in awful." Rizzo: "No, no, no Clifford, that's awesome!" Clifford: "Thanks Rizzo, you ain't so bad yourself."
Now it's time for another pointless episode of the hospital drama EIEIO-R. This sketch is a bunch of quick gags by doctors, including Dr. Fozzie, in a hospital emergency room. "Well there's a minute of your life you can't have back because you were watching EIEIO-R."
After the sketch, the scene changes to the hallway, where the elevator door has just opened and Sal the Monkey walks out, announcing to everyone that Johnny Fiama is coming through. Johnny follows Sal out of the elevator with his mother. Bean Bunny walks up to Johnny and asks him if he wants to buy a candy bar to help his school buy books. But Sal drop-kicks Bean through a window.
Sal: "Johnny Fiama, coming through!" Johnny: "Hey Sal, what'd you drop-kick him for? He's just a kid selling chocolates." Sal: "Yeah, right Johnny, and I'm a monkey." They stare at each other for a couple of seconds. Johnny raises an eyebrow. Sal: "Okay, Johnny Fiama, coming through!"
The next sketch is Ed Grimley, one of Martin Short's characters. Ed has just received a telegram which says he will inherit $85 (Canadian) from his recently-departed uncle if he can get married by 6:00. But it's already 5:55, so Ed has to hurry. Just then Miss Piggy, the swinging bachelorette from upstairs, knocks on Ed's door. "Talk about your luck." Ed tries to romance her, but Piggy will have none of it and leaves. Ed bemoans the fact that he won't inherit his uncle's fortune now. Suddenly the door opens, revealing Piggy, who is wearing a wedding dress. Fortunately Ed's goldfish is a sea captain, who performs the ceremony. But when Piggy finds out how little the "fortune" is, she karate-chops Ed and tells the fish to annull the marriage. It'll take 20 minutes though ("Let's see you write under water"), so Ed decides to entertain Piggy with his dancing, which is horrible.
Clifford: "Ed Grimley sure is, how do I say this, he's unusual, he's different, he's..." Rizzo: "Nuttier than a fruitcake." Clifford: "Yeah, that's it."
Sal then introduces Johnny Fiama, who is going to sing a song. He starts singing "(What the World Needs Now is) Love Sweet Love", but the band is playing it much faster than he is singing. Someone from the audience yells out that he should try singing in the right tempo for once, which prompts Sal to rush on stage, demanding who said that. Sal heads into the audience to grab the guy, but grabs Beaker instead. Johnny isn't sure that Beaker is the right guy, but he tells him that he should't talk while he's singing. Sal then drags Beaker offstage, and Johnny starts singing again. But Beaker runs across the stage again, pursued by Sal. This finally throws Johnny, who stops the band. The thrill of the song is gone, so Johnny thanks the audience and leaves the stage.
In the elevator, Martin Short walks in and says hello to Seymour the Elephant and Pepe the Prawn. Martin wants to practice for his big Fred Astaire number at the end of the show, so he asks to be taken to the rehearsal hall. But Seymour and Pepe get into a bit of an argument over whether they want to go to the second floor or the seventh floor. Every time the argument switches sides, the elevator reverses direction, sending Martin flying up to the ceiling or slamming down to the floor. When the elevator finally stops, Clifford and Rizzo look in to find Martin all scrunched up. As Rizzo puts it, "Now he's Martin Extremely-Short."
Back on stage, Clifford introduces a video clip, since Martin Short is a little under the weather. Rizzo comments, "Under the weather? It's more like he's under the couch!" The clip is from an old television show starring Kermit and little Marty Short called "Flippers" (a parody of "Flipper", a show about a dolphin). Kermit plays the title character. It's the usual story, with a family boat mishap on the rocks. But though Flippers can talk, everyone treats him like he can't. So while Flippers is trying to tell them about the trouble, Marty thinks he wants some fish.
Backstage, Clifford and Rizzo are standing outside Martin's dressing room, worrying about Martin. Apparently Bobo the Bear is inside, trying to get Martin back to his original size. Clifford expresses some doubt, since Bobo also said he could fix the toaster to work on nuclear power. Just then Gonzo walks by, sporting a third eye and eating some toast. He says, "Hey, this toast is delicious. And it glows in the dark."
There is a scream and a pop from the dressing room. The dressing room door opens, and Bobo walks out carrying a plunger. The plunger-on-the-head trick has apparently worked, and Martin is back to normal. Clifford and Rizzo look in on him to check. Martin is dancing around the dressing room with a towel on his head like a madman. Clifford and Rizzo are relieved, since this is of course normal for Martin.
In the dressing room, Martin is psyching himself up for the big dance number. He's interupted by Johnny Fiama and his mother. Apparently Mama is a big fan of Martin Short, ever since she saw Apocalypse Now. Martin pulls Johnny aside and tells him that she's thinking of Martin Sheen. Johnny asks Martin not to say anything, "she just got the video disc." Johnny's mother has brought Martin a pot of her special spaghetti sauce, which she wants him to eat. Martin says he can't, he doesn't have the time.
Johnny: "When Mama says you eat, you eat, you hear?" Martin: "I think a raincheck..." Sal: "Hey, you! When Johnny says, 'When Mama says you eat, you eat, you hear?' you eat, you hear?!?" Martin: "I hear! I eat!"
Martin digs into the sauce and finds he really likes it. I mean he REALLY likes it. He starts digging in with his hands.
On stage, it is time for politics and punditry from the Eagle's Nest. Sam the Eagle, once again, has Mssrs. Andy and Randy Pig as his guests (Andy and Randy: "Mssr mssr mssr mssr").
Sam: (to man offstage) "What happened to Bob Novak?" Man: "He's sick." Sam: "I know that, but why isn't he here?"
Today's topic is an international peace accord. Sam asks, "Will the peace accord hold, Mr. Andy Pig?" So Randy gets out a rope and starts tying Andy up. When Sam asks him what he's doing, he replies that he is seeing if the piece of cord will hold Andy Pig. The pigs then decide to find out if the piece of cord will hold "Mr. Birdie." So they tie Sam up ("I'm an endangered species!") Andy asks what the next topic is, and Sam replies that it was going to be arms control. Andy likes this topic, since he can't control his arms, which begin flopping around. Randy joins in. Andy then asks if next week's topic can be head control, and their heads start flopping around too. Sam moans, "Oh, why didn't I take the bowling show they offered me?"
Outside Martin's dressing room there are several empty jars of Mama's sauce. As Rizzo walks by, Sal leaves the room with another empty jar. Rizzo asks him what's going on. Sal replies, "Marty's still eating Mama's sauce. What's it to you, rat?" Rizzo tells Sal not to get tough with him, and the two of them get into a fight.
In the control room, Nigel the director asks Clifford where Martin is, since the closing number is about to begin. Clifford says he sent Rizzo to check on him. So Nigel asks where Rizzo is. Rizzo appears, stuffed into a sauce jar. Clifford goes to check on Martin, telling Nigel to cue the two-headed comic. Nigel asks where he came from, and Rizzo tells him they found him next to the nuclear-powered toaster.
First head: "Say, who was that lady I saw you with last night?" Second head: "That was no lady, that was you." First head: "Oh, sorry. Here, have some toast."
Clifford and Rizzo knock on Martin's door. When Martin opens it, he has grown VERY fat from eating all the sauce. But Martin says he'll still do the number as he waddles off toward the stage. Clifford then smells the sauce in Martin's dressing room, asking, "What smells so good?"
Kermit introduces Martin for his big number. Martin is dreesed in a tuxedo, singing "Stepping Out with my Baby." But he rips his jacket, destroys a chair by trying to sit in it, and does the same to a table. Piggy then joins him, dancing and singing. Martin twirls her around, and flings her into the wall.
Nigel: "Next to him, even Miss Piggy seems thin." Rizzo: "Oh come off it, he's not that big." Piggy: "I heard that!"
Martin ends the number by dancing up some steps, but then falls off them and through the floor. As Rizzo say, "Now he's Martin Short-and-Lying-Motionless-in-the-Basement."
Nigel says everything is okay, they just need to find Clifford so he can say goodnight. But Bobo says they can't find him. Suddenly there is a huge pounding noise, and a glass of water on the table sharts shuddering (like in Jurassic Park), as Clifford stomps on stage. He, too, is extremely huge from eating Mama's sauce. Clifford asks for a round of applause for Martin Short, who joins him on stage. But then the floor gives way beneath them, and they fall just as they are saying goodnight. Several of the other Muppets walk out on stage to find out what's going on and also fall into the hole.
Statler: "That was quite a program. I would have changed only one thing." Waldorf: "What's that?" Statler: "The channel!"
The camera pulls back to show that Martin Short, as Irving Cohn the old vaudevilian, is sitting next to Statler and Waldorf. Irving complains about the state of showdom today, and explains it with a song. "Give me a C. A bouncy C!" But his song puts the old geezers to sleep, and he joins them.
The first one seems to take place just before a scene begins. Johnny is telling his mother he loves her and gives her a kiss. Sal tells her he loves her too, but when he tries to kiss her she tells him, "Get away, ape!"
In the second one. Sal yanks some guy out of a chair so Mrs. Fiama can sit in it. But he gets his arm caught on the chair, prompting Mrs. Fiama to say, "Stupid monkey."
The third one is again just before a scene begins, when Johnny announces, "I got gas."
The last takes place just after the opening scene, where Martin, as the agent, rubs Kermit's head. Martin then smells his hand and remarks, "The pond has not been cleaned."
Go to the Paula Abdul episode