The show opens in the KMUP board room, with Kermit the Frog welcoming everyone to their new television studio. There are tons of Muppets in the room, such as the Swedish Chef and Zoot. Kermit asks Gonzo the Great to go over the schedule, and Gonzo starts reading shows off of this big chart. He mentions that on right now is "TBA" (followed by "The X-Flies"), and Kermit realizes that there's nothing on right now. He asks who wants to host the show, and everyone clears out but Clifford, who is talking to his girl on a cell phone. Kermit says Clifford has his own show. Clifford asks when it's on, Kermit says, "in about 30 seconds", and Clifford faints.
Kermit's opening: "very special guest star Michelle Pfeiffer."
Down in the control room Clifford is telling Kermit, and everyone else, that things are going to be good. Then Nigel the director shouts, "We're on the air!", and everyone starts panicking -- except Clifford, who very calmly walks over to the supply cabinet and locks himself inside. Kermit cues the announcer, Al Lligator, and some stagehands push the supply cabinet onstage. As the announcer introduces Clifford, he steps out of the cabinet. Clifford introduces himself as "your Homie made of Foamie."
Clifford's intro: "the show that's going to change the face of television, and make it look a little something like this." One of the Koozbanian dancers pops up, laughs at the audience, and then kisses Clifford before running off stage.
Realizing he doesn't know what the opening act is, he calls Rizzo the Rat over to ask him. Rizzo is the stage manager, wearing this nice jacket and a headset with a mike. He tells Clifford they don't have an opening act, or for that matter a middle act, or a closing act. Gonzo shows up and says he's got an act.
Gonzo: "I've got an act thats gonna knock your socks off!" Clifford: "Well put 'em on, man." Gonzo: "Your socks?"
Gonzo introduces Francois Fromage and his Dancing Cheeses, and Clifford says, "This better be gouda (good-a)." Gonzo and Rizzo look at him strangely, and he says, "What, too cheesy?"
As soon as Clifford and Rizzo get back to the control room, they notice that the cheeses are melting under the studio lights. Clifford realizes that they are "waist deep in the big funky", and that the show can only be saved if a "world-famous superstar walks through that door", pointing to a door across the room. Of course the door right next to him slams open, crashing into Clifford, and Miss Piggy walks in. She's here to save the show and be their guest star. Clifford is grateful, but he thought Piggy was busy doing infomercials. Piggy denies doing infomercials (since she is a star), but just then her infomercial for Pig-Wig hair extensions comes on the television. Apparently they are not only beautiful, but also make good pot scrubbers. Piggy however has one condition for being the guest star: Clifford must hire her two nephews, Andy and Randy Pig. Clifford says okay, and Miss Piggy heads for the dressing room. When Clifford asks Andy and Randy which one is which, they shout, "This job is too hard!" Clifford realizes that these two pigs aren't the ripest bananas in the bunch.
The first sketch is "Bay of Pigswatch", a Baywatch parody, starring Champ Schwimmer, Miss Piggy, and Spamela Hamderson. Suffice it to say that Champ gets Spamela to practice mouth-to-mouth on him, and Piggy ends up karate-chopping him across the beach.
Waldorf: "Nurse, there's something wrong with this tv." Statler: "What's that?" Waldorf: "It's on."
Backstage, Clifford is remarking to Rizzo that Piggy will be a great guest, when Kermit walks in with Michelle Pfeiffer, who has agreed to be the guest star. Clifford tells Michelle that she is "drop-dead gorgeous", and another Muppet walks in, sees Michelle, and drops dead just to prove the point. Michelle claims that she's just the nice, wholesome, girl next door. Clifford remarks that he must be living in the wrong neighborhood. Michelle heads off to makeup, and Rizzo finally gets a chance to point out that Miss Piggy is already the guest star.
Kermit: "You mean we asked Michelle Pfeiffer and Miss Piggy to guest star on the same show?" Clifford: "Yeah, I think maybe we did." Kermit: "Race you to the supply cabinet."
Back on stage, Clifford introduces Michelle, and Clifford embarrasses her with a clip, supposedly from a 1975 Dating Game-type show called "Muppet Match-Up" that Kermit hosted. Michelle is the guest, trying to decide between three bachelors: Bunsen Honeydew, Beaker, and Animal. Michelle asks each bachelor what his idea of a fun date is. Bunsen's answer is very scientific, but he throws in the word "bippies" a couple of times. This causes Michelle to comment, "Bachelor number 1, you're funnier than the Sweat Hogs!" Beaker says something incomprehensible for his answer, causing Michelle to say, "That's not funny, it's sick." When Michelle asks Animal, he starts shouting "Michelle! Michelle!", crashes through the wall separating him from her, and chases her off stage. As the clip ends, Clifford asks Michelle which guy she ended up dating, and she says number three, but she hasn't seen him since. Animal then runs onstage, yelling "Michelle! Michelle!", and chases her off again.
Nigel cues the Koozbanian dance number, while backstage Clifford and Rizzo are putting together a plan to keep Michelle and Piggy apart. Both of them want to watch after Michelle, so Clifford says, "Flip you for it." He then flips Rizzo into the air.
Clifford: "Tails. You lose." Rizzo: "Rats!"
Next is Great Moments in Elvis History, where the three Elvises from Muppet Classic Theater do a sketch about the American Declaration of Independence. It's quite funny, and ends with a cute song. When it's over, the announcer says, "Tune in next week, when we bring you 'Elvis of Arabia'". An Elvis in desert garb is shown in a desert scene. He turns to the camera and says, "Dang, it's hot out here."
The next scene is backstage, where Michelle and Piggy finally meet. Sparks fly as they realize they are both scheduled to play Maria Von Trapp in the big Sound of Music finale. When Michelle removes her robe to show off the costume she's wearing, Rizzo shouts, "Michelle's taking her robe off!" A bunch of Muppets gather round to watch Michelle. Piggy then takes her robe off, causing Rizzo to shout, "Miss Piggy's taking her robe off!" The Muppets scatter. Clifford comes out to calm them down, and Piggy whops him one. Clifford goes flying across the hall, through the control room, and onstage. He picks himself up and introduces the Sound of Music number in a very pained voice. As Rizzo leads him offstage, Clifford says, "Thanks Ma. Do I hafta go to school today?"
Michelle and Piggy then have this big fight, trying to lure the Von Trapp children over to their side of the stage while they sing "Do, a Deer" and "Favorite Things". Piggy eventually sics her dog, Foo Foo, on Michelle, and Michelle sics Animal on Foo Foo ("Dog! Dog! Dog! Dinner!"). As Michelle does her big finale, Piggy fires a canon at her, which misses.
Statler: "I told you this show was a bomb." The cannonball flies in and strikes a woman sleeping in a wheelchair. Statler: "What was that?" Waldorf: "I think her medication just kicked in." They laugh. Statler: "Nurse! I'll have some of that." They laugh again.
Clifford comes on stage to end the show and brings out the two guest stars. The two guests say that they realize it wasn't Piggy's or Michelle's fault for everything, it was Clifford's fault. So they both karate-chop him. Kermit comes out to say goodnight to everyone (since Clifford is on the floor).
Backstage, Rizzo is sitting on a box with a very full belly. Clifford asks him where the dancing cheeses are, since he wants to thank them. Rizzo says he'll handle it, and pats his stomach as he says, "Thank you dancing cheeses for all your hard work." Clifford can't believe he ate the cheeses, but Rizzo says that they're cheeses and he's a rat. "It's the circle of life."
Go to the Martin Short episode