The show opens with Clifford asking Andy and Randy Pig if they want to do a job (Andy and Randy seem to have picked up the "Yo, yo, yo" thing from Clifford). He asks them if they want to answer the telephone, telling them it will be fun. Andy and Randy seem a bit unclear on the word "telephone" (not to mention "fun"), so Clifford shows them how it works. He tells them to pick up the phone and say "hello". So they pick up the phones -- the entire phone, that is -- and say "hello". Clifford tells them to just pick up the receiver ("the little thing with the curly wire"). "This job's too hard!" complain the pigs. Finally Andy and Randy figure out how to pick up the receiver and say hello into it. But Clifford tells them to wait for the phone to ring. The phone rings, but the pigs have forgotten what to do. Clifford yells at them to pick it up. They lift the receivers, but don't do anything with them. Clifford yells, "Say hello into the phone!" So they put the receivers to their ears and say, "Hello into the phone." Clifford gives the camera a very disbelieving look. The phone call is about them winning $14 million, but Andy turns it down, saying they can't count that high. As they hang up, Clifford calls them stupid for turning down $14 million, but Andy says that the money wasn't for them, it was for Clifford. As the pigs walk off, saying, "Yo, yo, yo", Clifford tries to hold his anger in, visibly shaking.
Kermit's intro: "very special guest star Sandra Bullock"
Clifford's intro: "Before we get started, I'd like to get something off my chest." He opens his jacket and a butterfly flies out from under it. As it flies away, Mr. Poodlepants nets it. Mr. Poodelpants says, "Ooh, a yellow-bellied flutterbaby. What a delightful addition to my collection." Then Doglion (the large, full-sized monster who looks like one of the monsters from Where the Wild Things Are) nets Mr. Poodlepants, saying, "Ooh, a cauliflower-topped chucklehead. What a delightful addition to my collection." Doglion drags Mr. Poodlepants (and the butterfly) offstage.
Clifford then introduces Sandra Bullock. She nervously shakes Clifford's hand. She is very overwhelmed by being on live television, and is worried that she'll do badly, and people won't watch, and she won't be asked back. This whole time she has not stopped shaking Clifford's hand. Finally she let's go of Clifford and suggests they show a clip from her new film, "While You Were Slapping". As the screen comes down and Clifford tells them to roll it, he notices that the arm that Sandra was shaking is now about twice as long as it used to be. "Oh man, look at my arm!"
The clip opens with Bill the Bubble Guy sleeping in a hospital room. He is surrounded by his relatives, all of whom also have bubbles coming out of their heads. Sandra comes in and sits down, asking how Bill is. One member of the family tells her she can't be there, since only family is allowed, and slaps her. She tells them that she saved Bill's life, and besides she is his fiance (she is obviously making that last bit up). She slaps the guy back. As she talks to the family, they all slap her, and she slaps them back. The clip ends with a major slap-fest.
The scene then cuts to the phone desk, which Bobo is now manning (or bear-ing, as the case may be). He and Clifford are watching the clip on the monitor on the wall. Clifford remarks on how Sandra is so cute, but Bobo doesn't think so. "Not enough fat on her, you know? She'd never make it through the Winter, that's for sure." As Bobo laughs at his joke, Clifford tells him to answer the ringing phone and walks off. Bobo answers the phone, and the screen becomes split between him and the Mad Bomber. "All right, man, listen and listen good. There's a bomb in your studio," says the Bomber, who sounds a lot like Dennis Hopper from Speed. "Oh, I know," replies Bobo. "I read this week's script too. Heh, heh, heh. Have a good day sir." And he hangs up the phone. The Bomber then dials the phone again. Bobo is now using one of those hand-held fans to keep himself cool. He picks up the ringing phone, and the Bomber tells him not to hang up, and that he has something very important to tell him. Bobo asks if he should write this down, and the Bomber tells him yes. Bobo then puts him on hold while he looks for paper and a pencil. The hold music is Kermit the Frog singing "The Rainbow Connection".
Back on stage, Clifford introduces a sketch called "The Psychiatrist's Office". In it, Sandra is playing Dr. Bullock, Animal Psychiatrist. There is a knock at her office door, and she asks her next patient, Kermit, to come in. When Kermit walks in, she tells him, "That'll be a hundred dollars."
Kermit: "But I haven't said anything yet." Dr. Bullock: "Yes you did, just now." Kermit: "I'll pay on the way out." Dr. Bullock: "Then it'll be a hundred and fifty."
Dr. Bullock asks Kermit to sit down, and they start discussing his problem. The problem is Kermit sees strange creatures whenever he says the word "phenomena". As soon as he says it, the two Snowths pop up and start singing, "Do do, do-do-do." It turns into a verse of that old Muppet favorite, "Mahna Mahna", but with the word "phenomena" instead. When the verse is over, Dr. Bullock asks Kermit if she might try it. So she says, "phenomena", starting another verse of the song. By the end of the verse, she seems to be very caught up in the song. She takes off her glasses, lets her hair down out of the bun it is in, and starts dancing around, scatting on the word "phenomena". As she starts to wild out, the two Snowths pop up again and stare at her. She realizes she is acting strangely, and calms down. She and the Snowths do another verse, and then they disappear.
Kermit: "Boy, you sure are crazy." Dr. Bullock: "I know. You should see what happens when I say, 'Shave and a haircut'." Doglion appears, lying on her desk and wearing a pink dress. Doglion: "Two bits." Kermit: "Wow, that was worth a hundred bucks." Dr. Bullock: "A hundred fifty."
Cut to the lobby, where Bobo and the Mad Bomber are still talking. The Bomber asks Bobo to read back what he's written down. Bobo reads, "Listen to me and listen carefully, man." The Bomber complains, "That's it? I've been talking for five minutes here!" Bobo explains that he's a bear, and not very good at writing. "If you want roots dug up, I'm your bear. But writing is not what I do." The Bomber asks if there is anyone else he can talk to, and Bobo hands him off to Clifford. He tells Clifford that if the ratings drop below 50 the studio will be blown up. "Are you from the network?" asks Clifford. The Bomber says no, and tells him to keep the rating up or else. After laughing maniacly for a few seconds, he asks to be put back on hold. "I want to learn the rest of that song."
Rizzo the Rat walks up and asks Clifford what's wrong. When Clifford tells him, he starts going into histrionics, saying this is the end, and that his life is passing before his eyes. Clifford slaps him and tells him to snap out of it. Rizzo says he's okay, but his agent is watching tonight and he wanted to show him what he could do. As Clifford and Rizzo run off, Bobo has his fan out again. Unfortunately he tags himself with it a couple of times. As any bear would do to something that is hurting it, Bobo bites the fan.
In the control room they have a meter showing the ratings. They are hovering around 75, but they seem to be dropping. Rizzo suggests they get rid of the act on stage. The act in question is two flat-faced Muppets banging their heads against anvils to the tune of "The Anvil Chorus". Sandra comes in, complaining that her complementary muffin basket only has one muffin in it. Clifford tells her that they have a mad bomber on their hands, and Sandra correctly guesses that if the ratings drop below 50 he'll blow up the building. She explains that its the plot from the movie Speed, but no one in the control room has ever seen it. "But obviously the writers did," remarks Rizzo. As a snare drum starts playing the obligatory military beat, Sandra takes control of the situation.
Sandra: "Get me Keanu Reeves." Clifford: "He's booked." Sandra: "Too bad, he's a good kisser. Okay, Rizzo, call the bomb squad." Rizzo: "Hey, bomb squad!" Sandra: "Use the phone." Rizzo: "Oh, yeah, right." Sandra: (to Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker) "You two, I want you to get me a list of any wacko or freak that's been in the building for the last two days." Bunsen: "That's everybody!" Sandra: "Then never mind. (now talking to Andy and Randy) Okay, you two, I want you to find out where the phone call came from and then I want you to trace that call." Andy: "Okay, thank you. Randy, go get some tracing paper." Randy: "Okay. Uh, what's paper?" Sandra: "Just do it! And you (she yells off camera), please, stop that infernal drumming." Animal: (sitting in the corner playing the drum) "Sorry."
On the show at the moment is Wall Street Wonderings with Earnest Pleth. Sandra tells Clifford to put on the biggest ratings grabber they've got. Clifford says there is one thing that people have been wanting to see more of. On stage, as Earnest is talking about high finance, suddenly the light grows dimmer and Spamela Hamderson dances out. She asks Ernest if he likes to boogie, and Earnest tells her he does. They start boogying together. Back in the control room, everyone is dancing along. Rizzo, who is watching the monitor with Sandra, says, "This is great!" Clifford says, "Yeah, the ratings are way above 50." "Oh yeah," says Rizzo, "the ratings are good too." Sandra flicks Rizzo's ear.
Back at the phone desk, Bobo is sleeping. Andy and Randy arrive and start tracing the call by pulling the phone wires out of the wall. Bobo wakes up and asks them what they are doing.
Randy: "Sandra Buttocks told us to trace a phone call." Bobo: "You mean to tell me you're going to trace the call by pulling every wire out of every wall in this five-story building?" Andy: "Yeah." Bobo: "Works for me."
Bobo goes back to sleep as the pigs continue tracing.
In the control room, Sandra remarks that Spamela is getting tired. Earnest, on the other hand, is just getting started. He has his shirt off and his tie is around his forehead.
Clifford: "Oh this is bad, bad. The ratings are starting to dip, dip!" Sandra: "Don't worry, Clifford, I'm going to get us some more acts, acts." Clifford: "Is she making fun of me, me?"
Gonzo the Great runs in, suggesting that they run the episode of Muppet Babies that he is carrying. Another Muppet runs in from the opposite direction with an episode of Seinfeld. They collide in front of Clifford. When they get up off the floor, the two tapes are hopelessly entangled together. "Oh no," says Gonzo, "you got your Seinfeld all over my Muppet Babies!" "Well you got your Muppet Babies all over my Seinfeld!" "Hey, wait a minute! Why don't we run them together and see what we've got?" says Gonzo. No one seems too excited about this. "Well, it worked with peanut butter and chocolate," says Gonzo.
They show the episode of "Seinfeld Babies". Baby versions of Jerry, Elaine, George, and Kramer act out classic Seinfeld schtick in a crib.
Statler: "You know, this show really improves with age." Waldorf: "Why, because the jokes get better?" Statler: "No, because my hearing gets worse!"
As the "Seinfeld Babies" sketch ends, the ratings are pretty high. And Gonzo has another act ready. He introduces Sid Knishes and his Mosh Pit-tatoes. A punk rock potato with a Cockney accent gets on stage and sings a thrashing punk song (dedicated to his friend Johny Au Gratin), while other potatoes mosh in front of him. Everyone in the control booth is dancing along until Gonzo realizes the moshing potatoes have turned into mashed potatoes. Clifford tells Rizzo to, one, get somebody else on stage, two, get Sandra back downstairs, and three, get him a bowl of those mashed potatoes from onstage.
Nigel cues Gonzo, who introduces Franky Yakovic and his Polka Dots. Franky, a yak, comes on stage with his accordian and a bunch of multicolored dots, who polka. Franky is quickly yanked offstage by the hook. Rizzo shouts, "Next!", and it's Johnny Fiama's turn. As he starts singing "Mack the Knife", the set is changed to a city scene. But unfortunately the first verse of "Mack the Knife" is about how sharks keep their teeth white, and a shark wanders on stage and chases Johnny off. Sal chases the shark, shouting, "Hey you, Jaws 3-D, come here!"
Bill the Bubble Guy is then thrust onstage, and he blows bubbles to the tune of "Flight of the Bumblebee". Johnny runs across the stage again, still pursued by the shark, with Sal holding onto the shark's tail. Then Seymour the Elephant Elevator Operator and his co-worker Pepe the Prawn come up to Rizzo and Gonzo. They are dressed as vaudeville commedians, and they say they have an act. Gonzo and Rizzo put them on.
(singing) Seymour: "I'm Seymour." Pepe: "I'm Pepe." Both: "We're two of a kind." Pepe: "I'm a little bit forward." Seymour: "And I've get a big behind." (speaking now) Pepe: "Say Seymour..." Seymour: "Yes, Pepe?" Pepe: "What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino?" Seymour: "Gee, I don't know, what?" Pepe: "Elifino." (rimshot) There is absolutely no response from the audience. Pepe: "Elifino." (rimshot) Nothing. Seymour: "Gee, Pepe, I don't think they get it." Pepe: "Elifino! Why do I got to 'splain to you people, okay? Elifino! Help me out here! Elifino!"
In the control room, Clifford is complaining about the ratings. Then suddenly Andy and Randy run in. They've traced the call! Clifford shouts, "Follow the pigs!" and everyone follows them out the door, past the door at the back of room, and back in through the other door, all of them (including Andy and Randy) shouting, "Follow the pigs!" Realizing they're in the wrong place, Randy says, "I know what we did. Come on." They go back out the door, past the door in the back of the room, and through Statler and Waldorf's tv room.
Waldorf: "How come that never happens when we're watching the 'Hot Bodies Bikini Contest'?"
Back on stage, Pepe has set up some visual aids to help him explain the joke. Seymour is wearing a sign around his neck which says, "ELA-IF", and there is a sign next to him with a picture of a rhinocerous on it and the words "I-KNOW". Pepe uses a pointer to point to Seymour, says "elephant", points to the sign, says "Ela-if", points to the rhino, says "rhino", points to the words, says "I know." Then he turns to the audience and says, "Elifino." Rimshot. The audience is still staring blankly. "Unbelievable. I can't believe it. How many times we got to do?" "Gee, Pepe," says Seymour, "maybe we should just sing the song." "Okay," replies Pepe. They start to sing their song again, but get yanked off the stage by the hook. Off to the side, Gonzo says, "That's a couple of sandwiches shy of a picnic basket."
Meanwhile, Andy and Randy have led everyone to the phone desk (where Bobo is still sleeping). Andy points to a door and says the Mad Bomber is in the closet. Clifford says he doesn't want anyone trying any "dangerous, macho, save-the-day heroics."
Spamela: "But I love dangerous, macho, save-the-day heroics." Clifford: "Look out everybody, I'm breaking down the door!"
Clifford runs up to the door, smashes into it, and falls to the floor. But the door opens! The Mad Bomber slowly comes out. Clifford demands, "All right, who are you anyway?" The Bomber says, "Well, to tell you the truth, man...Oh, gosh, what's the point." The Bomber stands up and removes his mask. "Sandra Bullock!" everyone shouts. Yes, it is the guest star. Sandra admits that there wasn't any bomb. She just wanted the ratings to be high so the show would be a success and they would like her and ask her back again. But Clifford tells her that everybody loves her.
Clifford: "Sandra, you could anything and people would enjoy it." Sandra: "I could do anything?" Clifford: "Anything." Sandra: (in a higher voice) "Anything?" Clifford: (higher) "Anything." Sandra: (still higher) "Anything?" Clifford: "My voice don't go that high. Do it, girl!"
The scene then cuts to the stage. Sandra walks out, dressed in outrageous clothes and outfitted with a one-man-band gettup (base drum, cymbals, bicycle horn between the knees -- the works). She is singing "Alexander's Ragtime Band". Clifford and Rizzo come out to say goodnight. Clifford asks for a hand for Sandra Bullock, but Sandra says she isn't finished yet. So Clifford just ends the show with Sandra still going strong.
When they come back from commercials, the show is over, but Sandra is still singing (she's doing "John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmitt" now). Beauregard the janitor walks up to her, hands her the keys, and asks her to lock up when she leaves.
The first few are from Pepe and Seymour. Pepe is pointing to Seymour's sign with his pointer and gets it caught on the sign. In the next one, Pepe is pointing to the sign again, but blows his line. In the third one, he is pointing to Seymour and accidently sticks the stick in Seymour's trunk. "You've got my stickie!" says Pepe. The next has Clifford taking Rizzo in his mouth, as Rizzo struggles valiantly. Next, Sandra blows her line while laughing at Bunsen and Beaker. Sandra blows another line while trying to tell Clifford her guess about the Mad Bomber. In the last one, Andy and Randy walk up to Clifford saying "yo, yo, yo", but Randy turns to the camera and says, "cut, cut, cut," as Clifford asks, "What was wrong with that?"
Go to the Tony Bennett episode