Article 1445 of alt.swedish.chef.bork.bork.bork: Xref: netcom.com alt.swedish.chef.bork.bork.bork:1445 Path: netcom.com!ix.netcom.com!howland.reston.ans.net!newsfeed.internetmci.com!news.dacom.co.kr!simtel!news.sprintlink.net!news1.cris.com!news From: jimwise@cris.com (Jim Wise) Newsgroups: alt.swedish.chef.bork.bork.bork Subject: Vhu's Oon Furst Date: 21 Nov 1995 03:23:42 GMT Organization: Cocentric Research Corporation Lines: 445 Message-ID: <48rgnu$j2m@spectator.cris.com> NNTP-Posting-Host: crc3-fddi.cris.com X-Newsreader: WinVN 0.92.6+ Abbott and Costello's sketch of "Who's On First" is known world-wide, but the little known fact is that they stole the sketch from a pair of Sweedish comedians named Bood Ebbutt and Luoo Custellu. Many Sweedish humor authorities speculate Abbott and Costello also stole their names from the original Sweedish duo, but so far they have been unable to convince scholars from other countries of this. An even lesser known fact is that the great Sweedish Chef was a master of humor and in fact taught Ebbutt and Custellu the ropes of being vaudeville comedians. This is evident in the creative, seemingly random, yet effective use of the phrase "Bork, Bork, Bork!" throughout the sketch. Here is a copy of the original Sweedish sketch to set the record straight. Vhu's Oon Furst (A Sketch by Bood Ebbutt und Luoo Custellu) LOOo: I lufe-a besebell. Vhee ve-a get tu St. Luooees, veell yuoo tell me-a zee gooys' neme-a oon zee teem su vhee I gu tu see-a zeem in thet St. Luooees bellperk I'll be-a eble-a tu knoo thuse-a felloos? BOoD: Ell reeght. Boot yuoo knoo, strunge-a es it mey seem, zeey geefe-a bellpleyers nooedeys fery pecooleeer nemes, neecknemes, leeke-a "Deezzy Deun." Noo oon zee St. Luooees teem ve-a hefe-a Vhu's oon furst, Vhet's oon secund und I Dun't Knoo's oon thurd -- LOOo: Thet's vhet I vunt tu feend oooot. I vunt yuoo tu tell me-a zee nemes ooff zee felloos oon zee St. Luooees teem. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: I'm telleeng yuoo. Vhu's oon furst, Vhet's oon secund, I Dun't Knoo is oon thurd -- LOOo: Yuoo knoo zee felloos' nemes? BOoD: Yes. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Vell, zeen vhu's pleyeeng furst? BOoD: Yes. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: I meun zee felloo's neme-a oon furst bese-a. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Vhu. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Zee felloo pleyeen' furst bese-a fur St. Luooees. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Vhu. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Zee gooy oon furst bese-a. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Vhu is oon furst. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Vell, vhet ere-a yuoo eskeen' me-a fur? BOoD: I'm nut eskeeng yuoo -- I'm telleeng yuoo. VHO IS OoN FIRST! LOOo: I'm eskeeng yuoo -- vhu's oon furst? BOoD: Thet's zee mun's neme-a! LOOo: Thet's vhu's neme-a? BOoD: Yes. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Vell, gu eheed und tell me-a. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Vhu. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Zee gooy oon furst. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Vhu. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Zee furst besemun. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Vhu is oon furst. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Hefe-a yuoo gut a furst besemun oon furst? BOoD: Certeeenly. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Zeen vhu's pleyeeng furst? BOoD: Ebsulootely. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: (poose-a) Vhee yuoo pey ooffff zee furst besemun ifery munt, vhu gets zee muney? BOoD: Ifery duller ooff it. Und vhy nut, zee mun's inteetled tu it. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Vhu is? BOoD: Yes. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Su vhu gets it? BOoD: Vhy shuooldn't he-a? Sumeteemes hees veeffe-a cumes doon und cullects it. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Vhu's veeffe-a? BOoD: Yes. Effter ell zee mun ierns it. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Vhu dues? BOoD: Ebsulootely. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Vell ell I'm tryeeng tu feend oooot is vhet's zee gooys neme-a oon furst bese-a. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Ooh, nu, nu. Vhet is oon secund bese-a. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: I'm nut eskeeng yuoo vhu's oon secund. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Vhu's oon furst. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Thet's vhet I'm tryeeng tu feend oooot. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Vell, dun't chunge-a zee pleyers eruoond. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: I'm nut chungeeng nubudy. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Noo, teke-a it iesy. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Vhet's zee gooy's neme-a oon furst bese-a? BOoD: Vhet's zee gooy's neme-a oon secund bese-a. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: I'm nut eskeen' ya vhu's oon secund. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Vhu's oon furst. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: I dun't knoo. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: He's oon thurd. Ve're-a nut telkeeng ebuoot heem. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Hoo cuoold I get oon thurd bese-a? BOoD: Yuoo menshuned hees neme-a. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Iff I menshuned zee thurd besemun's neme-a, vhu deed I sey is pleyeeng thurd? BOoD: Nu, Vhu's pleyeeng furst. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Stey ooffffa furst, veell ya? BOoD: Vell, vhet du yuoo vunt me-a tu du? LOOo: Noo vhet's zee gooy's neme-a oon furst bese-a? BOoD: Vhet's oon secund. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: I'm nut eskeeng ya vhu's oon secund. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Vhu's oon furst. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: I dun't knoo. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: He's oon thurd. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Zeere-a I gu beck oon thurd egeeen. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Vell, I cun't chunge-a zeeur nemes. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Sey, veell yuoo pleese-a stey oon thurd bese-a? BOoD: Pleese-a. Noo vhet is it yuoo vunt tu knoo? LOOo: Vhet is zee felloo's neme-a oon thurd bese-a? BOoD: Vhet is zee felloo's neme-a oon secund bese-a. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: I'm nut eskeen' ya vhu's oon secund. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Vhu's oon furst. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: I dun't knoo. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: THIRD BESE! LOOo: Yuoo gut un ooootffeeeld? BOoD: Ooh, soore-a. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: St. Luooees hes gut a guud ooootffeeeld? BOoD: Ooh, ebsulootely. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Zee lefft feeelder's neme-a? BOoD: Vhy. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: I dun't knoo, I joost thuooght I'd esk. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Vell, I joost thuooght I'd tell yuoo. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Zeen tell me-a vhu's pleyeeng lefft feeeld. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Vhu's pleyeeng furst. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Stey oooot ooff zee inffeeeld! BOoD: Dun't menshun uny nemes oooot here-a. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: I vunt tu knoo vhet's zee felloo's neme-a in lefft feeeld? BOoD: Vhet is oon secund. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: I'm nut eskeen' ya vhu's oon secund. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Vhu is oon furst. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: I dun't knoo. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD & LOOo: (tugezeer und celmly) Thurd bese-a. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Und zee lefft feeelder's neme-a? BOoD: Vhy. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Becoose-a. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Ooh he's center feeeld. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: (vheempers) Center feeeld. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Yes. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Veeet a meenoote-a. Yuoo gut a peetcher oon thees teem? BOoD: Vuooldn't thees be-a a feene-a teem veethuoot a peetcher. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: I dun't knoo. Tell me-a zee peetcher's neme-a. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Tumurroo. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Yuoo dun't vunt tu tell me-a tudey? BOoD: I'm telleeng yuoo, mun. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Zeen gu eheed. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Tumurroo. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Vhet teeme-a? BOoD: Vhet teeme-a vhet? LOOo: Vhet teeme-a tumurroo ere-a yuoo gunna tell me-a vhu's peetching? BOoD: Noo leestee, Vhu is nut peetching. Vhu is oon -- LOOo: I'LL BREEK YOOoR ERM IF YOOo SEY "VHO'S OoN FIRST!" BOoD: Zeen vhy cume-a up here-a und esk? LOOo: I vunt tu knoo vhet's zee peetcher's neme-a. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Vhet's oon secund. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: I dun't knoo. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD & LOOo: (FERY QOoICKLY) THIRD BESE!! LOOo: Yuoo gutta cetcher? BOoD: Yes. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Zee cetcher's neme-a? BOoD: Tudey. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Tudey. Und Tumurroo's peetching. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Noo yuoo'fe-a gut it. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Thet's ell. St. Luooees hes a cuoople-a ooff deys oon zeeur teem. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Vell, I cun't help thet. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Yuoo knoo I'm a guud cetcher, tuu. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: I knoo thet. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: I vuoold leeke-a tu pley fur zee St. Luooees teem. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Vell I meeght errunge-a thet. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: I vuoold leeke-a tu cetch. Noo I'm beeeng a guud cetcher, Tumurroo's peetching oon zee teem, und I'm cetcheeng. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Yes. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Tumurroo throos zee bell und zee gooy up boonts zee bell. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Yes. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Noo vhee he-a boonts zee bell -- me-a beeeng a guud cetcher -- I vunt tu throo zee gooy oooot et furst bese-a, su I peeck up zee bell und throo it tu vhu? BOoD: Noo thet's zee furst theeng yuoo'fe-a seeed reeght. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: I DON'T IFEN KNOV VHET I'M TELKING EBOOoT!!! BOoD: Vell, thet's ell yuoo hefe-a tu du. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Is tu throo it tu furst bese-a? BOoD: Yes. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Noo vhu's gut it? BOoD: Netoorelly. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Vhu hes it? BOoD: Netoorelly. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Netoorelly. BOoD: Netoorelly. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: OoK. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Noo yuoo'fe-a gut it. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: I peeck up zee bell und I throo it tu Netoorelly. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Nu yuoo dun't, yuoo throo zee bell tu furst bese-a. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Zeen vhu gets it? BOoD: Netoorelly. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: OoK. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Ell reeght. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: I throo zee bell tu Netoorelly. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Yuoo dun't. Yuoo throo it tu Vhu. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Netoorelly. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Vell, netoorelly. Sey it thet vey. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Thet's vhet I seeed. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Yuoo deed nut. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: I seeed I'd throo zee bell tu Netoorelly. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Yuoo dun't. Yuoo throo it tu Vhu. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Netoorelly. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Yes. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Su I throo zee bell tu furst bese-a und Netoorelly gets it. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Nu. Yuoo throo zee bell tu furst bese-a -- LOOo: Zeen vhu gets it? BOoD: Netoorelly. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Thet's vhet I'm seyeeng. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Yuoo're-a nut seyeeng thet. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: I throo zee bell tu Netoorelly. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Yuoo throo it tu Vhu! LOOo: Netoorelly. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Netoorelly. Vell sey it thet vey. LOOo: THET'S VHET I'M SEYING! BOoD: Noo dun't get ixceeted. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Vhu's getteen' ixceeted? I throo zee zee bell tu furst bese-a -- BOoD: Zeen Vhu gets it. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: (unnuyed) HE BETTER GET IT! BOoD: Thet's it. Ell reeght noo, teke-a it iesy. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Hrmmph. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Hrmmph. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Noo I throo zee bell tu furst bese-a, vhuefer it is grebs zee bell, su zee gooy roons tu secund. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Uh-hooh. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Vhu peecks up zee bell und throos it tu Vhet. Vhet throos it tu I Dun't Knoo. I Dun't Knoo throos it beck tu Tumurroo -- a treeple-a pley. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Yeeh. It cuoold be-a. Bork Bork Bork! LOOo: Unuzeer gooy gets up und it's a lung fly bell tu center. Vhy? I dun't knoo, he's oon thurd, und I dun't geefe-a a dern. Bork Bork Bork! BOoD: Vhet deed yuoo sey? LOOo: I seeed "I dun't geefe-a a dern." BOoD: Ooh, thet's oooor shurtstup! LOOo: EBBOTT!