From: curt@emory.edu (Curt Stauffer) Newsgroups: alt.swedish.chef.bork.bork.bork Subject: New! From K-Sel: The Chef Sings Elvis Date: 18 Mar 93 14:18:36 GMT Organization: Emory University, Atlanta, GA Lines: 119 The following Ad is compliments of my wife Nancy, a true Chef fan. I furnished the encheferizer only -- Curt 3/18/93. K-SEL PRESENTS The scene: A darkened stage. Suddenly, the haunting strains of the theme to 2001: A Space Odyssey breaks the silence. Slowly, the lights begin to come up, illuminating a group of musicians and backup singers. Everything is bathed in a haze of blue lighting, except for a column of blackness in the dead center of the stage. The tension from the audience feels as solid as a wall. As the music moves towards its climax, a beam of white light stabs through the darkness at the of center stage and illuminates a solitary figure in a white, rhinestone-studded jumpsuit and white chef's hat with his back to the crowd. As the final strains of the the music dies, the audience goes wild. There is no movement from the figure. Suddenly, his left hand begins to count beats of a song. Loud music from his band fills the auditorium, and, as he wheels about to face his fans, this song is heard: Yuoo eeen't nutheen' boot a huoond dug, Cryeen' ell zee teeme-a. Bork Bork Bork! Yuoo eeen't nutheen' boot a huoond dug, Cryeen' ell zee teeme-a. Bork Bork Bork! Yuoo eeen't nefer cooght a rebbeet, Und yuoo eeen't nu freeend ooff meene-a. In honor of the issuing of the Elvis Presley stamp, K-Sel proudly presents: THE SWEDISH CHEF SINGS THE HITS OF ELVIS! Who else but K-Sel could (or would, for that matter) bring you an album of some of the greatest music in the modren world, sung by the greatest song (not to mention food) stylist of our time?! You'll hear such classics as: Eferybudy in zee vhule-a cell bluck Ves dunceen' tu zee Jeeel Huoose-a Ruck. Bork Bork Bork! Feefa, Les Feges! Feefa, Les Feges! Veese-a mee sey Oonly fuuls fell in lufe-a, Boot I cun't help felleeng in lufe-a veet yuoo. Bork Bork Bork! Seence-a my beby lefft me-a, I'fe-a fuoond a noo plece-a tu dvell. Bork Bork Bork! It's doon et zee ind ooff Lunely Street. Bork Bork Bork! It's celled Heertbreek Hutel And the immortal: Boot yuoor keesses leefft me-a heegher. Bork Bork Bork! Leeke-a zee sveet sung ooff desure-a. Bork Bork Bork! Yuoo leeght my murneeng fure-a, Boorneeng lufe-a! (I'm joost a hoonka, hoonka boorneeng lufe-a! I'm joost a choonka, choonka boorneeng lufe-a!) And if you act now, we'll also include (at no extra cost) the Chef's own recipe for the King's favorite food: peanut butter and banana sandwiches! Furst yuoo teke-a a lueff ooff fresh, vheete-a breed. Zeen yuoo coot tvu beeg sleeces frum zee center vhere-a zee breed is zee sufftest. Dun't use-a zee inds! Zeey hefe-a ell zee croost oon zeem, und zeey're-a herd. Zee breed moost be-a sufft su it veell steeck tu zee ruuff ooff yuoor muoot. Effter yuoo hefe-a deescerded zee remeeender ooff zee lueff, plece-a zee tvu sleeces ooff breed oon yuoor plete-a. Zeen yuoo get a kneeffe-a und spreed es mooch peunoot bootter es yuoo leeke-a oon zee breed sleeces. Yuoo cun poot it oon oone-a sleece-a oor oon but. I preffer a vhule-a jer ooff peunoot bootter. It duesn't metter iff yuoo use-a smuut oor choonky style-a. Noo fur zee deefffficoolt pert. Teke-a zee bununa und peel it. Vheele-a leefeeng zee peel oon dues edd sume-a flefur und feeber, it cun sumeteemes be-a tuu streengy. Et thees pueent, yuoo moost deceede-a iff yuoo vunt yuoor bununa sleeced (lung veys oor shurt veys) oor iff yuoo vunt tu mesh it up. Effter yuoo hefe-a deceeded hoo yuoo vunt yuoor bununa, plece-a it ettrecteefely oon yuoor sundveech. Iff yuoo trooly vunt tu hefe-a a sundveech leeke-a Ilfees use-a tu iet, yuoo veell vunt tu spreenkle-a un essurtment ooff peells oon yuoor sundveech et thees pueent. Zee feenel step is tu plece-a zee tvu sleeces ooff breed tugezeer. It is impurtunt tu remember tu poot zee peunoot bootter seedes tugezeer. Thees vey, oonly zee breed veell steeck tu zee ruuff ooff yuoor muoot. Iff yuoo try tu steeck zee peunoot bootter tu zee ruuff ooff yuoor muoot, it veell sleep. Bork Bork Bork! Unh-uhooh, thunk yuoo, thunk yuoo fery mooch. Bork Bork Bork! So, don't wait another minute! Send all the chickens you own (plus as many as you can get from your friends) to: The Chef Sings Elvis Rock 'n Roll Heaven Yes, I'm STILL Dead, TN 66666-6666 ORDER TODAY!! -- Curt Stauffer Emory University Information Systems Atlanta, GA curt@emoryu1 (Bitnet) curt@unix.cc.emory.edu (Internet)