© 1994 Erwin H. Lerner

Scene
The stoop of a city tenement.

Time

The present, a summer night.

Characters

Two Drunks..............Men.

Dudley Wattsrite......A young man.

Hatty Duzwell...........A young woman.

Voices.......................People.

At Rise:

DUDLEY WATTSRITE seated on stoop, broods.

A long study.

Finally:

                        TWO DRUNKS

             (Enter Left, singing)

It's a night like any other night/It's a night.

            (THEY see DUDLEY WATTSRITE)

                        1ST DRUNK

It's a bird!

                        2ND DRUNK

An aeroplane!

                        DUDLEY WATTSRITE

            (Imitates James Cagney)

I'll tear you bums apart!

                        1ST DRUNK

It's a movie star!

                        2ND DRUNK

An aeroplane!

                        DUDLEY

            (Himself)

Take a walk!

                        TWO DRUNKS

            (Sing)

It's a night like any other night/It's a night.

            (BOTH Exit Right)

                        DUDLEY

            (Shouts)

Insanity!

                        VOICES

            (OFF, shout)

Quiet, screwballs!

Shut up down there!

Knock it off!

                        HATTY DUZWELL

            (Enters Left, gazes at him; softly)

Why do you shout?

                        DUDLEY

            (Sees HER)

I’m desperate.  Would you--could you--will you help me?

                        HATTY

I've never met anyone like you.

                        DUDLEY

My brain is exploding!

                        HATTY

Is there a reason?  My name is Hatty Duzwell.

                        DUDLEY

I'm Dudley Wattsrite.

                        HATTY

What's your background?  I forget mine!

                        DUDLEY

I see an aura of mystery about you!

                        HATTY

Take me home!

                        DUDLEY

I don’t have a place.

                        HATTY

Nor I. Do you think about marriage and having children?

                        DUDLEY

Not until now.

                        HATTY

I could destroy you! 

                        TWO DRUNKS

            (Enter Right, singing)

It's a night like any other night/It's a night.

            (THEY see HATTY and DUDLEY)

                        1ST DRUNK

It's a love affair!

                        2ND DRUNK

It’s two aeroplanes!

                        DUDLEY

Freaks!

                        HATTY

Mutations!

                        1ST DRUNK

            (To 2ND DRUNK)

I’m ashamed of myself!

                        2ND DRUNK

Ditto!

                        TWO DRUNKS

            (Sing)

It's a night like any other night/It's a night.

            (BOTH Exit Left)

                        DUDLEY

Can we communicate?

                        HATTY

I read newspapers and watch teevee comentators.

                        DUDLEY

I love you!

                        HATTY

And I, you!

                        DUDLEY

You, me, what?

                        HATTY

Love you!

                        DUDLEY

Let's.

                        HATTY

Do it?  Now?  Here?

                        DUDLEY

Love is where you find it.

                        TWO DRUNKS

            (Enter Left, singing)

It's a night like any other night/It's a night.

                        DUDLEY

            (Sings)

It's a night like any other night.

                        HATTY

            (Sings)

It's a night like any other night.

                        ALL

            (Sing)

It's a night like any other nigh/It’s a night.

                        VOICES     

            (OFF, shout)

Flake off down there!

Cut out the noise!

Let decent people sleep!

Flake off down there!

Sing it tune!