BOLINDA

(Looks up)

Dear?

DONALD

(Reading)

Yes, dear?

BOLINDA

Be a darling, dear:  make me another whiskey sour.

DONALD

(As before)

I'm reading, dear.

                                   BOLINDA

But, dear, I'm writing.

                                 DONALD

(Looks up)

Your writing is less important than my reading. 

                                  BOLINDA

I happen to e working on a contest entry, Donald.  The first prize is a weekend for two in Cleveland, next August.

DONALD

Bolinda, you've had one too many whiskey sours.

                                                BOLINDA

Go to hell! 

DONALD

That infantile response is entirely uncalled for.

THE DOORBELL RINGS:  LONG; SHORT; LONG.

BOLINDA

(Annoyed, looks to door)

Damn it!  Who can that be?

DONALD

(Simultaneously, looks)

It’s more than likely--what's-his-name?--your big-chested protector in high school.

BOLINDA

Richie the Beast?

DONALD

What is Richard’s family name?  I met him by chance one day last week, and half-heartedly invited him to call on us--I intimated "briefly"--over the holidays.

BOLINDA

Donald, this contest entry must be post-marked by midnight tonight.

DONALD

I thought you might get a kick out of his company.

BOLINDA

Christmas Day with Richie the Beast?

DONALD

He seemed so lonely and friendless.  He was practically in tears, telling me about his parents' recently having been shot to death--gangland rub-out style:  in the back of the head.

THE DOORBELL RINGS THREE TIMES AS BEFORE.

BOLINDA

You should have Invited him to pay you an office visit.

DONALD

I considered that possibility.  His psychological profile doesn't fit my criteria for successful therapy.

BOLINDA

Don't let me stop you from answering the door.

(Resumes typing)

DONALD

(;Rises, rests notebook on armchair cushion; opens front door, looks outside; returns, closes door)

That's odd!  I looked out, and didn't see a soul.

(Returns to armchair, sits)

Someone rang our doorbell precisely three times, then three times again.  Do any of the neighbors ring that particular pattern?  Bolinda, you might show common courtesy and answer my question.

                        THE TELEPHONE RINGS.

BOLINDA

(Busy)

Please answer the telephone.

DONALD

You're right next to it.

BOLINDA

                        (As before)

I’m not home.

DONALD

(Sighs)

Yes, dear.

(Rises, crosses to telephone; answers)

Hello?  Hello!

(Hangs up)

No one was on the line.  What on earth is going on?

BOLINDA

You took too long to answer.  While you're up, dear, how about mixing me a whiskey sour?

(Resumes work)

DONALD

(Goes to bar, mixes whiskey sour during following)

There must be a rational explanation!I’ll bet you anything the call was from Richard, to say he's not in a suburbanish mood.  Still, he could possibly have felt suburbanish, rang our doorbell, and concluded we aren't in.  Then--of course, I’m conjecturing--he stopped at the nearest pay phone to double-check.  I hope he doesn't feel rejected.  At least your tempo won't be interrupted, dear.  I know how badly you must write--not that you write badly.

BOLINDA

(Busy)

Score one cheap shot for the doctor of psychology.

DONALD

As a matter of fact, though, your poetic urge is sublimation for an unfulfilled child-bearing instinct.  You portend to value reason over emotion; you presume rationality, attempting--literally--to assert control over language--albeit adequately, I might add.

THE DOORBELL RINGS LONG AND LOUD.

BOLINDA

(Stops, looks up)

The doorbell is ringing--literally!  Won’t you see who it is?

DONALD

(Looks up)

You see who it is while I finish mixing your inspiration.

BOLINDA

Do it!!

DONALD

(Opens front door; excitedly, to OFF)

Isn’t this a pleasant surprise?  Come in, Richard.

RICHARD

(Enters, Rear-Center, wears  overcoat, suit, dress shirt, tie, patent leather shoes, fedora)

Merry Christmas, Donny!  Stay loose!

(Fakes a punch at DONALD's stomach)

DONALD

(Startled, defensively jumps away)

Don't!

DONALD

Ho, ho, ho!

(Crosses to BOLINDA)

Hey, Bolie!

DONALD

(Shuts front door, crosses to desk; to BOLINDA)

Dear, you remember Richard.

RICHARD

What's cooking, Babe?  I never knew you could work a computer.

BOLINDA

(Busy)

Richie, I must concentrate to meet an important contest deadline.  First prize is a weekend for two in Cleveland.

RICHARD

Yeah?  Sensational!

DONALD

Richard, let’s allow the contestant her space to perform.

RICHARD

You should hang out a sign: DO NOT DISTURB, POEM WRITER AT WORK!

DONALD

(Chuckles; to BOLINDA)

You're not disturbed, are you, dear?

RICHARD

Babe, how's about I give you a good-luck smack on the lips?

(Kisses BOLINDA's lips)

BOLINDA

(Stiffens, turns away)

Richie, your breath!

RICHARD

(Embarassed)

Why'd you say that?

BOLINDA

It’s atrocious.

DONALD

Richard, squish some whiskey sour in your mouth

RICHARD

Yeah!  I just ate two slices with anchovies and garlic.

DONALD

(Returns to bar, pours two drinks from  decanter, gives RICHARD  filled coctail glass)

Just what the doctor ordered!

RICHARD

(Takes drink; to DONALD and BOLINDA)

Here's to youse!

(Takes a sip, squishes it in his mouth, chugalugs remainder of drink)

DONALD

(Places second filled glass on desk near BOLINDA)

Here you are dear, prepared with undying love, unceasing admiration and unqualified respect.

BOLINDA

It's about time!

(Pauses, sips drink)

I need a word that rhymes with egocentric.

DONALD

Ecclectic?  Epileptic?

RICHARD

(Rests empty glass on bar, removes his hat)

Say, guys:  where should I dump my hat?

DONALD

You needn’t dump it!

(Takes hat, rests it aside during following)

Take off your coat, Richard, make yourself at home.

RICHARD

Yeah, okay, I feel real hot!

(Removes overcoat, gives it to DONALD, who takes coat and places it with hat)

BOLINDA

Remove your jacket, Richie, show off your manly chest.

RICHARD

             (Blushes; to BOLINDA)

Get off my case, Bolie!

BOLINDA

Why don't you let Donald play with your gun?

RICHARD

No way!  My six-shooter ain't no toy.

(Removes suit jacket, beneath which he wears a revolver in a holster)

BOLINDA

I’ll say it’s not! 

                         (Resumes work)

DONALD

(Indicates sofa)

Richard, have a seat.  Who won the big game?

RICHARD

(Sprawls at one end of sofa)

What game?

DONALD

The football game.

RICHARD

What one?

DONALD

(Sits at opposite end of sofa)

The Christmas Bowl.

RICHARD

Who cares?

BOLINDA

(Busy)

How's business, Richie?

RICHARD

I took off for the holiday!

BOLINDA

              (As before)

 How you execute your work is beyond me!

RICHARD

I do different contracts different ways.  I size-up a target, follow him or her around day and night--  sometimes weeks at a time-- and bang-gabang-gabang-bang-bang!

DONALD

Richard, am I to infer that you take human lives for your livelihood?

RICHARD

I make a better than decent living at it!  

DONALD

How can a killer possibly know what love is?

RICHARD

I know all about it!

BOLINDA

                  (As before)                      

Teach him what you know, Richie!

RICHARD

I can't teach nobody my business.  Either you know how, or  forget about it—hey!  Donny, in the book you loanded me, it’s called  instinct.

DONALD

You're reading it:   "A Primer on Freudian Psychology”\-- Bolinda,  if you 've not spoken to Richard since high school, how is it that you know of his  business? 

BOLINDA

He telephones me occasionally to vent his emotions!

RICHARD