Toddling Along: What the…?
By
Gemsong

I am beginning to think that Daniel should buy stock in Starbucks. He loves their coffee. I do too. Rather I did. Weird that I don’t like the taste anymore. However, they make the best hot chocolate this side of South America…. Or wherever chocolate comes from. Not too sweet but rich. Of course with under developed taste buds, for all I know it probably comes out of packet.

It’s after work and we’re meeting Janet. She’s here before us and got the good chairs. The big overstuffed lounge chairs. The ones I can climb on and not hear “Jack get down before you hurt yourself again”. Of course with Daniel and Janet doing the head together quiet yakking, I doubt they’d notice if I’d fell on my head.

Have I mentioned how boring it is? Not that I mind Daniel and Janet together. It’s about damned time if you ask me. Of course if they move any slower, I’ll be an adult by the time they actually get together. For crying out loud.

I turned my attention elsewhere. They make a cute couple but seriously. Yawnville. I hung over the back of the chair. It faced the window. It was bright and sunny out. But since there were no umbrellas or anything, nobody was in the outdoor seating. Not a surprise there. It’s also hot out there. All hail the air conditioning god.

Ah… another potential customer. I frown. She’s going to sit out there. Attractive in a somewhat snobbish, high class way. Let’s see. The blond for a bottle. Tan from a can. Crease proof lime jacket with color coordinated pants with a crease so sharp to cause paper cuts from a distance. Big oversized junk jewelry necklace to hide the 10 grand boob job.

“Bwain by Thaks… body by mattel,” I said.

I heard a choking sound behind me. “What Jack?” Daniel asked.

I pointed to the woman sitting in the bright sunlight. Her toes were orange I swear. They matched her fingernails.

“Shiny toes,” I said. I heard Janet cough. I’ve heard of glow in the dark nail polish, but glow in the sun?

Bottled Barbie was soon joined by two more of her ilk. Brunettes both. Clothing a few dollars less. They must shop at Sears as opposed to Saks. Capri pants on the one. Sundress on the other. Sundress must have been a rebel. She had a tattoo around her ankle. Looked kinda red. Must be a temporary tattoo.

“How come dey thit out dere?” I asked.

“Maybe they’re waiting for someone,” Daniel said trying to sound reasonable and open-minded.

“Fo what?” I asked. “To cawwee dere coffee?” Janet coughed again. I wondered if she was coming down with something.

I continued to hang over the back of the chair. 15 minutes later the three came in. You could feel the heat from the open door as the air conditioner god struggled to protect his devoted minions. First to the counter? Barbie with Capri and Sundress dutifully awaiting their turn. Barbie bought a bottle of coffee and a sandwich. A bottle? She bought the bottled version. Not fresh. No. A bottle. Like they have in the gas stations.

Sundress and Capri ordered a couple decafs. Decaf. Why bother? Decaf is a sin. The caffeine god should strike them down.

Then the fourth shows up, out of breath. And guess what. She carries the drinks to the three remaining.

“Told ya tho,” I said.

“What Jack?” Daniel asked. Obviously not having one of his brighter moments.

“Hawomy is da tagawong,” I said.

Janet snorted a mouthful of her green tea frappacino. So I’ve been watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer with Cassie. It’s a cool show. At least Janet knew who Harmony was. Daniel was clueless.

“Jack, it’s not nice to talk about people like that,” Daniel said. “Especially when they might here you.”

I shrugged. “Don’t wike it, don’t wisten,” I said.

“Jack….” Daniel drawled. I don’t like when he says my name like that. It’s usually closely followed by something I’m not gonna like.

“Wha?” I asked. I pulled the sweet angelic face that sometimes works.

I was saved by Janet still choking. She wiped up the table where she sprayed then started blowing and wiping her nose. I think it hurt when she snorted her tea. Could have been worse. It could have been hot.

I turned my attention back to the window. Saw the inevitable college type with laptop in tow. Harried mothers melting in the heat will their over active spawn seemed immune to the temperature.

I blinked. A did a double take.

“Whoa!” I said. “Addams famawy!”

“What Jack?” Daniel said. You know, he’s been saying that a lot today.

I pointed. Three ‘young’ people I assume dressed all in black in the current ‘goth’ look. Two women and a man. The man was completely covered all the way to a jacket and hate. We don’t want to mention the frilly white shirt with the lace. The women wore long black dresses though their arms were bare. The hair in that bottle black. Gotta be bottle to be that opaque. And they were so pale to be transparent.

“I don’t see how anyone can wear black in this heat,” Janet said.

“Kinda big to be weawing dat much bwack,” I said.

Daniel coughed. “Uh…. I’ve heard that many people consider black a ‘slimming’ shade,” he said trying to be diplomatic.

“Don’t think dat much bwack in da word,” I said.

Daniel’s coffee tried to take the same route as Janet’s tea. In his case it was hot. I bet that hurt.

FINI