Toddling Along: Oh NO!
By
Gemsong

Daniel was in the men’s room. Janet was at the counter getting refills and more paper towels. And I’m extremely bored. The Barbie brigade is still in the corner. The lead Barbie with the orange nails is doing the hair flip thing. If I were a good boy, I’d stay right here in this nice comfy chair until Daniel or Janet get back.

I’m not a good boy.

I got up and slowly sauntered my way back to them. They just chatted away, oblivious to my presence. Either they don’t have kids or they have nannies.

Where to start? Ah. I’ve got it. I go back to our chairs and dig through Daniel’s briefcase until I find what I need. Then back to the Barbies. Yup. Still oblivious to me. I settle down on the floor next to Sundress. The tattoo is a pattern of Celtic knots. All the rage apparently. Definitely a temporary tattoo. I have to do it. I start coloring it with the permanent marker.

I’m about a quarter through the pattern when she finally noticing something is going on. She starts to reach down and hits my head. She shrieked. You’d think she just saw Stuart Little.

“What are you doing?!” Sundress yelled.

“Cowwering?” I said holding up the red sharpie.

Tagalong gently took the pen from me and put the cap back on. “Honey, you can’t color on people,” she said. “It’s not nice.”

“Okay,” I said, using the brown eyes for all I was worth. She melted. She has more than two brain cells.

Meanwhile Sundress was scrubbing at her ankle. The tattoo was coming off. My artistic endeavor wasn’t. Now that’s entertainment.

“Where’s your mommy, honey?” Tagalong asked.

I pointed at Janet at the counter. Then I slid over to Capri and patted her stomach which wasn’t quite hidden by the shirt she was trying to wear. The buttons were holding up protest signs.

“Is you baby a boy or giwl?” I asked doing the big eyes routine.

Her face went bright red. She sputtered and choked. Nothing coherent came out. Wonder if anything ever did.

I turned to Head Barbie. She had this expression on her face of bored amusement as the state of her posse. I grabbed the arm of her chair and hoisted myself until my face was inches away from her bust.

“Ah does fow weal?” I asked brightly.

I learned something. When you go red beneath a fake tan you look kind burnt orange instead of brown. Interesting.

“JACK!”

Janet’s voice. The voice that promised honkin big needles in my future. I was abruptly scooped up in the air.

“I am so sorry he bothered you,” Janet said holding me tightly.

“Mama…. Aiw…” I murmured against the hold. She eased up a little.

“Oh that’s all right,” Tagalong said. “You have a very sweet son.” Her’s was the only real smile to be had and there was a sparkle in her eyes. I think she enjoyed it as much as I did.

Janet carried me off. I was in trouble, but I couldn’t help myself. Okay, I didn’t try either.

“Jack…. You are evil,” Janet said as she plunked me down on my chair again. I bounced.

I shrugged. Then I noticed Janet’s smirk. Apparently she heard more than I thought. I struggled to look repentant. Didn’t work.

“Gonna tell Da?” I asked.

“Hell no,” Janet said sipping her tea.

Maybe no needles after all.


FINI