Toddling Along: The Bank
By
Gemsong

I have three doctorates. I can speak 26 languages some of which have never been heard on this planet. I am a member of a team of explorers who cross go around the galaxy protecting the innocent and destroying evil wherever we go.

So what was I thinking when I walked into the bank during lunch hour with a downsized Jack in tow. The two year old with the mind of a perverse and mentally unstable 50 year old. I must have been insane. Somebody shoot me. Twice with a zat. Bury me beneath a tombstone that reads “here lies a total bloody idiot”.

I think the air conditioning was broken. I could feel the sweat trickling down my back. The place was packed and there was a long line. I had Jack on his leash and he was hopping up and down in place. So maybe it wasn’t that hot. Maybe I was just nervous. Jack has been embarrassing perverse lately. At times he seems to embrace his childhood and turns into a monster.

We got in line behind a woman. Probably on break from the office or such. She was wearing a business suit with a pager clipped to her purse. She was rather…. Amply endowed. I should have known what would happen.

Suddenly Jack’s voice seemed to echo throughout the room at high volume. "Gee thee's fat!"

I quickly pulled Jack close. “Be quiet!” I hissed.

“Well… thee ith,” Jack muttered.

A couple of minutes passed by and I started to breath when suddenly Jack opened the hellmouth again. He spread his hands as far as they would go and announced; "I'll bet her butt is thith wide!"

The woman turned around and glared at the Jack and then glared at me. I felt my face go red as I yanked Jack close again. “Have you lost your mind?!” I hissed.

“Thowwy,” Jack muttered. “I couldn’ help it.”

“Try.”

“I did.”

“Try harder.”

We were blessed with a brief lull and the uh… robust woman reached the front of the line. Suddenly her pager went off emitting a loud series of beeps.

Abruptly Jack yelled. "Run, thee's backing up!!"

I’m going to kill myself.

Fini