Toddling Along: The Picture
By Gemsong

Author's Note: See below for picture that inspired this fic.

****

I’m not whose idea this was. And once I figure out who originally came up with this I am going to systematically make every moment of the rest of their life a painful living hell. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind getting my picture taken. I’ve posed for enough for pictures with my family, my team, whatever.

This on the other hand is the ultimate in humiliation. Daniel, you rat bastard, I’m gonna get you for this.

Here I am in a photographer’s studio getting a portrait done. Did I mention I suddenly hate the colors brown and blue? Particularly brown and blue floppy things with bells on them? A jester. I’m dressed up like a freaking jester! I’m going to kill somebody.

The photographer is trying to get me to smile for the camera. He’s got a little red ball on a string and is bouncing it up and down trying to get my attention and get me to smile. I almost smiled when I considered where I would like to shove his bouncy red ball.

Daniel is standing behind him with that goofy grin on his face that I hate so much. The one that screams ‘isn’t he cute’.

Then he waves at me wiggling his fingers in my direction. “Come on, Jack,” he said. “Smile for camera.”

“Thew you,” I replied giving him my best evil eye.

Teal’c is standing behind him. His face is a complete mask of neutrality. I think Mount Rushmore has more expression. He let them do this to me. He even held me still while Daniel dressed me in this… this…. Nightmare!

Sam and Janet are standing there with a stunned look on their face. I think Janet is going to going to have to dust her teeth if she doesn’t close her mouth soon. Sam’s face is starting to contort. She’s going to laugh. I know she is. Suddenly she hurries out of the room. I hate her. How could she leave me like this!! How could she betray me!

Betrayed by all those I trusted.

Daniel’s now making faces at me. He is sooooo dead. Janet finally closes her mouth and turns to Daniel. Suddenly her arm comes up and she whacks him hard on the back of the head and he stumbles.

“Ow!”

I smile. I giggle. I can’t help it. I laugh.

I have to give the photographer credit. He starts quickly snapping away with the camera. I stop smiling and glare at him. Sigh. It just doesn’t have the same effect it used to. He’s oblivious. But he got his picture. Damn it.

Daniel comes over and scoops me up in his arms. I’d punch him, but being dropped from this height is not a good idea. But he’s going to be so dead.

Janet turned to Teal’c. Our little medical power monger had her hands on her hips.

“This was your idea?” she demanded.

“O’Neill is often referred to as a ‘joker’,” my *former* friend said without shame. “The costume was appropriate.”

I glare Teal’c now. He’s dead. His kneecaps are mine!

Fini