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...Something For When You're Bored!
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My Blog
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I started keeping this blog as an attempt to make lemonade with the lemons life tossed my way.
Coincidentally, some entries are a bit more sour than others.
The blog entries keep coming, as do the death threats and bags of poo on fire on my door step.
It's been well over three years since my first posting, and all I can say is, "I can't believe you keep coming back!"
But seriously, thank you all for the continued support, encouragement and inspiration. I
hope you all keep reading, keep smiling, and keep cashing those bribe checks I've been sending.
For all you newcomers, thank you for taking the time. I hope you enjoy the nonsense that rattles
around in my head. Oh, BTW ..... don't forget to sign my guestbook!
Please note the blog entries are listed in reverse chronological order.
To view previous entries to my blog, please follow the date links at the bottom of this page. Thanks.
Want to be automatically notified of updates to this
page? Click here.
Click here to see me hard at work.
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Friday, March 31, 2006
Quarterly Review
Most people make resolutions at the beginning of a new year. It makes perfect sense. New year, new life.
Out with the old, in with the new. If you’ve read this blog from the beginning, you know all about my previous attempts
and failures with this process. But I am thinking of doing something different. Something groundbreaking and monumental.
OK…. maybe I'm exaggerating that last part, but it is something fairly unique.
Beginning tomorrow, I am resetting and restating my resolutions. New quarter, new opportunity to make a change
in direction and attitude. Not that my current direction and attitude is bad, but I have identified several ‘growth’
areas that I really want to tackle beginning, quite ironically, this April 1st (no fool’n!). I can look back
and see how much I’ve grown and changed since the beginning of the year, and I want to make sure I don’t allow myself to get
complacent with where, or who, I am. Besides, so much can happen in 90 days.
Case in point. I was listening to Sister Hazel on my drive into work and thought about how my emotional connection
or ability to relate to songs has shifted in the last three months. If I look specifically at their last album, Lift,
I used to focus on one song in particular. Another Me was my personal anthem. “And I'm waiting for another
me / One that can change the pain of yesterday and carry me through another day / And I'm waiting for another me / One in
between the burn and the lessons learned / 'Cause being me ain't no way to be”. My life was a daily burden. It
was a struggle to get through the emotional hangover of everything.
Then, with the help of friends and loved ones – not to mention God’s grace – I decided to turn it around. I decided
to be more accepting of God’s will and my situation. I stopped looking over my shoulder and decided to look at the road
ahead. I made a choice to embrace all that God gave me, and not dwell on the things I felt had been unfairly taken away.
Specifically, I allowed myself to see everything that was right in front of me for such a long time. My angel.
My foundation. My saving grace. I hit the button on my iPod to go back two tracks on my SH playlist. “I've
been restless but you have been so patient / Well I carelessly wasted my time / But you left the door open and you kept the
light on / You waited for me to arrive”
Sometimes it takes something as common and mundane as morning traffic to help us realize what it is we’re seeking.
It takes a couple of moments of our everyday to find the answers to those questions we ask ourselves. It takes an ‘all
of the sudden’ experience to remind us of all the special things in our lives and everything we already have.
A lot of new things kick off tomorrow. Not only do I hope to stick to my game plan, I hope I have the discipline
going forward to periodically take the time and assess the things in my life on which I can improve. Whether I accomplish
them all or not, the important thing is that I recognize the effort and how far I have come from that dark place of way back
when. More importantly, I want to make sure I make the time everyday to appreciate my kids and to thank Lee for getting
me to where I am today. I want to look in her deep, blue, soul-stabbing eyes and tell her ….
I'm in the moment
The one where nothing matters
And everything's alright
I'm seeing things so clearly now
And
you're the reason why
I'm in the moment
And I've alive
I'm alive
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Transitions
I am in the process of moving from one place to the next. The move was prompted by a desire to be closer to my
kids, and overall the move works out great for me with regards to logistics and finances. My kids love the new place
and are very excited. There is more room for them, the apartment is closer to them, and the newness of it all is fun
and uplifting.
I, however, am not completely moved in just yet, and I am dealing with being in a transition period. It can be
frustrating and overwhelming managing the daily nuances of ‘what do I have left to do?’ Dealing with phone and cable
service, changes of address, scheduling appointments for this and that. I wish it would all just get done. I wish
I could look at this whole effort the way my kids do. They don’t see all the ‘behind-the-scenes’ work that is takes
place.
But then again, isn’t that what being a kid is all about? I have to remind myself that as a parent, not only do
I have to allow them to be kids, I need to do all that I can to ensure they can be kids. All too often I find myself
explaining things in detail to Natalie and Daniel. Although their curiosity is great, there are many times when all
I should say is, “don’t worry about it and go play.” There is no reason for me to contribute to them growing up
more quickly.
The world does a good enough job of this as it is. There is a reason I don’t watch CNN or MSNBC with my kids in
the room. I don’t want them to grow up worrying about the war in Iraq, gas prices and Hollywood liberalism. I
don’t want them to worry about stuff I worry about like budgets and deadlines and weight management. I want them to
focus on drawing and reading and creating. I want them to enjoy the video games they play and the animated shows they
watch. I want them to be kids.
Some will say that I am sheltering my kids. Taken to an extreme, some would argue that I am lying to my kids.
Of course I am. That’s my job as a dad and responsible parent. It’s to protect the innocence they have.
An innocence they will have to abruptly relinquish when it is time for them to grow up. Why not want to preserve that?
We get only one chance at being young and carefree, which is exactly why I want to maximize this experience for them.
But just like all other things in life, sheltering my kids takes moderation and balance. It takes knowing what
is and is not appropriate for my kids. It takes knowing them well enough to recognize what they can and cannot understand.
It takes the desire to put forth the effort that is needed to shield them as best I can from the sometimes brutally harsh
realities of our world.
It’s not easy and I don’t always succeed in getting it right. Just like my desire to get settled into my place,
I work to give my kids an environment that is stable, comfortable and, most importantly, safe. But the truth is that
we are all in transition from day to day. It’s as if we unpack a box to immediately pack it up again. As long
as I am doing the packing and unpacking for my kids, too, then I know I am doing something right.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
30 Seconds to Mosh
I went to a 30 Seconds to Mars concert last night. I have to definitely say it was fucking different than any other concert I have ever attended.
To say simply it was just different would not do the experience justice. First of all, let me begin by stating that
I am just now coming down from the contact high, so I apologize in advance for any typos. Secondly, anybody got some
Doritos?
I have to admit that at first I did not get into it. Part of the reason is that although I had heard a couple of
the band’s songs before, I never really listened to them. Truth be told, I am not really sure I got a chance to 'listen'
to them last night either, but seeing them live and feeling the energy of the crowd did make me like them a whole lot more.
It was electrifying and terrifying all at the same time. Electrifying because the sense of crowd was tangible, and you
could feel the mob level rising. Terrifying because we were standing four people deep from where the mosh pit developed,
and you could feel the mob level rising.
As for the mosh pit, it was something I never really understood when I was in college. I remember catching a couple
of shows at Tipitina’s and thinking how crazy those kids were that moshed. In looking at those kids moshing yesterday evening, I understand
it even less. It’s totally messed up! However, I do have to admit it was fascinating to watch. Dare I say
I even flirted with the idea of what it would be like to jump into that melee? After all, you only live once, right?
But it was one of those things where I knew it would be a mistake the very instant I stepped foot in that circle of people.
Needless to say I stayed out and on my guard.
However, as I good citizen, I would like to share with any potential moshers out there the lessons I learned simply by
observing the lunacy in front of me.
- If anything happens to you in a mosh pit, it’s your own fault simply for being there. I don’t care if you take an
inadvertent elbow to the teeth or a flagrant shoulder to your lower back. You know the dangers going in, good luck coming
out (at least all in one piece).
- The skinniest guy is going to get hit simply because he is the skinniest of the bunch. It’s like the wildebeest
with the bad leg. Everyone knows the croc is going to go after the easiest prey, and that’s exactly what the skinniest
guy is.
- The problems of the skinniest guy are compounded if he’s high. Even little women standing 5’2” and weighing no more
than 85 pounds will take a shot at the skinny guy if he’s baked.
- If there is a big dude who weighs 300+ and has a goatee, STAY THE F*CK AWAY FROM HIM. This guy owns the pit because
he knows no one can hit him hard enough to cause damage. He’s like one of those video game characters you just can’t
defeat. It’s best to avoid him at all costs.
- No matter how hott a girl may be, if she’s at a concert where a mosh pit breaks out, there is something about her that
should scare you. And yes, I was there with Lee. (Sorry, baby, but you know I’m right).
- It's perfectly acceptable to know EXACLTY where the guys in the yellow security shirts are at all times. Kinda’
like exit doors on a plane. You have no intention of using them, but you still like to know where they are.
- A lot of people still smoke weed. This is not so much a warning as it is an observation. Mosh pits should
be renamed to Toke N Poke.
I am sure Leelee and I will catch 30STM the next time they roll through town. Jared Leto (the lead singer who apparently is also an actor) was very engaging with the crowd. He was also surprisingly humble
and promised to sign every last CD that was purchased there that evening. So from that aspect, I have a newfound respect
for the band. As for the next concert, I will be sure to sneak in some Fritos snack bags.
Friday, March 3, 2006
Celebrity
One of the reasons I don’t have HBO is because with having to make a rent payment, a car payment, a motorcycle payment,
and, oh yeah, a little thing called child support, disposable income is really at a premium. I also have to get to sleep
at some point, and when I had HBO before, I used to average only 4 hours of sleep a night.
But if I were to get HBO again, it would be for the sole purpose of watching ‘Entourage’. It is really a cool show,
and the writing sounds like someone recorded a lunchtime conversation between me and my fellas. So I’m watching Entourage
tonight and trying to figure out which one of my boys maps to the characters on the show. There’s not an exact, one-to-one
correlation, but I will apologize upfront and take a stab at it anyways.
Eric is a blend of Scottie and Mikey. Think Scottie’s calm and self sense of suave mixed with Mikey’s cool wit
and ….. ahem … height. Larry is the most like Turtle. For some reason, I see a NY Knicks Jersey with a backward ball
cap and I think Puerto Rican. I am proud to say that none of my friends are like Johnny Drama. I don’t think
I could handle someone like that for more than 2 seconds. And without a doubt, Chuckles IS Ari. WHHHAAAAAATTTTT?
“So that makes you who?” Lee asked me in a not-so-subtle manner. Now, I’m not saying that I am the “star” of the
bunch, but your ARE reading my blog right now! Maybe I am being a bit delusional, but if I were filthy rich and famous,
I like to think I would hook up my boys the way Vince does his. I love the idea of living large and having my fellas
there every step of the way. “Hi, this is Scott. He’s my professional acquaintance.”
I do have to admit that I am feeling a bit like a celebrity tonight. Truth be told, I feel like a celebrity every
time I am with Lee. Must be all the attention she pays me. Must be how she tells me she believes in me.
Must be how I am taking her to Miami for the weekend in the morning and she’s as giddy as a school girl. I am trying
not to gush right now, but it really is hard to hold back when I am with her.
At times, it’s like we get lost in each others’ glance. There can be a million people in the room and it’s as if
we’re the only two people there. The connection we share is real and honest. Sometimes brutally honest, but that’s
what makes it so great. And for as much as she gushes over me and make me feel like Vince the movie star, she keeps
me honest and grounded in everything I do. She’s my biggest fan and my coach at the same time. She’s the equal
partner and majority owner. Her feelings for me are unreal, yet at the same time more real than anything I have ever
experienced.
So am I the Vince of the group? Well, maybe when I’m flashing my killer smile. But what I do know is that
when I am with Lee, she makes me feel invincible!
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