It’s no fun to be reminded you’re getting old.  With each day that passes by there is a little less ‘potential’ and a little more ‘has been’ in my life.  No, this is not a self-wallowing, pity party blog entry, just an observation.  An observation that was made more evident as Lee and I went to see "Clerks II" at the movies.

 

It’s been 12 years since Kevin Smith wrote, directed and, through the grace of God, distributed his first movie “Clerks”.   Lee and I decided to catch up on the first flick in preparation for the sequel.  Well, not only has the writing, acting and production value dramatically increased since 1994, so has the span of time.  I can’t believe it’s been THAT long since “Clerks” was released or, for that matter, since I’ve graduated from college!  What’s funny is that one of the obstacles facing the main characters in “Clerks II” is what to do with the rest of their lives now that they’re in their thirties.

 

Gulp!...........

 

Needless to say it’s a theme to which I used to seriously relate.  A year ago I would have written 700 words about how pathetic my life is and how I missed my window of opportunity.  Come to think of it, I think I did write about that! But not anymore.  Now I am able to see past the tears and the pain that once held me back.  Now I am able to get up from the tumbles knowing that God allowed me to fall in order to learn and grow from those experiences.  Now I realize with clarity that life is not a “one and done” path.  Instead, it’s a series of forks in the roads with large challenges and equally large rewards.  It’s a continuously swinging pendulum of educated guesses and blind fucking luck. 

 

So what if I’m not where I “thought” I would be at 33?  The cliché is true.  Life is what happens in between making plans.  There is no textbook model for cradle to grave living.  It’s not always about One then Two then Three.  And if anyone knows, it’s me.  I used to be that guy.  Mr. Binary.  On or Off.  Zero or One.  Black or White.  Then God blessed me with a WHOLE lotta’ gray in my life, and I am a better person for it.

 

I used to think that I had to do something because it’s what was expected of me or because it was the logical, next thing to do.  Now I’m a little …. ahem, older …. and hopefully a little wiser, too.  Granted, I still need to be responsible and plan for not only my future well being, but also for the well being of my kids and Lee.  Nevertheless, I am now less about One then Two then Three and more about “surprise me.”

 

No one has the ability to control the world and circumstances that impact our lives, but we all posses the ability to choose how we react and respond to these forces.  There is no ‘one size fits all’ solution that works for everyone.  I do, however, believe that personal happiness is realized by first placing your faith in God and then by placing your faith in yourself.  If you can wake up in the morning and focus on the road in front of you, instead of your current point in life or your past, then you’re already ahead of the game.  And just like in the ‘Clerks’ movies, life is made better if you share with your best friend all those ups and downs you are bound to encounter. 

The hardest part of working out is getting started.  Usually, it’s finding the energy and resolve to get your butt to the gym and stick to a routine.  Sometimes it’s the self-induced pressure of finding just the right workout clothes to look good while sweating.  Today, it was getting past the visual distractions.  I have concluded the four letters at the YMCA need to be changed to M-I-L-F.  I mean, really!!  How is a guy supposed to get a workout in with so much lycra walking around?

 

But in all seriousness, the effort in working out is not the 30 minutes on the Precor or a couple of miles on the treadmill.  The biggest challenge is telling yourself to do it in the first place.  And it’s not an easy thing to do.  We hide behind excuses like time and to-do lists.  We tell ourselves that we deserve a break after a long day at work.  We find comfort in a sofa, a remote control and a box of double-stuff Oreos. 

 

There are a million reasons we don’t work out, but there is only one reason we should.  That reason is ourselves.  Sure there are benefits to working out.  Health, looking and feeling good. Losing weight.  Those are all bonuses.  But the number one reason we should all pickup some sort of exercise regiment and stick to it is ourselves.  Our sense of worth and well being.  We should do it not because other people ask us or expect us to, but rather because it’s the right thing to do for ourselves as individuals.

 

And there are different strokes for different folks.  I am not saying every one has to run out and sign up at Lifestyles or Gold’s gym.  Walk your dog for 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes at night.  Do sit-ups while you watch TV.  The key is to do something.  The key is to change your state of mind and make a difference in your life for yourself. 

 

As I hit the 17 minute mark on the Precor – and subsequently cried on the inside because I knew I had another 13 minutes to go – I got to thinking about a conversation I had today with my friend Sue.  We talked about how we both overcame personal and emotional adversity to get to the place in life where we both are now, and how the pains of yesterday keep fading further and further into the past.  We laughed at how our respective outlooks where both the same, and neither one of us thought we’d see proverbial sunshine again. 

 

I am happy to say that we have both triumphed over the weights that once held us down, and there are several things in common at which we both point that allowed us to get to where we are today.  The first is faith.  With God, anything is possible.  The next is our friends.  In addition to ourselves, Sue and I share several friends in common, and individually we have those people in our lives to whom we turn when we’re feeling weak and vulnerable.  Further proof that no one in this world can truly live ‘alone’. 

 

Finally, we both agreed that making a mental decision to let go of the pain and the past and accept the circumstances of our respective situations was the trifecta to being truly free.  It’s no different than making that decision to get up and work out.  It’s all about choice.  It’s all about what you allow yourself to think in your head.  And I know that if I can overcome what I thought was the worst moment in my life, working out is going to be a walk in the park!