At 33 years of age, I know I know better.  Tomorrow is a busy day.  Mass in the morning, Dolphins game at 1:00, snoozey-poozey during halftime, Youth Group at 6:00.  Nevertheless, it 2:30 in the morning and I am typing away.  And now I have a Matchbox 20 song stuck in my head. “..I must be lonely”

What is it about pensiveness that brings on insomnia?  The hamster in my head is about to have a heart attack because that wheel is just fly’n round and round and round.  The sad thing is, I don’t even know what I’m thinking about. 

Is it my kids?  No.  I saw them this morning and I will see them again in ….. shit …… seven and a half hours.  Is it my job?  Not really.  Although things are picking up at work, it’s still the same ‘ol, same ‘ol.  Is it this poker run I am organizing?  Maybe.  But although I want it to be a success, it’s not a matter of life or death.  My biggest concern right now is whether or not I will get around to changing the oil in my bike before the event.

I have always maintained that God has blessed me over and over, and I have nothing about which to complain.  I have two wonderful, beautiful, and healthy children.  I have a career that allows me to pay the bills and then some.  I have friends and family that provide a support structure that cannot be described with words.  And I have a woman who loves me for all that I am and for everything that I do.

Yet here I am. Click, click, click go the keys. Tick, tick, tick goes the clock.  Turn, turn, turn goes the wheel in my head ………. and I still don’t have a frigg’n idea as to why.

But maybe I do have an idea.  Maybe it’s something I don’t want to admit or think about, yet I know it’s there.  Maybe I am allowing myself to mill and ponder, to examine more closely and over-analyze.  Maybe this is one of those mental burdens that will go away only when challenged and not because it’s ignored.  Maybe I should stop right here before I put my proverbial foot in my mouth.

But 'Maybe' is the easy answer.  It’s a cop-out.  It’s defying gravity as you teeter on a fence. I’ve written before about the virtues of no regrets and the perils of “what if’s”.  I’ve let my blog be a sermon about living life to the fullest.  These pages have been my bully pulpit against those caught in a sense of reluctance, wonder and self-doubt.  I’ve raged against those who cower in fear and allow fear to run their lives and ruin the lives of others.  Maybe, just maybe, I’ve become my own audience.

I know tomorrow is another day.  New experiences, new lessons learned, new moments of epiphany.  Tomorrow means not only new thoughts but a new hamster altogether.  But for now, all I can do is think.

There are three things in life which I take seriously.  My faith in God, the love of my family and friends, and Miami Dolphins football.   Tonight, I thank God for those special people I love, and blaspheme for the professional athletes I sometimes love to hate.

Tonight was the opening game of the 2006 NFL season.  My beloved Fins were taking on the Pittsburgh Steelers in Pittsburgh.  With the additions of Daunte Culpepper and Joey Harrington, two significant upgrades at the quarterback position, expectations coming into this season are high.  There was a lot of talk about how Culpepper was the best arm to slide through a Dolphins jersey since Dan Marino.  Sports Illustrated even has the Dolphins playing a home game in SuperBowl XLI. 

So you can understand the smiles on my face as the Dolphins were nursing a three point lead with 7 minutes left in the fourth quarter.  Could this be happening?  Could the Dolphins really be managing and manufacturing a win against the defending SuperBowl champions?  And just as I settled into a cautiously optimistic comfort zone, Daunte unleashed what can only be described as an inferno of a performance. 

I preface my next statement by pointing out there is no bigger Marino fan than me.  That being said, Culpepper did show shades of Dapper Dan but for all the wrong reasons.  Two consecutive interceptions, one of them returned for a touchdown.  A primetime game against a tough conference opponent and Culpepper throws a touchdown pass to the opposing player.  I remember many Monday Night games where Dan Marino left me screaming obscenities to my TV, and I love my TV.

Yes I know it’s only one game.  Yes I know it’s early in the season.  Yes I know Miami was not expected to win this game, even with Big Ben Rothlisberger sidelined for the Steelers.  Nevertheless, it’s still agonizing.  The loss still leaves me reeling and too pissed off to try and get some sleep.  The performance has me anticipating all the deservedly negative comments in the Miami Herald tomorrow morning.  The game has me anxiously waiting for the Dolphins’ home opener versus the hated Bills to see if the Fins will bounce back from this crappy 4th quarter showing. 

Yet whatever this season has in store for us fans, be it a pathetic 6-10 showing or a home win on February 4th, I will live and die with every week.  From now until the last game the Dolphins play, I will wake up every morning thanking God. I will love my kids, my friends and my Leelee – although she may not love me so much on Sundays – and I will love my Dolphins.  It’s a trifecta of passions and I wouldn’t have it any other way.