The first 20:

 

  1. Cole is 100 feet tall.
  2. Sal Fasano is afraid of Cole Hamels.
  3. Hamels is a sure thing. Only some sort of freak injury or something could keep him from saving the franchise. And we know that will never happen.
  4. Cole K's men by the hundreds. And if HE were in the MAJORS (read: when he's in the majors), he'd consume the METS with fireballs from his eyes,and bolts of lightning from his arse. (editor's note: 8/14/2006 v NYM: 8 IP, 0 R, 9 K)
  5. Cole Hamels outpitched Steve Carlton before he was even born.
  6. Pedro Martinez keeps a picture of Cole Hamels under his hat for inspiration.
  7. If Cole Hamels wanted to he could steal your girl and, because he's so great, you'd want to watch him take care of business with her. He wouldn't do such things though, because he's Cole Hamels.
  8. Jack Bauer calls Cole Hamels for advice.
  9. Cole Hamels is the only person Barbara Bush fears.
  10. Fear itself is afraid of Cole Hamels.
  11. For Halloween, Chuck Norris went as Cole Hamels.
  12. When kids go to bed they wear Superman pajamas; when Superman goes to bed he wears a Cole Hamels jersey.
  13. The chief export of Cole Hamels is K's.
  14. When Cole Hamels passes "Go", he collects $400.
  15. Cole Hamels punches people so hard he breaks his own hand.
  16. Cole is so handsome that he dates a Playboy cover girl.
  17. Cole's poop is used as currency in Clearwater.
  18. Not only does Cole watch movies with Gladiators, he stars in them.
  19. One time Cole Hamels spent 40 days in the desert. To survive, he ate whole camels.
  20. Cole Hamels' picture is on every crisp 100 dollar bill.

 

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