Bill Dann's "Novelty Nirvana"

Halloween, Christmas, Novelty Records,

answer/parody songs as well as many obscure novelty tunes.

...."The Lighter Side Of Christmas"....

Updated Weekly.

Issue No. 3 November 3, 2008

Hi folks, my name is Bill Dann, and I’m hooked on Christmas novelties!

The Lighter Side of Christmas

Slippin’ Into Christmas Fun!

Well, friends, as hard as it may be to conceive, we are now on the brink of another Holiday Season. Though some of the Halloween candy has yet to be devoured (and the Snickers bars and Reese’s cups are long gone) it is now time to send the pumpkins to pasture and the costumes to mothballs for another year and turn our thoughts to that most magical time of the year.

With Christmas and all it’s pageantry comes Christmas music of all types. While it is hard to imagine the Season without hearing the standards such as Nat King Cole’s “The Christmas Song”, Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas” and Brenda Lee’s “Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree”, the focus for this site will be on the “lighter” side of Christmas. As you are probably aware by now, I have always been partial to novelties, although like many, still hold a special place for the more “traditional” Seasonal fare.

Having been frustrated with the fact that there have been a limited number of “original” Christmas novelties released to match the success of that cornball classic “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” by Elmo & Patsy, last year I decided to take matters into my own hands. Here is how I attempted to remedy the situation by composing a Christmas novelty tune of my own…

SANTA’S HALF-BAKED ELVES

Oh, No!…Why, those “half-baked” Elves have REALLY done it this time! ..This is turning into an uncommonly desperate situation for everyone!!! What in the name of Elfin Magic is going on here??!!!

“…Friends, the news from the workshop isn’t good- This year, the North Pole isn’t running as it should.. Rumors had it that the Elves were jumping ship…. And that the tools of their trade were now chocolate chips!

So, I went up to take a closer lookie- And to see why they’ve stopped making toys for cookies- I’ve learned there are Elves that you just can’t trust- And that some Elves have vices of pure cookie dust!

Now the Elf Workers Union has come under scrutiny- Since two delinquent Elves had started a mutiny- Yes, “Pecan Sandie” and some Macadamia Nut- Are believed to have started this whole scuttlebutt!

Seems they were no longer happy with just making toys- But had secret desires to yell” Chips A-Hoy”! In the past, these dedicated Elves just wouldn’t budge- But have fallen under the spell of one E.L.Fudge!

Sadly, other Elves have now followed their lead- And it’s growing out of control like some bad kind of weed! Will the attraction of cookies ever loosen it’s hold? Why, surely, there’s more here that has to be told!

For year’s, Santa’s given them cookies as snackers- As well as spray cheese to put on top of Club Crackers! To no one’s surprise-something many predicted- His hard-working Elves were becoming slowly addicted!

While some craved sugar, others had to have salt! But it’s so hard to fathom that it’s ALL Santa’s fault! Some Elves just wouldn’t stop, and because of their greed- Their “short-bred” bodies now have more need to feed!

They felt this was their easiest means of a fix- A way to get closer to Graham cracker stix!

What the heck were they thinkin’ when they abandoned their post- And all the boys and girls who needed them most!!

Was their judgment too clouded from all that confection- That they’d just walk away in spite of Santa’s objection? Now, one thing we know-these Elves sure can be fickle- And the toy-making bit is in a dilly of a pickle!!

To say the least, the situation is dire- And the Jolly Fat Man may be forced to retire! Yes, There’ll be fewer toys upon the workshop shelves- Unless he recruits some replacement Elves!

That may not be easy, cause the work is so demanding- Though the job is secure and the boss is outstanding! It’s hard to find workers committed to the call- Who look dapper in green, and stand 3 feet tall!

Still, the show must go on, and since some Elves remain- The incoming bunch would be properly trained- But Santa looks dimly on his Elves who have stumbled- And many now know that their cookie has crumbled!

They’re finding out now that their new daily grind- Isn’t everything that they had in mind! It’s still hard work which they must indulge- Not to mention the battle of the bulge!

Their waistlines are expanding, and some Elves admit- Their suits are so tight that they no longer fit! Still, some Elves who once carried a "Cookie Affliction"- Are so sick of the treats, it has cured their addiction!

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I have amassed a sizeable library of Christmas novelties over the years, many of which were remastered in excellent quality from clean 45’s by the late Marc Bird. Brian Korn, a fellow collector who also shares my passion for Christmas novelties was also a major player here.

Over the course of the next 7 weeks, I plan to share titles of some of my favorite tracks of “The Lighter Side Of Christmas”. For now though, I would offer that I have been able to categorize the types of Christmas novelties into 10 main headings. They are:

1) Story Songs

2) Specific Requests For Santa

3) Answer/Parody Songs

4) Outer Space Novelties

5) Animal-Themed

6) Monsters

7) Chipmunk Sound-Alikes

8) Christmas Woes (A Hum-Bug Christmas)

9) Feel-Good Songs

10) Christmas Comedy

Though I could probably expand on these further, These are among my more common categories. Starting next week I will be listing examples from each category and discuss many great Christmas novelties, which may not be familiar to you.

My goal is to introduce you to the vast number of lighter sides, which have been long-forgotten, but deserve to be heard again. I also wish to take this liberty to thank Jim Hurray for working up a beautiful site for me from which to showcase these gems. Jim possesses a keen eye to detail, and has taken my suggestions and ran with them to create this forum. Thanks, Jim for making this site possible and for your ongoing support of my efforts.

Without you, this would not be possible. Stay tunes for some interesting tidbits. Yule be amazed at what you will soon discover!

Here is the site to view "Aunt Clara's Christmas Casserole"............

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=foC2JV46qOA

Another of my Christmas compositions also appears on youtube and is of a much more serious and "local" nature. The poem is called "Susquehanna Silent Night" and relates to the river in my native Central Pennsylvania. It was narrated by Lew Peters. To view it, click on

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVm_6t4oCrA

. Your feedback is always welcome. Best, Bill

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Track Listing For “THE LIGHTER SIDE OF CHRISTMAS”

*Santa’s Laughing Song-Santa Claus

*I Want Eddie Fisher For Christmas-Joan Javitz

*Twas The Night Before Christmas-Harry Kari

*Be Kind To The Street Corner Santa Claus-Yogi Yorgesson

*I Fell Out Of A Christmas Tree-Little Rita Faye

*Elfie The Elf-Woody Woodell/Bailey Sisters

*All I Want For Christmas Is My Upper Plate-Homer & Jethro

*Santy Baby-Homer & Jethro

*Story Of Santa Claus-Santa Claus

*Santa And The Doodle-Li-Boop-Art Carney

*77 Santas-Gayla Peevy

*I’m Gonna Hang Up Mommy’s Stocking-Bobby sabatino

*The Hat I Got For Christmas Is Too Beeg-Mel Blanc

*Have A Merry Merry Merry Merry Christmas-Ruby Wright

*Who Put The Gum In Santa’s Whiskers-Little Susie

*Twas The Night Before Christmas-Frank & Jack

*Merry Old Philosopher-Eddie Lawrence

*Santa And The Satellite-Buchanan & Goodman

*Harvey The Hippo-Long John Silver

*Santa And The Purple People Eater-Sheb Wooley

*No Cheese On The Christmas Tree-Miss l.l. & The 3 Mice

*Wedding Ring For Christmas-Miss L.L. & The 3 Mice

*Dear Santa Claus-Buddy Hackett

*Outer Space Santa-Lawrence Welk’s Little Band

*Jolly Fat Man-Tony Sacco

*All I Want For Christmas Is A Steady Eddie-Barbara Mann

*The Happy Reindeer-Dancer, Prancer, & Nervous

*Yulesville-Edd “Kookie” Byrnes

*Jingle Bell Imitations-Chubby Checker & Bobby Rydell

*Teenage Hall Of Fame-Aztecs

*Candy Cane, Sugary Plum-Danny & The Juniors

*Department Store Santa Claus (Before Christmas)-Howard Morris

*Department Store Santa Claus (After Christmas)- Howard Morris

*Santa & The Touchables-Dickie Goodman

*My Christmas Message To The World-Larry Foster

*Santa Santa-Rocky Fellers

*Snowman, Snowman Sweet Potato Nose-Jaynetts

*L’il Elfy-Ray Bolger

*Granny’s Holiday Fruitcake-Granny

*Jingle Bells-Usual Lee Wong with Granny & Jerry Thomas

*Surfin’ Santa-Surfin Ramblers

*Happy Ghoul Tide-Ray Oddis

*Monster Holiday-Lon Chaney

*A Merry Monster Christmas-Len Maxwell

*Ringo Bells-Three Blonde Mice

*Bring Me A Beatle For Christmas-Cindy Rella

*I’d Like To Have An Elephant For Christmas-Hank Thompson

*I Want A Baby Brother For Christmas-Carolyn Binkley

*Get Off My Roof-Jerry & The Landsliders

*Wildest Christmas-Boys Next Door

*Barefoot Santa Claus-Sonny James

*Randolph The Rouge Nosed Reindeer-Justin Wilson

*Must Be Santa-Lorne Greene

*The Chipmunk Song-Canned Heat & The Chipmunks

*Whitey The Snow White Lamb-Justin Wilson

*Ding-A-Ling The Christmas Bell-Lynn Anderson

*5 Pound Box Of Money-Pearl Bailey

*Donde Esta Santa Claus-Augie Rios

*The Night After Christmas-Homer & Jethro

*Pancho’s Christmas-Mel Blanc

*The Panic-Ron Cameron Nasey

*My Mom & Santa Claus-George Jones/Jones Boys

*Christmas Shopping-Buck Owens

*The Marvelous Toy-Chad Mitchell Trio

*Holiday Hootenanny-Paul & Paula

*The Bell That Couldn’t Jingle-Bobby Vinton

*Hooray For Santa Claus-Al Hirt

*The Christmas Puppy-Dudley Dogg, Jr.

*Santa Mouse-Bob Morrison

*Santa’s Little Helpers-The Pipsqueeks

*Christmas Goose (Snowbird)-Stan & Doug

*Country Christmas Party-The Country Squirrels

*I Love Christmas-The Merry Elves

* Dasher-Harvie June Van

*C.B. Santa-Homemade Theater

*Alfie The Christmas Tree-The Froggs

*Jingle Bells-Froggy’s Christmas

**Silent Night-Jingle Cats

*Cats ‘N Dogs ‘N Christmas-Shad O’Shea

*Blue Christmas-Seymour Swine

*Jingle Bells (Laughing All The Way)-St. Nick

*Blink Before Christmas-Phil Moore Four

*Chinchy Old Scrooge-Phil Moore Four

*I Farted On Santa’s Lap-The Little Stinkers

*Twas The Night Before Christmas-Art Carney

*Something Barked On Christmas Morning-Ricky Zahand

*The Littlest Snowman-Captain Kangaroo

*Zoomah, The Santa Claus From Mars-Barry Gordon

*He’ll Be Comin’ Down The Chimney-Rosemary Clooney & Her Sister Gail

*Snowbound Tweety-Mel Blanc

*Bah Humbug-Bob Corley

*March Of The Christmas Toys-Jose Ferrer

*Mr. Santa (Mr. Sandman)-Dorothy Collins

*Hard Rock, Coco & Joe-Les Tucker Singers

*Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer-Les Paul & Mary Ford

*I Was A Teenage Reindeer-Jim Backus & Daws Butler

*Santa Claus Junior-Johnny Brandon

*I Want A Goat For Christmas-Wilder Brothers

*Santa Caught A Cold For Christmas-Dick & Richard

*Santa Claus Won’t Come This Year-Charlie Stewart

*Mixed Up Santa-Pat Coleman

*Santa Claus Rock-Harold Lowery

*Surfin’ Santa Claus-Ty Whitney

*A Surfer’s Christmas List-Surfaris

*Jingle Bells-Vel Mars

*Jake The Flake-Bobby Starr

*I Should Have Left The Light On For Santa-George Rock Sextet

*Beatnik’s Wish-Patsy Raye & The Beatniks

*Story Of Santa’s Kewtee Bear-Alan Reed (Fred Flintstone)

*Aunt Clara’s Christmas Casserole-Clara’s Kinfolk

*Santa’s Rudolph-David Timmons

A Date With Santa-Denise Regan

A Disc Jockey's Christmas Eve-Herb Dodson

Pancho Claus-Lalo Guerrero

Tommy Dumbrowski’s Never Ending.-Shad & Mike

Tweety's Twistmas Troubles-Mel Blanc

12 Days With Khrushchev-Addis & Crofut

Baby Sittin' Santa-Barry Richards

Christmas Questions-Joe Ward

It's A Wonderful Day-Chipmunks

Merry Christmas You Suckers-Paddy Roberts

Blast Off Santa-Robby Scott

Christmas Cowboy-Red Rowe And Sandy

Crackerjack Christmas-Don Ralke

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus-Graham Donald

A Stretch Sock For Santa-Wee Bonnie Baker

Baby Sister's Christmas-Larry Phillipson

Christmas Seal Song-Johnny White

Crickett's Christmas-Ryan Parrish

A Trucker's Christmas-Lee Arnold

Christmas Equalization Act-Gary Seger

Daddy, Who Is Santa Claus?-Jim Wilson

Dear Santa Bring Me A Dallas Cheerleader-Joe Ritchie

Valkin In My Vinter Underwear-Jimmy Jensen

Boogie Woogie Santa Claus-Patti Page

Christopher The Christmas Seal-Liz Anderson

Comin' Down The Chimney-Little Joey

Dancing With Santa-Trashmen

Deck The Cage-Tweety & Sweety

The Man With The Whiskers-Hoosier Hot Shots

Buzzy The Christmas Bee-Duke Mitchell Family

Can You Fix The Way I Talk For Christmas-Joe Pesci

Deck The Halls-Red Hot Chili Peppers

Drifting, Vistling Snow-Stan & Doug

Fright Before Christmas-Brice Armstrong

Christmas At The Opry-George Owens

Don't Forget Ole Santa-Bill Thompson

Elmer The Elf-Mitt And The Merrymakers

Frosty The Snowman-Roy Rogers

Jingle Bell Twist USA-Johnny Mendell

Weach For The Wafters Santa-Kenny Bowers

Boofo Goes Where Santa Goes-Linn Sheldon

Erin, The Excellent Elf-Hugh Raney

Got A Cold In The Node For Christmas-Gayla Peevy

Counting The Days-Sesame Street Doo-Wahs

ET's Helping Santa-Marty Merchant

Gwiazdor-Mad Man Michaels

Jingle Bells-St. Nick

Jolly Old Fellow-Little Texarena

Cool Yule-Tony Rodelle Larson

Flakey The Astronaut-Nashville Nine

Jingle Bells-Orion Samuelson

My Little Dog Has Gone To The Moon-Little Jeannie

Dear Mr. Santa Claus-Little Lee

Grandma Got Run Down By A Reindeer-Patsy

I've Got A Date With Santa-Paul Tripp

Christmas In Malibu-Radudes

Hardrock, Coco, And Joe-Gene Autry

Have Reindeer, Will Travel-Johnny Mathis

Nuttin' For Christmas-Joe Ward

Ol' Fatso-Four Aces

Can I Wait Up For Santa-Ricky Vera

Hey Santa-Carney And Wendy Wilson

How Can Santa Come To Puerto Rico-Ricky Vera

Oh Virginia, Yes, There Is A Santa Claus-Sammy Marshall

Too Fat To Be Santa-Bill Darnell

Dig That Crazy Santa Claus-Oscar McLollie

Hole In The Stocking-Denise Regan

I Should Have Left The Light On For Santa-Mona Aboud

I'm Dressing Up Like Santa-Bob Rivers

Jingle Bells-Rita Moss

Picture Of Mommy Twisting With Santa Claus-Little Cori

Chimney Top Twist-Robin Sisters

Dig That Crazy Santa Claus-Ralph Marterie

Grandma's House-Squirrels

I've Had A Merry Christmas-Jerry Lewis

The Office Party-Jim Backus

Please Mr. Barber-Leed Twins

I Just Can't Wait Til Christmas-Lu Ann Simms

It's Another Joyful Elvis Christmas-Serious Brothers

Jingle Bells-US Arm Band

Ol' Fatso-Augie Rios

Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer-Guy Lombardo

Ho Ho Ho-Peggy Little

I Like To Give Girls Presents-Santa

Jesus Knows A Whiner When He Sees One-Santa

Old Tex Kringle-Teddy Phillips

Sally Claus-Johnny Maddox

I Can't Have A Merry Christmas-Jerry Lee Lewis

Jingle Bones-Santa Schwartz

Oooh! What Santa Said-Ray Merrill

Santa Claus Is A Texas Cowboy-Bob Loftis

Santa's DWI-Stop N' Goe Joe

Animals Christmas Song-Santa's Helpers

Christmas Go-Go Girl-Bend Hinds

I Told Santa Claus I Want You-Surf Boys

I Wanna Do More Than Whistle-Lancers

Santa's In A Jam-Ralph Loveday

I Wanna Goat For Christmas-Wilder Brothers

I'm Gonna Lasso Santa Claus-Brenda Lee

Santa's Jet-Frank Lyndon

Christmas Turkey-Shad & Mike

It's Santa Claus Time-Little Lee

Please Don't Take Our Christmas Tree-Nutty Squirrels

Some Things For Christmas-Shari Lewis/Lambchop

Blue Christmas-Seymour Swine

Jingle Bells-Fred Bouvier/Charlie

Pretty Little Dolly-Mona Aboud

That Holiday Spirit-Eddie Lawrence

I Yust Go Nuts At Christmas-Orion Samuelson

Jingle, Jangle, And Joe-Ken Martinson

Rock And Roll Christmas-Donald Willis

A Squirrely Christmas-Squirrely

The Wildest Christmas-Rumbles LTD

Jingle Bells-Stop N' Goe Joe

Rockin' Reindeer-Roger Kirby

To Heck With Old Santa Claus-Loretta Lynn

Merry Christmas From Loudmouse-Loudmouse

A Howdy Doody Christmas-Howdy Doody & The Fontane Sisters

Smitty's Toy Piano-Skunks

Toys For Tots-Peggy Lee

It's A Hillbilly Christmas-Robert White

Mr. Santa-Shari Lewis

Stick 'Em Up Santa-Bobby Salvatore

Twas The Night Before Christmas-Freddy Martin

Christmas Is Revolting-Tuna Observatory

Jiminy Christmas-Woodyettes And Mel Blanc

Mrs. Santa Claus-Bet E. Martin

Twinkletoes The Dancing Reindeer-Donna Lee

Jingle Bell Mambo-Billy May

Jolly Old Man In The Bright Red Suit-Vaughn Monroe

We'll Have A Blue Christmas, Elvis-Jim Matthews

All I Want For Christmas Is You-Vince Vance

When Santa Invented Toys-Teddy Phillips

Jingle Bones-Witches Three

When Santa Comes Over The Brooklyn Bridge-Jimmy Allen

Zat You Santa Claus?-Louis Armstrong

Zoot! Zoot! Zoot! Here Comes Santa In His Space Suit-Tiny Tim

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