Tips, Ideas and Thoughts

For us, it isn't so much about keeping busy; it is more about feeling "in control" of a situation in which we have little control.  We can't control when the CCAA only refers two days of LIDs (April 2007 referrals: LID Oct. 25-26, 2005).  We CAN control how we use the time we are blessed or tortured with (depending on our outlook on a particular day).  We pray these ideas and suggestions help you along your own Red Thread journey.

At Any Time ...

Start to journal your experiences NOW.  I hardly journaled at all during our process to adopt our eldest daughter.  I deeply regret that now, but it never felt natural to me because I am not typically a sentimental person.  However, I feel so blessed that God allowed me to know exactly what we were doing the day our eldest was born in China because she was born the day prior to our vacation in England.  I also know our schedule on Abby Mei's finding date because we toured Edinburgh Castle in Scotland the morning of her finding.  I now NEED to know what I did on the day of our second daughter's birth and finding: so I plan to journal daily, if only three or four lines every day to trigger the memory.  What a special blessing that will be for her and us!   And don't  wait to journal until your carefully estimated window of time, counting backwards from the expected age of your child and the expected referral date ... wait times may lessen or increase: during our first adoption, we were told an eight to nine month wait time, but received a referral after six months.  This meant that our daughter was born in early March, not during the summer months, as we originally expected.

Strive to learn as much Mandarin Chinese as possible.  The reasons are many.  First, it is only polite to learn a few essential phrases before traveling to a foreign country.  Second, babies learn to understand language before they speak.  Learning key phrases in Mandarin, especially those related to food, drink and toys, will only assist you in communicating with and bonding with your new child.  (Don't grow angry with us if your daughter is referred from a Cantonese-speaking province!  And definitely don't grow angry with us if the sounds of Mandarin upset your newly adopted child ... sometimes it does, so be prepared for positive or negative reactions.)  We love the page that teaches common "comforting phrases" at Chinese Words and Phrases: Parenting.  The site Chinese Pod is also an excellent resource, especially for hearing the tones and practicing with others.  For a dictionary reference, check out Instant Speak Chinese.  Learning Chinese children's songs can also help with the bonding process.  They may have heard the songs before and associate them with feeling secure and comfortable.  Our list of personal favorites, while they aren't an expert opinion, are listed on our Amazon Listmania! list Mandarin for Children.  You can also find most of these, and many more, on China Sprout.

I also highly recommend learning some baby sign language.  There are many books available for this purpose.  If you are adopting a toddler, this will especially help everyone in the family.  Toddlers who can't communicate their needs and desires feel extremely frustrated, which leads to what we in the U.S. love to call the "terrible twos."  Focus on words highly important to your child.  Our eldest learned about 20 signs that she used constantly.  Learning sign language actually promotes and encourages verbalization, so don't fear that this will keep your child from talking.  It might even speed things up!  Personally, my top 10 words to learn to cut down on toddler frustration levels include: eat, play, milk, juice, all done, more, help, book, different and cracker.  Two helpful sites containing video instructions on individual signs include the American Sign Language Browser and the American Sign Language Pro site.

Check out our page on "Creative Ways to Incorporate Chinese Baby Customs into Your Child's Story".  None are essential, but I wish I knew about them before our first adoption trip.

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While Researching ...

Understanding that international adoption wait times constantly fluctuate, most people strongly recommend that you  investigate the current wait times as well as the projected wait times for someone paperchasing right now.  Many sites dedicate themselves to this information, including Ralph Stirling's China Adoption Referral and Statistics Graph, Bright Outlooks and the China Adoption Forecast.  The first site records accurate, previous (or current) wait times from LID to referral.  The second and third sites mathematically predict your wait based on current trends and your exact LID.  Another great site to check out is the Rumor Queen blog and Rumor Queen forum which gathers information and rumors from various agencies, compiles the information and presents it on a public forum.  The information you gather may reassure you that China is the right choice for your family ... or it may cause you to look at alternatives.

Research different adoption agencies by joining one or both Yahoo! groups dedicated to this topic.  Both Adoption Agency Research and Rate Your China Adoption Agency are geared for these discussions.

To learn more about the medical complications or slight birth defects listed within the special needs program, contact Love Without Boundaries to purchase their manual of special needs (the cost is just $10).  After children with cleft lip and/or cleft palates, the children available for adoption through the SNs program  generally have: hernias (especially inguinal hernias) or congenital heart defects (these children are generally abandoned at a later age, after the parents discover the condition, usually around 6 months of age).  There are also children diagnosed with spina bifida, clubbed feet (although this is not too common), anal atresia, deafness, blindness, various tumors, albinism, ear tags and extra digits (as in fingers or toes).  Many families originally planning to adopt through the non-special needs program find their hearts opening to children with special needs.

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If you live far from your adoption agency, set up a Federal Express account (or your preferred carrier).  Also, find out the location of the nearest drop-box as well as the time of its last daily pick-up.  To reduce stress levels, keep a supply of these envelopes handy so that you aren't scrambling to find them on a crucial day.

Bookmark Tonya's China Adoption Links website on your browser.  This site is chock full of useful links, especially those related to the paperchase, such as the locations of local Application Support Centers (for fingerprinting), passport application locations, local courier services, etc.

Join the yahoo! group Paperchase 2000.

Check your notary dates.  It's best if they don't expire until well after your expected referral date, but they absolutely must not expire until after your log-in date.

If you must authenticate documents from out of state, do not wait for the arrival of your I-171H.  Authenticating documents through the mail system takes time ... at least two weeks if not closer to six.  Sometimes mistakes happen or requests get lost.  We dealt with four states other than the one in which we currently live.  Only one of the four states came through accurately on the first try: go Virginia!  Typical out-of-state documents include birth certificates and marriage registrations.

Carefully review state certifications to ensure accuracy (names and dates, etc).

Do not ever stress out about your homestudy.  Your social worker is not going to push aside your furniture looking for dust bunnies.  (Not even the county health inspector will do this, if your state even requires a visit from the Health and Sanitation Department.)  Should you feel the need to stress over this topic, and are unable to let it go, I suggest doing one of two things: either sit down and watch marathon sessions of "Nanny 911" on Fox or "Operation: Clean Sweep" on TLC (you'll feel better about your own capabilities) ... or just hire a cleaning company to come in for one visit (that will take care of any imagined issues)!

There are several on-line services that help families through the paperwork phase.  Check out the Assistant Stork and Vital Check, just to name a few.  Other helpful websites during the paperwork phase include the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services site and State and Local Government on the Net.

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First and foremost, enjoy this time with the current members of your family!  If you are waiting for your first child, focus on your spouse and doing special "couples" things together (for example: go to the movies because it won't happen nearly as much after baby ... or even, take walks around your neighborhood after dinner because bedtime schedules can make this more difficult post-children).  If you have children in the home, focus on doing things with these older children that would be more difficult with a young one (for example: go to local children's museums or aquariums).

Try "walking/running to China."  Every day, week or month, record the number of miles you walked or ran.  Keep a chart (or a map with a red thread) and see how close you can get to Beijing.  It is 6,919 miles from Baltimore, Maryland, U.S.A. to Beijing, China.  If you'd like to find out how far it is from your closest major city to the three major cities of China (Beijing, Shanghai and Hong Kong), click here.  Remember, you don't have to do this as an individual ... you can always encourage other family members to join you!

Organize all of the helpful tips you find into one three-ring binder.  When your referral comes, you will completely forget all of your previous research unless you have it compiled in one location.  I'm anal-retentive, so I also suggest separating the tips topically using tabbed dividers.  Some suggestions for tab names include: Travel to China ... Attachment Issues ... Packing Lists ... China: History, Holidays & Culture ... Lifebook/ Questions to Ask Caregivers ... Shopping Suggestions ... Health/ Medical/ Nutrition Issues ... etc.

Make an effort to meet other parents in your area who've adopted from China or are waiting like you.  You will find this activity very fun, as you watch the older girls and wonder....  Also, the parents who've gone before you can give you first-hand accounts of their experiences.  They will also be available to answer questions that arise.  Most importantly, they will be an essential resource when you return home.  It is extremely important that your child sees other families that look like yours -- it is definitely easier in some areas of the country, but possible in all.  An excellent starting point is to join your local chapter of Families With Children from China (FCC).  Also check with your adoption agency to see what resources they offer.

Find some activity or hobby that you enjoy, that keeps you busy AND that requires a commitment.  For example, join a local intramural sports team ... start singing with the choir or praise team at church ... become a mentor or Girl Scout leader ... "adopt" a senior citizen at a local nursing home ... become a coach or assistant coach for a community or school team ... if you already have young children in the home, volunteer with your local MOPS group ... there are so many ways to fill your time that will benefit others as well.

Do something special each month on the day anniversary of your log-in date.  Some families will choose to eat out at a local Chinese restaurant on their monthly LID day or to order Chinese take-out.  The activity doesn't always have to cost money, however.  A little thing that I do is wear my special "panda socks" on the 13th of every month.  My sister bought them for me ... and they're cute ... and usually no one else notices them, so they are a secret reminder for me.  It helps me feel one month closer to Bekah Bei.

Participate on-line with China-adoption Yahoo! groups or forums.  Each on-line group has a purpose and distinct personality.  First, you should definitely find your specific Yahoo! DTC/ LID group ... usually an energetic person within the group will create one and advertise it through China Connection's on-line list.  Adoptive-parents-China (A-P-C) is great for researching general information about a specific topic.  Also check out the Rumor Queen forum, which is really excellent for waiting parents (and yes, you really CAN avoid the rumors on this site for the most part, if you want to).  Your specific adoption agency may also have a Yahoo! group or forum.  For example, our agency has the Bethany Discussion Forum.  Go on-line ... it really, really helps to know people who are in exactly the same boat as you!

Take a Chinese cooking class.  Or, for a less expensive way to learn, try tackling some recipes from an Asian or  Chinese Cookbook.  You can also check out sites on-line, including Chinese Home Cooking, Yan Can Cook and Ming Tsai's official website, to name just a few.

For a visual reminder, gather together a large, clear glass jar or bowl and tons of pretty marbles, stones, whatever you like.  Calculate the number of LIDs that stand between you and your referral.  For example, let's say your LID is on May 29, 2007 ... and the CCAA is currently working on LIDs through November 1, 2005 ... you would need 573 marbles, or pebbles, or whatever to place in your bowl.  Each month, as referrals come out, you can take out the number of marbles that correspond with the number of LIDs the CCAA referred that month.  If the CCAA referred two weeks, then you get to remove 14 pebbles.  Spend the wait time watching the amount in the jar reduce!

If you are not traveling with a spouse, or if you and your spouse will travel with children who are already members of your family, consider choosing a travel companion to assist you during the trip.  Chose this person wisely!  He or she should have the temperament, health and enthusiasm suited for an international adoption trip.  Think pack mule, babysitter of older children, videographer/ photographer, encourager, procurer of supplies, thumb twiddler (lots of long and boring appointments), and on and on...

If you and your spouse have children already in the home, who will not travel with you to China, carefully select the person(s) who will care for your children during the weeks long adoption trip.

Read, read, read!  Read everything you can get your hands on about adoption, attachment, China and the like.  If you already have children in your home and feel too busy to read, think of what it will be like with an extra little one -- and get creative about finding the time (or location) to read.  Audio books checked out of the library can also work.  Use the reading list that your adoption agency gave to you.  You can also check out our personal recommendations via several Listmania! lists at Amazon (one person's opinion: and I am by no means an expert).  You could also check out several on-line sites that specialize in adoption literature, including  Tapestry Books, Adoptive Families Magazine and EMK Press.  My personal favorite is the Yahoo! group China Adoption Library.  I also enjoy the China-Related TV Program Listings on ChinaSprout, which is updated weekly.

Complete any and all home improvement projects, especially those related to making your home child-proof.  Remember, your little one may already be toddling around, ready to hurt herself or break something! One fun aspect of this to-do item is decorating the nursery!  You can take a peak at our two girls' rooms, if you want to, by clicking here.

Select a pediatrician, preferably one familiar with internationally adopted children.  Some medical practices do specialize in adoption medicine.  Check out this list of MDs with experience in adopted children.  Don't feel limited by this list, however, because: 1.) it is an old list, and 2.) you may start a trend with a doctor less experienced with IA who goes on to treat other international adoptees in years to come!  You should, however, ensure that your pediatrician will be available to review your referral information with less than 36 hours notice.  Other great questions to ask during the interview search can be found in a Rumor Queen post by Pengyou (scroll down a bit to find her list).  If needed, provide your pediatrician with documents about children adopted from China to help your pediatrician grow more knowledgeable.  A great place to look is the FCC website: Health and Medical Issues.  Learn more about medical and developmental issues sometimes found in Chinese adoptees.  Also give your pediatrician an Open Letter from Dr. Deborah Borchers.

If you enjoy scrapbooking, why not create a 6x6 ABC China culture album for your child?  (For example: A is for acrobats and Asia.  B is for Beijing.  And on and on...)  Not only will you learn much about Chinese culture during the project, your child will have a wonderful keepsake as she grows.  This is also a fun way to involve children already a part of your family.  For an ABC list which may provide you with a starting point, click here.

If you have an older daughter or niece, you may wish to educate her (and yourself) about Chinese culture using this fun project: purchase a child's charm bracelet for her and, every month during your wait, purchase one charm to add to the bracelet.  Each charm should symbolize some aspect of Chinese culture.  Provide a written explanation about the charm, and the cultural fact(s) it represents.  For example, add a charm of a panda bear and discuss pandas and their shrinking natural habitat; or a charm of a boat or ship and list the many Chinese inventions, including their numerous nautical discoveries; or a charm of a needle and thread and discuss Chinese embroidery... you get the idea.

Check out the Center for Disease Control's list of mandatory and recommended vaccines for travel to China.  Make sure that you receive at least the mandatory vaccines.  Also check out Dr. Borchers' immunization list.  Some vaccines, including the Hep-B, are essential and require several doses spread across several months.  You could also visit Passport Health, but remember that they are selling a service to you!

Practice using your various cameras: still, digital and video.  You will appreciate this when you're in China trying to document your adoption journey.  We also suggest thinking about song possibilities if you plan to edit together a home video of the experience.  (We used Pinnacle Studio Plus software to do this.)  Check out Possible Songs for a Metcha Day/ Forever Family Day/ Adoption Trip Video.  Be sure to e-mail us with any song suggestions you may have!

Enroll in an Infant/ Toddler Red Cross First Aid and CPR Training Course.  If you have limited experience with babies and young children, you may wish to enroll in a baby care class as well.  Often local hospitals will offer these types of classes for expectant parents.

Prepare your extended families, as best you can, about life in the first few months with an internationally adopted child.  Many people are unaware of the unique issues surrounding this situation -- babies over six months of age are not newborns.  Family members cannot expect to "help" or "interact" with these children in the same manner as they would with an infant.  Your adoption agency should have some suggestions as to how to phrase things to help communicate your new child's needs.  Check out the A4everFamily site for a sample letter and a sample list of dos and don'ts to share with extended family and friends.  Another sample letter, written by an anonymous waiting parent, can be read by clicking here.

Learn how to sing the Mandarin lullaby song that every northern Chinese child knows: "Mama Hao" or "Momma is the Best in All the World."  Lyrics and two different audio versions are here to help you learn.     Pinyin Lyrics    .mp3 (Adult)     .mp3 (Kids)   And remember, learning as much Mandarin as possible is always a good idea (see our At Any Time... section).

Gather fabric squares and good wishes from friends and family members so that you can make your child a 100 Good Wishes Quilt, or Bai Jia Bei.  To learn more about this custom, and other Chinese baby customs, click here.   If you are interested in creating your own Bai Jia Bei, and would like a sample letter to send to friends and family requesting squares and wishes, click here.  You can also follow along with our progress as we collect quilt squares and good wishes from loved ones at our "Gathering Good Wishes" page.

Save, save, save your money.  Not only will you have in-country adoption and travel expenses, but possibly also additional expenses during your first few months home.  You may need money to cover your loss of income during your first few weeks or months home when one or both of you are on leave from work.  If you plan to become a one-income family, why not begin adjusting to the change now by living on only one salary and saving the second?  You also need money for all of the baby/ toddler items you will now need... not to mention an emergency account for unexpected expenses during the first year home.  And don't forget about college savings as well!!!!

If necessary, research and make arrangements for a primary day care provider.  Also make decisions about any back-up providers you feel you may need.

Research all of the post-adoption tasks and legal paperwork required upon your arrival home with your new child: guardianship documents, wills, social security card, U.S. certificate of foreign birth, U.S. passport, etc.  Research how to update your insurance information and life insurance policies.  For a start, check out our Coming Home section listed on our FAQ site, although you need to realize that we are not offering legal advice.

Learn to eat using chopsticks.  While all of the hotels and many of the eating establishments should provide Westerners with forks and spoons upon request, your newly adopted child may only accept food from chopsticks and/or spoons.  Forks can look scary if you've never seen them before!

One to two months prior to your expected referral, focus on car-specific tasks.  Take care of all routine car maintenance and expected major repairs.  Do you need new tires?  How about a new shocks or struts?  How are your brakes?  Did you change the oil recently?

A fun way to save money is to have a special ritual each day (or week) that involves a coin jar.  We call ours the "Mei Mei Jar."  You can either deposit all of your loose change in it on a daily basis, or have a set amount, such as a dollar, to place in it each week.  This money is for ONLY fun things -- either while you are traveling on your adoption trip or in between referral and travel.  We plan to gift our eldest daughter with the bulk of this money to use as her spending money on the trip and also for gifts for her new mei mei, to be purchased prior to travel.  You'd be surprised as to how much you can save just by placing in a few coins each day or week. 

Collect donations for Love Without Boundaries, the Half-the-Sky Foundation, the Phillip Hayden Foundation or some other favorite Chinese charity.

Purchase and assemble some items on your first-draft packing list.  This list WILL change after referral, but you will need some supplies regardless of the age of your child or time of travel.  For example,  purchase space-saver bags for use in the luggage.  If you have luggage concerns, research and purchase specific luggage for the trip.  Just a couple of months before your expected referral, you can purchase and assemble OTC medicines for children and adults: you can either purchase the Pediatric Medical Kit from Orphan Allies or simply use their great shopping list to gather everything together yourself.  Don't do this too early in the wait as medications do have expiration dates.  Check out our Packing List  and others on the web to begin formulating your own list.

Scan copies of all adoption-related documents or forms onto a disk or memory card to take with you to China... just in case something happens to the hard copies!

If you really crave retail therapy, purchase a limited wardrobe of clothing in larger sizes, such as 18 months through 4T.  Smaller sizes may not be usable if your child is older at the time of adoption.  Also, sometimes smaller sizes can be off-season even if your child is young at the time of adoption.  Children usually remain in larger sizes for longer periods of time, so your child will be more likely to wear a winter 2T outfit as compared with a 9 month one, especially if you travel in the summer.  Still, we suggest keeping these purchases to a minimum until you meet your child.  We struggle to clothe our eldest daughter because she currently is 37 inches tall, but only 26 pounds.  Most pants and shorts fall down to her knees!

Video-tape messages to your future child about significant days during the wait.  Ask others to share their emotions about the wait as well.  Grandparents, godparents, close neighbors, etc are all excellent people to ask.  Also, videotape any important messages left on your answering machine that refer to the adoption.  For example, we videotaped the message our social worker left for us that gives our LID.  We will use the audio portion (obviously not the video) of this for our adoption movie, probably setting this message to a photo of our social worker.

Two or three months prior to your expected referral, focus on scheduling any upcoming well doctor visits (annual physicals), dentist cleanings and veterinary check-ups.  Get these out out of the way before you travel to China.  (Your doctor may even provide you with prescriptions for your trip, just in case you need them.)

Begin building a library for your child.  Include books about adoption and her birth country.  (After referral, we recommend also purchasing at least one video which communicates in Mandarin or Cantonese.  Our favorites, although not an expert opinion, are listed on our Amazon Listmania! list Mandarin for Children.)  These sights and sounds will be comforting to your child.  Ask your adoption agency for a list of recommended books.  You can also check out the China Adoption Library yahoo! group and/ or our Listmania! lists for our young adopted daughters of China and Excellent Children's Books About China.  One book not on any of our lists, but that we own and LOVE, is Colors of China by MoMo Books.  As of fall 2006, this book is only available through this website, although there are different books with this same name available elsewhere.

Throw yourself a pity party if you don't make an important cut-off!  Invite your friends over or go out ... wear reversible emoticon necklaces (one side is a happy face, the other side is a sad face) ... eat lots of goodies and basically spoil yourself ... play lots of country music, blues or any other songs that really sound pitiful ... watch a tear-jerker movie or one that makes you roll on the floor in hysterics ... most important, you must have a cake that reads "(your name)'s Pity Party."  There is nothing more pitiful than that!

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Send a package to your child's SWI containing a disposable camera and a baby's first photo album filled with pictures of your family.  Label the photos you send with the appropriate Chinese characters (mother, father, cat or dog, grandmother, state of residence, etc) so that the caregivers can aid your child's transition.  You could also include a special blanket or toy, etc.  Include a series of orphanage questions (translated into Chinese).  Expect nothing, but strive to do as much as possible to learn about your child's early life and ease this transition.  We used Adele at Blessed Kids for this service.

I highly suggest purchasing Kay Graap's Lifebook Writing Guide for Parents of Adopted Chinese Children.  It is an inexpensive workbook that will aid you greatly in creating your child's lifebook.  You can find in at most on-line scrapbook stores that specialize in adoption supplies (Scrap and Tell is one such site).  You may also wish to join the Yahoo! group ChinaLifebooks, which she founded in 2004, or the newly created forum China Digital Scrapbooks begun by members of ChinaLifebooks.  (There is a small fee associated with this forum, although the ChinaLifebooks Yahoo! group is free).  You don't have to begin work on the lifebook right away, but your best chance to gather accurate information for the book is while on your adoption trip.

Create a list of "must-have photographs" so that you know what you need to shoot ahead of time.  A great sample list was created by Jennifer Wilson-Pines of the ChinaLifebooks Yahoo! group.  You can use her list as a starting point for your own list.

Look up the historical weather data and moon phase on your child's assigned birth date and actual finding date.  Many weather sites store the information for less than one or two years, so act now to try to obtain as much information as possible.  You can research historical weather from China's large and mid-sized cities at two sites: Wunderground and Russia's Weather Service.

Research/ translate your child's Chinese name using several sources.  I highly suggest talking with someone who speaks fluent Mandarin, especially if he or she received higher education in Chinese language.  There are many books and internet sites that provide some limited translations.  To start with, check out some basic information about Chinese names as well as our page that has over 1,000 Chinese characters (with pinyin spellings and translations) commonly used in girls' names.  You can also research using the Mandarin Tools or the Zhongwen translation sites.   Make decisions about your child's Chinese name: will you keep it as a first name, a middle name or teach her about her Chinese name as she grows?

Purchase child outfits of several sizes to pack for your adoption trip.  Purchase at least: three outfits in the size that you expect your child to be... two outfits one size smaller... two outfits one size larger.  Purchase, sew or otherwise obtain at least two extra special outfits for use on the Red Couch day, your child's Visa passport photo day and possibly the arrival day home.  You can guesstimate your child's size at the time of adoption by using this method.

Gather together all of the packing lists you collected these past few months.  Make the crucial decision: luggage enough for two weeks OR carry-on only (there is a Yahoo! group, the Carry-On-Only Club, for this topic as well)!  Also check out the Yahoo! group China Adoption Travel.  To view one example of a packing list, check out our Packing List for our China adoption trip in Feb/March of 2005 (three climates in the winter season: two mid-sized wheeled suitcases and two backpacks ... definitely NOT carry-on, but much less than many).  Remember to look at many examples -- great minds don't always think alike, so read many different lists!

Pretend to pack... then narrow down that huge list!

Join the Yahoo! group for your child's specific SWI or province group.  Gather information from this group of parents who have gone before you.  They will share information about the capital city where you stay for five days, the general impressions of the SWI and director, the general health and development of previously adopted children, etc.  This is probably the most valuable Yahoo! group to join.

Go to your bank immediately and inform them you will need XXX amount of dollars in crisp, new bills for an international adoption.  Your adoption agency should suggest an amount to you.  (Each bill must contain no folds, no tears and no marks.)  Sometimes it takes the bank only days to gather this money; sometimes it takes weeks.  Be prepared to pick it up within days of the bank's telephone call, so have a secure hiding place ready for all of this cash!  Also begin collecting bills of smaller denominations that are in good condition so that you have cash on hand in China for your per diem.

Contact your insurance company to announce the scheduled date of your adoption.

Purchase gifts for the SWI director, guides and care-givers (either the ayis at the SWI or the foster family).  As to what specifically to bring, ask your adoption agency for their suggestions.  They will definitely tell you to avoid bringing items that say "Made in China" and to strive to find items that state "Made in the USA."  That is actually fairly difficult to do.  Not all of these listed items pack lightly, but most do, so keep in mind how things will store in your luggage. By far, the most popular and useful gift would probably be cash gifts, ranging from $5 to $40, placed in red envelopes ( hong bao 红 包 ).  Do not EVER give cash to an official, but the nannies at the SWI or the foster family would truly appreciate it!A few other gift ideas include: American (not Chinese) ginseng tea or American ginseng (whole is more preferred, but sliced is also received well)... fish oil capsules... American stamps depicting Chinese New Year, American landmarks or famous people, stored in the small cellophane envelopes found at most hobby stores (stamp collecting is a popular hobby in China) ... a small photo album filled with pictures of your home, family and neighborhood, preferably labeled with Chinese characters ... skin-care products, but NOT soap, such as scented lotions, especially if it made for sensitive skin ... potpourri envelopes ... postcards of pretty scenes that they can hang on the walls of their homes: think flowers, landscapes, travel guidebooks or coffee table books with lots of photographs of your home state or local area ... stickers and bottles of bubbles for children ... floral-scented deodorant for women ... jelly beans ... any items for use in the SWI such as knitted caps or blankets.

Schedule an appointment with your pediatrician for soon after your arrival home.  Some parents prefer to schedule the appointment for one to three days after your arrival home, just in case your child is sick.  Other parents prefer to wait a week or so to give everyone time to recover from the jet lag.

Make an important decision: stroller, carrier or sling.  This is a passionate issue for most.  I remember thinking, before our first adoption, that "these people are crazy.  This isn't that huge of a deal!"  But after two weeks in China, carrying our daughter in an infant carrier for HOURS at a time, day after day ... I have to rescind my earlier thoughts and say that I am now one of "those people."  Ask on any of the Yahoo! groups related to China adoption travel and you will hear tons of passionate responses.  Personally, we hated the carrier ... feel that the stroller doesn't take advantage of bonding opportunities ... this time, we'll try the sling or some form of hip carrier, most probably plunking down money for the expensive Ergo.  For great practice (and help in making a decision), lug around a ten to twenty pound bag of potatoes or sugar for a few hours in a carrier or sling.  You'll find which one works best for you fairly quickly that way!

Research your child's province and create a list of items for which her province is known.  Is your child from Jiangxi Province?  Plan to purchase some porcelain while there.  Hunan?  Embroidery.  The list goes on...

Briefly review the U.S. Department of State's travel and business site.  Read the travel tips and warnings so that you are more knowledgeable about travel within the People's Republic of China.

Contact your credit card companies to make them aware of the dates of your international travel.  They need to be aware that you will be overseas so that they don't refuse a legitimate charge.  Inform them of your general locations within China: perhaps Beijing or Shanghai ... definitely the capital city of your child's province ... definitely Guangzhou.

Check out our Pre-Travel Check List.  It is a list of about fifteen tasks to complete during the last two weeks before your trip that will make life much easier during the trip and/or upon your arrival home.  It includes tasks such as: washing all linens and clothes which will touch your new child's skin with allergy-free detergent; purchasing bulk cleaning supplies and paper products; and printing out addresses on sticker labels for your postcard mailing list in China.

If your child is traveling with you to China, prepare a "Help! Lost Child" document for the child to carry at all times.  For an example, check out a sample created by Terry Garlock for his daughter, Melanie, in Jan03:     .doc     .gif   You may also wish to purchase an adoption trip travel journal for your child to bring along.  You can find a few available for sale on-line at An Incredible Journey.  Consider purchasing some new toys or books for the trip to help stave off the boredom during travel days and naptimes.

If your child will remain at home during your adoption trip, think about special ways to include him or her during your trip.  Charting your journey on a map ... following along on a website ... opening special notes and/or gifts from mom and dad during your absence ... writing in a journal designed for children who remain at home during an adoption trip (you can find some at An Incredible Journey, to name just one site) ... these are just a few of many possibilities.

If your child is remaining at home while you and your spouse travel to China, remember all of the practical tasks related to this, including: writing and notarizing a guardianship letter; providing the guardians with a list of emergency telephone numbers (to reach you and your spouse while traveling, but also to reach family members or close friends who are nearby who can assist during an emergency); confirming help from your neighbors and friends in terms of carpooling, play dates to keep them busy; etc., etc.

Decide how you plan to communicate with family and friends while you are traveling in China.  Some people use e-mail exclusively, accessing the internet either with their own personal laptop or using the computers in the hotel business offices.  If you decide to bring a laptop from home, you may wish to check out Skype so that you can communicate "face to face" with your loved ones.  Some people really wish to communicate via telephone, using a Panda Phone or a personal cell phone or calling cards.  Whatever works for you!

Prepare and address your adoption announcements.  Leave off the personal notes, if any, until after you return home so that you can include little comments about your new child's personality.

Research, purchase and install a child car seat that can grow with a child ranging from 10 to 40+ pounds.  Make personal decisions about an infant versus a toddler car seat (and even rear versus forward facing), depending upon your child's age at the time of referral and his or her expected weight and developmental stage.  Think about purchasing a car seat with a large weight range, such as birth to 50 or even 60 pounds, just so you don't have to purchase a second one in a few years.  Have a certified Car Seat Safety Officer inspect your installation. A Child Passenger Safety Technician will show YOU how to install the seat properly and have you demonstrate that knowledge as part of your instruction.

If you have yet to send a letter to families and friends explaining the bonding and attachment process, do so now!  Check out the A4everFamily site for a sample letter and a sample list of dos and don'ts to share with extended family and friends.  Another sample letter, written by an anonymous waiting parent, can be read by clicking here.

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Last edited April 2006

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