Look Out For The Following Computer Viruses!
VIAGRA VIRUS
Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.
JOEY BUTTAFUOCO VIRUS
Only attacks minor files.
LORENA BOBBIT VIRUS
Re-formats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then discards it through Windows.
WOODY ALLEN VIRUS
Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card
CLINTON VIRUS
Gives you a 6 inch hard drive with NO memory.
LEWINSKY VIRUS
Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did.
HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON VIRUS
Instantly turns 1K of disk space into 1 Meg
RONALD REAGAN VIRUS
Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.
FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS
Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS
Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #1
The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2
Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything
PAUL REVERE VIRUS
Warns of an impending virus infection: 1 if by LAN, 2 if by C:\
POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS
Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
ROSS PEROT VIRUS
Activates every component in your system, just before the whole darn thing quits
OLLIE NORTH VIRUS
plays a patriotic .WAV while it shreds your files
DR. JACK KEVORKIAN VIRUS
Deletes all old files.
MIKE TYSON VIRUS
Quits after two bytes.
OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS
Your 300 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 100 MB, then slowly expands to 200 MG.
ELLEN DEGENERES VIRUS
Disks can no longer be inserted.
DISNEY VIRUS
Everything in your computer goes Goofy :).
PROZAC VIRUS
Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care.
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS
Terminates some files, leaves, but IT WILL BE BAAAAACK.
TONYA HARDING VIRUS
Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons
JANE FONDA VIRUS
attacks your hard drive's FAT
AT&T VIRUS
Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
MCI VIRUS
Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus
ADAM AND EVE VIRUS
Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple computer
AIRLINE VIRUS
You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore
FREUDIAN VIRUS
Your computer becomes obsessed with its own motherboard. Or becomes very jealous of the size of your friend's hard drive
PBS VIRUS
Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money
JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS
Your programs can never be found again
LAPD VIRUS
It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self-defense".
O.J. VIRUS
It claims that it did not, could not and would not delete two of your files and vows to find the virus that did it.