Home: Sample Scripts: I'm Not Your Mother, Kid

Animaniacs #48
"I'm Not Your Mother, Kid"
Script by Joe Edkin
Edited by Dana Kurtin
Animaniacs and all related characters are © and TM Warner Bros.

Please note that this is the first draft of the script.  Many changes were made during the revision stage, as often happens.

PAGE ONE

PANEL ONE
We're looking through the windshield of a large camper at SLAPPY, who is driving, and SKIPPY, who is navigating for her.  He has an impossibly large map that is practically overwhelming him.
SKIPPY:  Aunt Slappy, the campgrounds are right up there!
SLAPPY:  Thank goodness, Skippy.  My hemorrhoid ring ran out of air!
SKIPPY:  Ewwwww!

PANEL TWO
Now we're looking through another windshield of another camper.  WALTER WOLF is driving.
WALTER:  A pleasure it will be to be hundreds of miles away from that scene-stealer Slappy Squirrel.  Wherever I go, she shows up!

PANEL THREE
Slappy's camper pulls into the last campsite beside the river, cutting off Walter's camper.
SKIPPY (from inside camper):  There's only one site left!
SLAPPY (from inside camper):  Don't worry, kid!  It's ours!
WALTER (from inside his camper):  I saw that parking place foist!  Who'd have the noive to steal it from me?

PANEL FOUR
WALTER gets out of his camper, shaking his fist at Slappy's camper.
WALTER:  Show your face, you no good son of a producer!

PANEL FIVE
SLAPPY and SKIPPY step out of their camper to confront WALTER.
SLAPPY:  That's daughter of a producer--but at my age, it should be 'grandmother.'
WALTER:  You?!  Here?!
SLAPPY:  Very astute.  You remind me of an old Pauly Shore only less intelligent.

PANEL SIX
WALTER bends over, finding eggs in a seemingly-abandoned nest along the shore of the lake.
WALTER:  I'll show you!  That spot shoulda been mine!

PAGE TWO

PANEL ONE
WALTER throws the eggs at SLAPPY and SKIPPY.
SKIPPY:  Duck, Aunt Slappy!
SLAPPY:  At my age, I'm lucky if I can get out of bed, let alone duck!

PANEL TWO
The eggs break over SLAPPY's head.  Instead of white and yolk running down, three baby ducks, JAMIE, JENNY, and GINNY, pop out.  The ducks could have an air of Huey, Dewey, and Louie to them.  SKIPPY watches from under his hands where he was taking cover.
SKIPPY:  Awww!  Aren't they cute, Aunt Slappy! Baby ducks!
SLAPPY:  I don't do cute!

PANEL THREE
Biggest panel on the page.  JAMIE, JENNY, and GINNY land on SLAPPY's shoulders and try to hug her.  Leave room for title and credits.
NOTE TO THE LETTERIST:  The ducks' word balloons should be kept small with small lettering.  These are babies with little voices.  If you need to combine their three balloons into one with three tails at times, that is fine by me.  However, for this introductory panel, I think it's important to keep the balloons individual.  Thanks, J.E.
SLAPPY:  I don't work with babies or animals. Baby animals are out of the question!  Get away from me!
JAMIE:  mama
JENNY:  mama
GINNY:  mama
SLAPPY (TITLE):  I'M NOT YOUR MOTHER, KID!
CREDITS:  Joe Edkin, writer etc.

PANEL FOUR
SKIPPY explains imprinting to an impatient SLAPPY, who is trying to wave JAMIE, JENNY, and GINNY away.
SLAPPY:  You remind me of a young Huey, Dewey, and Louie.  Shoo!  Shoo!  Go away!
SKIPPY:  Aunt Slappy--they've imprinted on you. Their mother isn't here, so they think you hatched them!

PANEL FIVE
As JAMIE, JENNY, and GINNY fly around her head, SLAPPY makes it clear to SKIPPY that she has more important things to worry about than playing nursemaid to a bunch of ducks!
SLAPPY:  Thanks for introducing the wild kingdom, Marlin Perkins!
SLAPPY:  If these birds think I'm going to regurgitate worms for them, they've got another think coming!
JAMIE, JENNY, and GINNY:  mama

PAGE THREE

PANEL ONE
Later.  WALTER stands on the roof of Slappy's camper near the chimney tube with a conical cap.  He is holding a beehive and a plunger.  SLAPPY and SKIPPY approach from a clearing and see what Walter is up to.  Skippy points at the Walter on the roof.
SLAPPY:  Well, at least I got rid of the ducks.  All I had to do is mention my hernia operation!
SKIPPY:  Look, Aunt Slappy!
SLAPPY:  Oh, the old beehive-down-the-stovepipe-gag.  That was old when I was a kid!

PANEL TWO
High angle shot.  WALTER on the roof of the camper with the beehive.  He has removed the conical cap from the chimney tube and is holding the beehive over the opening.  On the ground below (unnoticed by him as he is facing the readers with his back to Slappy and Skippy), SLAPPY hands SKIPPY a large vent tube (the plastic covered spring-type thing used to vent dryers and the like which moves like an accordion).
SLAPPY:  You know what to do with this.
WALTER:  This brilliant trick will get rid of Slappy Squirrel for sure!

PANEL THREE
Inside the camper.  SKIPPY places one end of the tube in the chimney of their Franklin stove.  The tube runs out the door of the camper.
SKIPPY:  Aunt Slappy should be in place with the other end of the tube now...

PANEL FOUR
Outside, on the roof of the camper, SLAPPY sneaks up behind WALTER as he uses the plunger to send the beehive down the chimney.  Slappy is just about to place the end of the tube in the seat of Walter's coveralls.
SLAPPY (whispering):  This is too easy...
WALTER:  Bombs--or should I say bees--away!  Hah hah!

PANEL FIVE
SLAPPY is startled by the sudden appearance of JAMIE, JENNY, and GINNY.  She does not place the tube in the seat of WALTER's pants as intended.  The tube should have a lump in it to imply the imminent arrival of the beehive.  Walter is surprised by the noise and is turning to look over his shoulder to see what's going on.
JAMIE, JENNY, and GINNY:  mama
SLAPPY:  I thought I got rid of you!  Go away!
WALTER:  Now what?

PANEL SIX
WALTER laughs riotously as the beehive whacks SLAPPY in the face as she tries to wave JAMIE, JENNY, and GINNY away.
SFX:  WHUNK!
SFX (bees):  ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz
JAMIE, JENNY, and GINNY:  mama
WALTER:  Haw haw haw haw!

PAGE FOUR

PANEL ONE
JAMIE, JENNY, GINNY, and a swarm of BEES fly around SLAPPY's head as she fumes.  WALTER is laughing so hard that he starts coughing.
WALTER:  Haw haw --*hak hak*-- haw!
SLAPPY:  Where's a no pest strip when you need it?
JAMIE, JENNY, and GINNY:  mama
SLAPPY:  I've told you before--I'M NOT YOUR MOTHER!  Go away!

PANEL TWO
WALTER asks if SLAPPY is ready to surrender the parking place.  Slappy's face is puffy from having been stung several times.  JAMIE, JENNY, and GINNY are perched on her.
WALTER:  You shouldn'ta stole my parking place!  I trust you got my point, honey!  Ha ha ha!
SLAPPY:  The only thing worse than your jokes, Walter, is gonna be my cleaning bills thanks to these crazy birds!
JAMIE, JENNY, and GINNY:  mama

PANEL THREE
SLAPPY tells WALTER he's delusional if he think she's going to give up her parking space.  JAMIE, JENNY, and GINNY fly over Slappy's head, each upset by her comment.
WALTER:  So, you ready to move your camper?
SLAPPY:  You've been hitting the Geritol too hard if you think I'm gonna give my campsite!
SLAPPY:  Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got some duck soup to make!
JAMIE, JENNY, and GINNY:  mama?

PANEL FOUR
SLAPPY inside the camper with SKIPPY.  They are sitting at their dinette table drinking mugs of soup.  Slappy's hat is on the table.  It is stained (by bird droppings, but that doesn't have to be explicit).  Slappy is pointing to it.  Out the window, we can see WALTER approaching with a jack.
SKIPPY:  Gee Aunt Slappy, your noodle soup is kinda bland.
SLAPPY:  Sorry, Skippy, but the ducks got away.  They left their calling cards, though.
SKIPPY:  SPEW!

PANEL FIVE
Outside the camper.  WALTER has slipped the jack under one end of the camper and is pumping it.  SKIPPY watches from the window as SLAPPY walks away, putting a clean hat on her head.  The camper has begun to tilt slightly.
SKIPPY:  Look, Aunt Slappy!  Walter Wolf is back!
SLAPPY:  Just like Dan Quayle!  He never goes away!
SLAPPY:  We'll have to see what I can do about that!

PAGE FIVE

This page is broken into five vertical panels of the same size.  They are all long shots showing how high the camper has gone.

PANEL ONE
SLAPPY to the left and WALTER to the right of the camper which is already about ten feet off the ground.  The camper is tipping to Slappy's side.
WALTER:  I'll dump Slappy and her nephew out of their camper, then take this spot for myself!

PANEL TWO
The camper is now higher off the ground, resting on the two jacks.  SLAPPY has turned the tables and the camper is tipping over Walter's head.
SLAPPY:  I came to this national park to get away from high rises.

PANEL THREE
The camper is now impossibly high off the ground and tipping over SLAPPY's head.  WALTER is gloating.  JAMIE, JENNY, and GINNY are flying toward Slappy's end of the camper.
JAMIE, JENNY, and GINNY:  mama
SLAPPY:  Shoo!  Get away from there!  I'm not your mother!  Go hassle Fat Albert!  He likes strays!

PANEL FOUR
JAMIE, JENNY, and GINNY land on the edge of the roof of the camper that looms over SLAPPY's head.  She's taken her hands of the jack to shoo the birds away allowing WALTER to gain the upper hand.  The camper is now tipping precariously over Slappy's head.
JAMIE, JENNY, and GINNY:  mama
SLAPPY:  Oh great!  This is gonna hurt in the morning!

PANEL FIVE
The camper tips over, landing on its end on top of SLAPPY who is flattened under it like a pancake as WALTER does a victory dance.  The camper should be vibrating.  JAMIE, JENNY, and GINNY fly around Slappy.
SFX:  KKK-RASH!
JAMIE, JENNY, and GINNY:  mama
SLAPPY:   Who am I kidding?  It hurts right now!
WALTER:  Hah ha ha ha!

PAGE SIX

PANEL ONE
This panel is a long, horizontal panel along the top of the page.  The camper has fallen over like a tree on top of WALTER.  SLAPPY is still flat on the ground with SKIPPY feeding the end of a hand tire pump into her mouth.  JAMIE, JENNY, and GINNY are still flying around.
SFX:  THUNK!
SKIPPY:  I'll save you, Aunt Slappy.
JAMIE, JENNY, and GINNY:  mama

PANEL TWO
As SKIPPY re-inflates SLAPPY, WALTER crawls out from under the camper.
SFX:  pump pump pump pump
SLAPPY:  This isn't good for my lumbago!
WALTER:  This isn't over!

PANEL THREE
Later.  WALTER has driven a tow truck up to Slappy's camper.  He attaches the hook from the tow truck to the camper.  SLAPPY and SKIPPY watch from the window, Slappy promising that this has to end now.
SKIPPY:  Aunt Slappy!  Walter Wolf is coming back with a tow truck!
SLAPPY:  Must you narrate my life for me?  My eyes still work, even if the rest of me is falling apart.

PANEL FOUR
WALTER gets back into the tow truck as SLAPPY detaches the chain from her camper.  In her other hand, she is holding a chain that is attached to a huge trailer of explosives.
WALTER:  If Slappy won't move her camper herself, I'll do it for her.
SLAPPY:  I think this calls for decisive action.

PANEL FIVE
Before SLAPPY can attach the two chains, JAMIE, JENNY, and GINNY fly around her, distracting her and causing her to get tangled in the chains.
JAMIE, JENNY, and GINNY:  mama
SLAPPY:  Not you again!  Isn't there some jet engine you can fly into somewhere?

PANEL SIX
WALTER guns the gas pedal of the tow truck.
SFX:  VRRR---OOOM!

PAGE SEVEN

This page is made up of five horizontal panels all of the same size.

PANEL ONE
The tow truck speeds off.  SLAPPY is stretched like a rubber band between the tow truck and the trailer of explosives, still tangled in the chains.
SFX:  SCREEECH
SLAPPY:  This isn't supposed to happen to me!

PANEL TWO
SLAPPY snaps back, pulling the tow truck and the trailer toward each other.
SFX:  SPROING!

PANEL THREE
SLAPPY is crushed between the tow truck and the trailer of explosives.
SFX:  KRUNK!

PANEL FOUR
High angle shot as SLAPPY, eyes wide and arms flailing, is blown toward the reader from the explosion caused by the impact.  JAMIE, JENNY, and GINNY fly around her head.
SFX:  Ka-BOOM!
SLAPPY:  Well, that took care of my lumbago!
JAMIE, JENNY, and GINNY:  mama

PANEL FIVE
A singed SLAPPY lands with a thud, creating a large whole.  Her arm can be seen reaching out of the whole grabbing JAMIE, JENNY, and GINNY by the tail feathers.
SFX:  THUD
SLAPPY:  This has got to stop.  Now!
JAMIE, JENNY, and GINNY:  mama

PAGE EIGHT

PANEL ONE
The singed SLAPPY (along with SKIPPY) walks up to WALTER who is getting out of the cab of the tow truck.  Slappy is holding the end of a rope.
SLAPPY:  I never thought I'd say this to you, Walter, but YOU WIN!  You can have my camper and campsite.
WALTER:  Ha ha!  I knew someday you'd realize I was the better man!
SLAPPY:  Yeah--whatever.

PANEL TWO
WALTER cautiously enters the camper as SKIPPY surreptitiously picks his pocket.
WALTER:  I find it hard to believe that Slappy gave up so easily.
WALTER:  I'll bet she booby-trapped this place.

PANEL THREE
WALTER opens a closet door.  JAMIE, JENNY, and GINNY fly out.
WALTER:  Everything looks safe so far...
JAMIE, JENNY, and GINNY:  mama
WALTER:  Oh!  Aren't you the cute ones?

PANEL FOUR
Long shot.  The camper is parked beneath a tree.  Hanging over the camper from the tree is a giant anvil.  SLAPPY is holding the end of the rope connected to the anvil.  SKIPPY watches appreciatively holding up a key ring.
SLAPPY:  Did you get the keys to Walter's camper?
SKIPPY:  Right here, Aunt Slappy.
SLAPPY:  Then I don't need this old rope any more.

PANEL FIVE
The giant anvil has flattened the middle of the camper much to SLAPPY and SKIPPY's delight.  There are four word balloons coming from inside one uncrushed end of the trailer.  The 'live' end of the trailer is to the left while Slappy and Skippy are to the right of the panel.
BALLOON 1 (JAMIE, JENNY, and GINNY):  mama
BALLOON 2 (WALTER):  I'M NOT YOUR MOTHER!
SFX:  K-THUNK!
SLAPPY:  Hah-ha!  I've always wanted to give ol' Walter the bird!
SLAPPY:  Let's get out of here, Skippy.  That nature can be a mean mother!