The nice thing about life, is if you want something bad enough and work hard enough to get it you can be successful. Take me for example. I prayed for a baby, begged for a baby, did everything short of stealing one from the mall and what did I get? Three babies.

 

Steven is everything to the nth degree. Faster, stronger, smarter and funnier than any child I have ever met. In trouble more often than he is not; his stamina and willfulness have caused Kory and I to grow in our parenting skills, learning as we go along, always hoping we are never more then one step behind him.

 

Sean is sweet, cunning and gorgeous with the most beautiful head of hair you have ever seen and eyes so dark they remind me one of the depths of the night’s sky. His laugh is infectious, his hugs and kisses addicting. Sean has taught us faith. Have faith in God that Sean is perfect, just as he is. Faith in Sean that he will accomplish everything we expect him to. He does things slowly, in his own time. Once he master’s a new skill however, LOOK OUT!

 

Bella is our beautiful, unexpected girl. Her chortles of joy warm our hearts and her deep blue eyes delight our souls. She is all girl and a sweet, sweet wonder to behold. Pretty in pink and purple and yellow, Bella is the marshmallows in our hot cocoa. Hot cocoa is perfect just as it is, but is even better with marshmallows!

 

Never doubt for a moment that a dream is attainable. The children are just one (well, three really) examples of a desire attained through the power of prayer, God’s design and much hard work on the part of Kory and myself. Take the time to search your heart for dreams you’ve laid to rest. Bring them out, dust them off. Pray diligently, work hard and Pray the prayer of Jabez:

 

And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying,

“Oh, that You would bless me indeed,

and enlarge my territory,

that Your hand would be with me,

and that You would keep me from evil,

that I may not cause pain”. (1 Chronicles 4:9-10)

 

and see how God works in your life! For more information on the Prayer of Jabez see the book under the same title penned by Bruce Wilkinson.

 

 

Did you hear that sound last night; the horrific racket of a thousand plate glass windows shattering in unison? You didn’t? Are you sure? I swear it was so loud it could have been heard from the foamy coast of sunny Los Angeles to the towering Statue of Liberty off the eastern shore.

 

The sound, the one you didn’t hear but I was sure you would…was the painful disintegration of my heart. Casey left home last night. I knew it was coming and happy for him that it was. His many years of being a wanderer, a visitor, a guest in two homes would be over at last.

 

I don’t blame him for choosing to live with his father. He is after all, a young man and Mike’s home is far less chaotic and much more predictable than ours. He made a responsible decision based on what he thought would be best for him. I am proud of my baby and the man that he has become.

 

With every fiber of my being I will miss him. Casey made me a mother. Casey taught me what it means to love someone beyond reason and what its like to have your heart exist outside your body. I know that this wasn’t an easy decision for him to make. He loves me as much as I love him. I know that he feared hurting me, but this was something that had to be done. He needs to experience typical family life before he begins a family of his own someday.

 

So with one last handsome smile and a wave the door shut. And behind it was my son. In what was now his “home”. A place that didn’t include me and never would. I would never again live in a place that Casey would call “home”.

 

I didn’t go straight home after dropping him off. I drove around thinking about him. Recalling every moment from the day I first found out I was pregnant, to his gorgeous two year old locks, to the day he finally stood taller than I, then today….when I had to say goodbye. I didn’t want to return to a house that didn’t have Casey in it.

 

I’ll tell you what I want. I want to rock him to sleep one more time, I want to lie next to him in his race car bed until he drifts off to sleep. I want to see him wear an overgrown cowboy hat and tie a burp rag around his neck and pretend he is Superman. I want him to hold my hand tightly and whisper into my neck that no one could possibly love me as much as he does. I want to hear him sing the  “Hi Ho” song from Snow White. I want him to tell me jokes and ask me what I think about things that are important to him.

I want him to ask me one more time “Mama, would you rather be a squirrel or a tree?”

 

I can’t do this. I thought I could, but I can’t. The pain is too great. He’s gone. Please God…let me do it over. PLEASE give me a “do over”. I promise I’ll be more patient, I’ll take the time to answer carefully. I’ll never resist helping him get to sleep. I won’t roll my eyes at the next question. I’ll read him any book he wants, as many times as he wants. I’ll make time to ride bikes with him, play with him, see a movie with him anything please…..just give me one more chance.

 

I know, I know. Only one chance is given, one received. There is nothing more to do than love him from the side lines and cheer on his endeavors. I love him more than life itself and because of this I must let him go.

 

Good bye my love. You are free to become who you were meant to be, the wonderful man I already know that you are.

 

 

You wake to a naked toddler in his bed

You wake to a naked toddler in YOUR bed

The car is not in the driveway where you parked it the night before

Your teenager is up before you, starting a science fair project due that day

The shower is backed up

The toilet is overflowing (and you suspect Hot Wheels to be the culprit)

There’s a rat floating in the pool

There’s a rat floating in the toilet

You fell asleep prior to rinsing the tint out of your hair

You wake up and see the color of your hair

 

Ah well….they can’t all be good days.