There you are on a two-lane back road running late but you can make up the time on this two-lane back road by driving 60mph in a 40 mph zone and you get behind a slow-moving truck. Seems like that only happens when you’re running late, or maybe it’s just that you don’t perceive it as such a problem when you aren’t running late, which isn’t often. So there you are dodging and weaving, your heart pounding as you consider passing this slow-moving truck but each time you do a car comes from the other direction reminding you that this can be a heavily trafficked road and therefore not the best place to cross a double yellow line. But you really want to, in fact you even gun the engine in preparation to make a move when the slow-moving truck moves even slower going up a long incline but God and/or some primitive urge for self-preservation prevents you from doing so. So there you are, blood pressure up, totally unable to appreciate the beautiful scenery, the soothing melody on the car radio, dodging and weaving behind this slow-moving truck when it occurs to you that you did indeed ask God to give you patience and that the way God does that is to present you with opportunities to be patient for what good is patience if you have no opportunity to use it and that as soon as you can be consistently patient you will probably no longer encounter slow-moving vehicles on two-lane back roads, in fact, you probably will never run late again and will coast serenely along on two-lane back roads not to avoid traffic but to enjoy the beautiful scenery and the soothing melody on the car radio.

Surprisingly, there are many life lessons to be learned from playing computer Solitaire. This epiphany came today as I was “warming up” by playing a few rounds of solitaire supposedly as I waited for my Internet server to kick in, supposedly to just let my mind wander a bit before beginning the more drudgerous part of my day (i.e. things I “have” to do rather than things I WANT to do) but really just procrastination with a capital P. The “have to do’s” are: written daily inventory, grading assignments for my online class, PR for upcoming Boob events, returning emails and phone calls. The “WANT to do’s” are: WRITE, WRITE, WRITE and PAINT, PAINT, PAINT. Skiing and tennis can fall in either category depending on the weather. Housework and rearranging the furniture can fall in either category depending on how nasty the “have to do’s” are.

Usually, I play a few rounds and quit when I get the cards to cascade. This is achieved by intense concentration and will-power. I’ve developed a strategy: the primary objective is to play cards from the board. Only play cards from the deck to enable cards from the board to be played. Follow only one string at a time so that you’re not eliminating chances for cards from the board to be played. Often it looks like I’m stymied but using my superior wit and perseverance I maneuver my way out of it. But sometimes, if the “have to do’s” are too pressing I get distracted and pull a card from the deck only to turn over the same card on the board moments later. That’s the signal that it’s time to quit.

Once in a while, as what happened today, I get a string of hands that just won’t play no matter how I tease and cajole the deck. Today, perhaps because I’d just been reading Marianne Williamson’s A Return to Love, I got really frustrated that things weren’t going my way and really conscious of that frustration as I kept trying to bulldoze my way through. I tried this and I tried that and each endeavor was blocked. Dead end. Not used to such consistent failure (at least in Solitaire), to the total uselessness of any effort no matter how canny, it hit me that this was my life in a microcosm: when I meet with any resistance my innate impulse is to TRY HARDER which sometimes leads to SUCCESS but usually leads to FRUSTRATION which usually leads to BAD BEHAVIOR.

Some days the cards cascade and some days they don’t. When they don’t, it is useful to let go and let God. As Marianne Williamson writes, “In Akido and other martial arts, we sidestep our attacker’s force rather than resisting it. The energy of the attack then boomerangs back in the direction of the attacker. Our power lies in remaining nonreactive” (86). Oh, how I long to be nonreactive!!! (See, I just used too many exclamation marks – just can’t rein myself in.)

This morning, during my meditation following this reading, the smiling face of Marilyn flashed (flashed is too reactive – her face drifted lonely as a cloud) into my mind. Marilyn was a senior when I was in 7^th grade (back in ye olde days they were just phasing out schools that went from first through twelfth grade). She was not what I would consider the stereotypically popular girl because she was not blonde and brainless but she was a cheerleader, homecoming queen, prom queen, Miss West High, and voted Best All Round, among other attainments so she looked like the unattainable dream to me. Her serene, beatific beauty stood out in those crowded halls as if a ray of light from above fell down upon her, and it was all because of her steady, constant smile which seemed to indicate a supreme nonreaction to her surroundings. She appeared as an angel in the hostile chaos of high school. She never said a word to me, never showed a sign of recognition, but I knew her soul through her smile.

TO READ MORE OF KAREN DE BALBIAN VERSTER’S BLOGS, CLICK ON ONE OF THE MONTHS BELOW.

My husband, Brian Delate, won the Best Narrative Feature Film – the top award -- for his independent film, Soldiers Heart, at the G.I. Film Festival in Washington, D.C. on May 18, 2008.

On Saturday, May 17, I was the featured speaker at the ACS luncheon in Bear, DE, and my daughter, Tirsa, joined me at this event (and was a great navigator). We then drove on to Washington to visit with my cousin, Stephanie (who took us to a fabulous vegetarian restaurant, Vegetarian Gardens) and to attend the screening and award ceremony at the G.I. Film Festival. After all the excitement, we drove home exhausted. Today we celebrated our 24^th wedding anniversary but were too pooped to do much. Tomorrow, I accompany Tirsa to NYC for a school French trip that included lunch at a French restaurant and a tour of the French artists in the Met.

Besides re-connecting with actors Stephen Baldwin and Gary Sinise (GIFF host), during the four days of the film festival, Brian got to meet and spend time with Robert Duvall, Colonel Bud Day (Medal of Honor winner and John McCain's cellmate as a POW), Four Star General George Casey (Head of the Army), Brigadier General Loree K. Sutton (Director, Defense Center of Excellence for Psychological Health and Traumatic Brain Injury), Dale Dye (Cpt. Ret. USMC and film actor),Gene Overstreet (12th Sgt Major of the Marine Corps), Richard Pimentel (Vietnam Veteran who brought the Americans for Disabilities Act to Congress), SFC Dana Bowman (Golden Knight amputee and motivational speaker), and James McKeachen (Silver Star Korean veteran and an actor in film and TV).

A unique film about veterans by a veteran, Soldier's Heart follows Vietnam vet Elliot as he wakes up to the present, battles long term effects of PTSD from the war and gains deeper self-acceptance through his relationships with his family, wife, and friends. As one female Navy Corpsman who was in Vietnam 1966-1969 said, “God Speed in your incredible work for those of us that are still alive in spite of our efforts to not be!” If you are a veteran (from any war) or you know a veteran, this is a must-see movie.

Writer, director and Vietnam veteran Brian is also an accomplished actor with numerous film, stage and TV credits. The genesis for Soldier’s Heart came from three events: Brian’s participation as a non-commissioned officer in the Vietnam War in 1969; the death of his father, a World War II veteran, in 1992; and, lastly, on 9/11, from having the first plane pass over him as it headed toward the World Trade Center and then seeing it hit the North Tower. After 9/11, Delate found himself “suddenly back in some dark places.” Brian’s own experience with PTSD began in the late 1970’s when he began having strange dreams and nightmares about his experience in Vietnam which led to his profound work with a counselor, a former Marine officer whom he trusted. As Brian says, “There is nothing so helpful as one veteran speaking to another veteran.”

“Soldier’s heart,” a Civil War label for the symptoms of stress related to the effects of battle became known as “shell shock” in WWI, “battle fatigue” in WWII, and, today, as PTSD. Brian feels that his film is a good starting point for any possible conversation about PTSD. After viewing the film a veteran wrote Brian that, “PTSD is the invisible wound for which there is no Purple Heart.”

This is Brian’s first feature film where he functions as a writer/director and actor. He feels Soldier’s Heart is “a love letter to veterans and their families.” Could it have been a more cathartic film? “Sure,” Brian says, “but a fellow veteran said, ‘I’m glad you made this film the way you did, since it gave me room to think about my own story.’”

Contact Brian Delate: brianmovie@verizon.net

To see the trailer for Soldier’s Heart:  www.SoldiersHeartTheMovie.com

On the GI Film Festival: www.gifilmfestival.com

DROPPING BABIES

Hindu and Muslim babies lucky enough to be born in Maharastra, India are dropped several stories for good health and good luck (as if being born in Maharastra, India weren’t good luck enough). While screaming babies free-fall from a 50-foot temple tower, Indian villagers cheer. (Please don’t confuse this celebration with the Middle Eastern Muslim response to the collapse of the World Trade Center on 9/11.) The infants crash-land in a circle of men (presumably possessing physical strength) holding a taut bed-sheet, and after the wee tykes’ first bounce or two they’re handed off to their mothers (presumably possessing emotional strength).

Villagers say no babies have been injured during this ritual, which has been going on for 500 years. I’m not sure what all the fuss is about for surely if it was dangerous they’d have stopped doing it long ago. (Please don’t confuse this behavior with that of tobacco, alcohol and fast food companies who market their products to children.)

I myself have undergone a similar experience recently, except I was 53 and it was completely voluntary. It was called a zip-line which I encountered while on a mother/daughter retreat whose emphasis was communication. It entailed climbing a very high tree, scootching around the tree trunk from the bolted handholds to a platform, sitting down on the edge of the platform, and then pushing oneself off into the wild blue yonder.

As I watched mothers and daughters go through this routine, I noticed that everyone had a different sticking point. For some it was the ascent, for others it was the scootch, and for others (including myself) it was the push-off. I thought I had it nailed since I knew I’d be tethered to a belaying line so worst-case scenario I’d just look like the klutz I was. But there was that moment, sitting on the edge of the platform, seeing the earth far below when my rational mind failed me and my primitive brain started to backpedal. It took all my will power to thrust myself off that platform, and time froze until my harness line reached its zenith and the zip-line ride began. Afterwards, I couldn’t help but compare that jump small as it was with the people who jumped from the WTC. I can’t imagine the terror that would make such a jump seem preferable, and the image of those falling bodies continues to haunt me.

VINEGAR DIETS

Periodically, my mother succumbs to the gossip rags in the check-out line and buys two (it’s always two since one is apparently not enough). Being thrifty, she passes them on to me when she’s done. Being weak-willed, I read them cover to cover (and, like the man in the Alka Seltzer commercial, always regret it). In the midst of all the mind-numbing materialism and deification of apparently brainless, surgically altered women, there was one nugget of possibly useful information that caught my eye. Fergie drinks two tablespoons of vinegar to improve her digestion and eliminate fat! Searching the Internet for elucidation, I came upon scientific research which seemed to validate the practice of consuming two tablespoons of vinegar with each meal as a way to improve health and lose weight.

I’d been wanting to shed a few extra pounds that had crept back on after reaching my lifetime goal at Weight Watchers but I just didn’t want to give anything up, and this vinegar thing looked like the easier, softer way. I decided to start my diet and my day with apple cider vinegar since it sounded the tastiest. I measured two tablespoons into a small glass and down the hatch it went. Ye gods and little fishes! It was like a comet flew into my mouth, blazed its way down my esophagus and exploded like a Fourth of July fireworks finale in my stomach. At lunch time, I convinced myself that the basalmic vinegar in my salad dressing would be sufficient for that meal. At dinner time, I thought let me give this one last try. Maybe if I take one tablespoon at a time it won’t be so bad. I never made it to the second tablespoon. After dinner, I put the vinegar away. I had every confidence in its efficacy but none at all in the fortitude of my constitution to withstand another blast of it. I guess I’ll just have to lose weight the good, old-fashioned way -- through diet and exercise. Sigh.

I’m fairly certain that a man would never drink vinegar to lose weight, and the astute reader will have observed the differences between men and women in the baby dropping described above. To sum up, here is further evidence from one of the better email chain letters I received:

13 DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

1. NAMES -- If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie,  Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara. If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

2. EATING OUT -- When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20 , even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

3. MONEY -- A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.

4. BATHROOMS -- A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor,   a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.  A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

5. ARGUMENTS -- A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

6. CATS -- Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

7. FUTURE -- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

8. SUCCESS -- A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

9. MARRIAGE -- A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

10. DRESSING UP-- A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

11. NATURAL -- Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

12. OFFSPRING -- Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY -- A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people keeping track of the same thing.