|
|
 |
THE ESSENTIAL, HEALTHY BOND BETWEEN A FATHER AND HIS DAUGHTER
AND
UNDERSTANDING A DAUGHTER'S INNATE NEED FOR HER FATHER'S UNCONDITIONAL
LOVE, ACCEPTANCE, BEING ABLE TO TRUST HIM AND FEEL SAFE, SECURE AND STABLE WITH HIM AT ALL TIMES.
Anonymous
|
|
|
A father teaches his daughter what men are and what sort of treatment she can expect from them. He gives her the
first inkling of what men will think of her.
As a child,
a daughter will vie for her father’s attention, bask in his praise, rebel against his authority, hide from his wrath,
cry over his rejection, feel warm and cozy in his arms, and enjoy his presence and "manliness."
A father’s
praise and specific comments about her intelligence, appearance and skills when it comes to just about anything are crucial
to her feeling good about her self and her sense of being feminine.
Initially,
a father is the principal transmitter of culturally-based information and attitudes about what is masculine and feminine and
gender based roles.
A daughter
must be given the tools and skills necessary for her survival in the world of tomorrow. Some of these a mother will certainly
provide, but most are provided by her father. These tools and skills are paramount
to a daughter’s self-image, safety, and self-sufficiency in the world she must grow up in.
A father must
be present; he must be capable; and he must therefore develop a plan of action for building the house of self-esteem in which
his daughter will reside. He needs a blueprint and the proper tools to help her forge her way and leave her mark on the world. Above all else however, a father must provide the foundation of unconditional love
and trust. Regardless the daughter’s shortcomings and regardless her age,
she must always be able to live her life freely knowing there is a soft, safe, place of love to land when she takes a wrong
turn in life and falls.
It is crucial
that a father’s positive, loving impact is made from the very beginning; that he seeks ways to bond with his daughter
and not just leave things to the mother. His words of advice and wisdom will ring truer if he has made the time to be with
her from day one. The diapers changed, the stories read, the games played and the hugs and kisses delivered all become deposits
in her bank account of love and acceptance. With these deposits a daughter will
grow to believe she is special in her father’s eyes. A balance of warmth, structure and discipline will provide her
with a healthy grounding for self-esteem. A father can become important either by his presence or by his absence. The choice
is his.
It is also
important to understand that the Father-Daughter bond doesn’t dissipate at a pre-appointed age, or because of some specific
purpose. It is a relationship that lasts a lifetime. Regardless the age, the father is always the father and the daughter is always the daughter. The bond and the love that exists between father and daughter is no less when the daughter is 50 than when
she was 5.
A daughter’s
sense of worth as a woman and as a person is deeply rooted in her experience with her father. She will re-enact her struggles
with her father with every man that comes into her life. The father who is absent influences his daughter to develop a craving
for approval and attention from him and from other men.
How do men
truly feel during the experience of being with their daughters? The bonding and connection, the unconditional love, the ease
of accepting and appreciating the feminine beauty of girls is a contrast to the demands he experiences in his relations with
adult females. For him, having a daughter offers a profound source of joy and pain, pride and disappointment. With his daughter
he can experience the importance of sharing what a man knows about how to survive and succeed in life. He may stress the importance
of physical strength, love of career, competition, being the best, developing tenacity, perseverance, endurance and stamina.
He can let his girl know what boys and men enjoy in a relationship and how that differs from what her mother might suggest
to her.
Fathers can
and do make a difference when it comes to parenting their daughters. If he wants to equip her with self-esteem and psychological
health, an awareness of how to achieve her potential, he will need to incorporate the information offered here in order to
accomplish his task. And, this task is a never-ending one. Loving and parenting
their daughters doesn’t end at a specific age or time. A daughter will
always look to her father as the one man in her life that will always love her unconditionally and the one man in her life
that will always be there when she needs him.
If a father
wants his daughter to be capable, talented, competent, and to feel beautiful and to believe in herself, he must value her
talents and trust her insights. And his behavior, not just his words, will be her guide.
A daughter’s
father will give her the edge she needs in order to feel self-love and the confidence necessary to meet the rigors of personal
and professional achievement head-on.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
A FATHER’S OATH TO HIS DAUGHTER
I wish to love
you unconditionally today and all the days to come, regardless of what you do, or do not do, and regardless of what you accomplish
or do not accomplish.
I wish to love and support you as you live your life, but I wish to not spare you from the lessons
in life you must learn. I wish to always be honest and truthful with you, expecting
by my example, the same from you.
I wish to not interfere with your right to grow, and will allow you to make mistakes
and to learn from them. I wish to guide you, doing my best in allowing you to find your own way, supporting your right
to privacy, and independence, doing my best never to give you reasons to be afraid, afraid of verbal or physical rage, emotional
rejection, shame, dishonor, guilt, or the threat of my withholding my love from you.
I wish you to always feel safe and unafraid in our relationship, especially unafraid of being honest with me, regardless
of the circumstance.
I wish to not ever be demeaning as you attempt to understand things you are unfamiliar with. I wish to do my best to help teach you things you do not understand. I wish to also never degrade your interests, or make fun of those activities that make you happy, unless
they are activities that could bring you or others harm.
I wish to teach you discipline and the importance of respect,
kindness and structure in your life and in relationships with others. I wish
to also utilize every opportunity to instruct, build character and teach responsibility, and assist you in finding solutions
to problems that arise in your life.
I wish to teach you that physical-beauty is secondary to inward-beauty, character,
self-respect and experiencing the true, spiritual meaning of your life. Appearance
is important, but your kindness, character, integrity and finding your own personal spiritual path and relationship with God,
are much more important.
I wish to guide
the development of your self-esteem teaching you that it is only necessary to measure-up to your own highest standards.
I wish to encourage you to take calculated risks, meet new challenges, overcome
obstacles and deal with the real world, realistically and with common-sense.
Although you will always be "my little
girl," I wish to respect you as a woman in the years to come, respecting your decisions, delighting in your successes and
helping you through your failures, as you will allow me to, and provided you are not neglecting your responsibilities.
I will always
love you unconditionally, could never be prouder or feel luckier than any other man on Earth to have had you as my daughter,
regardless of your accomplishments or failures, virtues or shortcomings. And,
as long as it is within my power, I promise that I will ALWAYS be your sanctuary
and soft place to fall should such a time become necessary.
Most importantly
and above all, this Oath, taken in God’s Holy Presence, I PROMISE NEVER to abandon you, withhold my love from you, shame
you, dishonor you or deny you as my own, for any reason.
Signed this the __________
day of ___________________ ,
______________.
Father's Signature:
__________________________________________________________
|
|
|
|
