Postcards from a Yoga Tourist 2

Note: This is a purely hypothetical writing exercise. The style of yoga described below is fictitious. And even if it weren't I couldn't be sued for slander because if the yoga personage described were real, he/she would be a public figure. )Any lawyers out there might want to give me more authorative advice.)

Yesterday I woke up with a hinky left elbow, pain in my right foot, then when I did sarvangasana I found that my right elbow was hinky, too. And this morning I noticed big bruises on my knees -- not coin-sized, more pancaked-sized. All this from a trip to the new "Power Vinyasa" studio in my town.

The studio Bloomfield is very nice although echo-y. The room was very hot. Not Bikram hot, but close.

There were 9 people -- me, two experienced Power Yoga people and 5 complete novices. What I'd call "Bloomfield girls." Teen-or-twenty-something that would differ from Madison teen-or-twenty-somethings in that their more ethnic, whether southern European ethnic or New World, closer to the equator ethnic. (As you go further south in Bloomfield it becomes more blue collar with more drift out of Newark. That's the part of town I live in.)

All with the type of bodies I've come to expect from non-athletic teen or twenty something young women: as much muscle tone like a salmon filet.

The class began with the music turned up. Loud. Not yoga music: Madonna, Kanye & other non-identifiable by me rap. Sheesh.

I tried to maintain my attention on my practice. Even while the teacher was prattling on about making the karmic choice of... if you get drunk, and you really want to call your ex-boyfriend and tell him off, do you pick up the telephone? Or you could choose to drink a lot of water and not call him.

I'm thinking "I am SO not their demographic."

But perhaps the teacher's talk about lip gloss and being our own bad selves was resonating with the newbies? It was yoga filtered through Mademoiselle magazine (or whatever 20-somethings read these days).

In any event, she led us through the quite vigorous vinyasas, many jump backs to Chaturanga (hence my hinky elbows and painful foot).

Then she had us do Bakasana, into Sirsasana II, then jumping back into Vira I.

I did not do this one, because I know I can't. I have been working on it, but I'm not there yet.

But she had the COMPLETE RAW BEGINNER NEWCOMERS try it.

I'm not watching. I'm thinking "911...911...911"

You could say that the newbies had the advantage because they didn't have the preconceived notion like me that they couldn't do the pose.

Anyway... then we did handstand... in the middle of the room. She had the newbies trying to kick up into handstand in the middle of the room.

I went to the wall... and again tried not to watch.

Then headstand -- need I say, in the middle of the room. She hauled a couple of the newbies up.

I watched a little -- all those salmon filet arms, all that kicking and flailing. ("911...911...")

Then we did Urdhva Dhanurasana. I've got to say, that pose is one that 20-somethings with salmon-filet muscles seem to be able to do pretty well (not with straight arms, of course).

I was reassured, that having gotten this far we weren't going to need to call the paramedics.

And so the class ended with Sarvangasana (no blankets, but luckily I've been practicing that way since my blanketless vacation).

I have to say I slept really good, and felt that it was good to get a little aerobic activity in my life... until I woke up with the aches and pains that reminded me that I'm no spring chicken, and that Power Vinyasa is a young person's game (until they destroy their bodies).

I'm still not sure where the bruises on my knees came from, I didn't have any hard landings. I think maybe just the aggregate force of all those jump backs broke lots of blood vessels in my knee joint & the blood rose to the surface.

Anyway -- that's the end of my report.

I feel I must add this disclaimer about Power Vinyasa Yoga: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME.