(7/30/2008) It's amazing the things that one learns by living in a dorm. For example, I had never been a Boy Scout and had never been to Boy Scout camp and knew nothing about the finer points of Scouting. Oh, as a kid I had a Boy Scout manual which I studied thoroughly. I knew how to treat a snake bite, how to translate letters into Morse code and how to build a fire without matches (at least in theory). But I knew nothing about Boy Scout etiquette. This changed one day while living in Presidents Hall.

Don Fingado and Darryl Goodman were roommates and lived on the first floor of Presidents Hall, just around the corner and down the hall from me. Oftentimes when I passed their room and if their door was open, I would stop in to chat. It was on one such occasion that one of them (not me of course) produced a most foul and malodorous fart. I can't remember who it was, anyhow one of them remarked “That was a burner” and the other gave his wholehearted agreement. All of which prompted me to inquire as to what was meant by “a burner”. Both were surprised at my lack of knowledge concerning the burning of farts. It was explained that a burned fart has no odor and for that reason fart burning is a necessary part of Boy Scout etiquette. I was asked to imagine what it would be like in a crowded lodge filled with Boy Scouts who had just finished a dinner of bacon and beans if the ensuing farts were permitted to roam freely about the room. It was pointed out that the well-mannered Boy Scott will always burn his farts under such conditions.

Then came my next question. How do you burn a fart? Don volunteered to demonstrate. He climbed into the top bunk, lay on his back and drew his knees up to his chin. Then he lit his cigarette lighter, held it just about where you would imagine and farted. This produced a blue flame six to eight inches in length and lasting for a second or less. I was quite impressed. It was further explained that this can be done in your jeans, or in just your shorts but it should never be attempted while naked. Or, as Darryl put it, “If you do try it naked you'll most likely need an aspirin for your __ __ __ burn”.