June 2007 Summer Heat

LUCKIEST MAN ALIVE
By Ryan Earle

"What are you looking at?" Lisa smiled coyly from her lounge chair.

Luke took a minute to find his voice. "I didn't think you even owned a bikini."

"I didn't. I bought it to look good for you. You do think I look good, right?" She twirled a lock of reddish-brown hair around her finger.

"Understatement of the millennium."

"Good. Besides, I figured I'd better wear one to make sure your eyes stay where they belong. On me."

She needn't have worried. True, the beach didn't lack for pretty girls, but none of them could hold a candle to Lisa, regardless of her attire. Her shapely form in a slinky cranberry bikini almost seemed unfair. Now other girls had to worry about keeping the eyes of husbands and boyfriends where they belonged.

Lisa always dressed conservative, but being on honeymoon apparently brought out the vixen in her. Like last night, when she had slipped on the shortest of miniskirts to showcase hypnotic legs. Best of all, she made no bones about doing so solely to please him. I must be the luckiest man alive.

She broke his trance by leaning over to plant a slow kiss on his lips. Batting her eyes at him over her sunglasses, she asked, "You wouldn't mind buying me a Coke, would you?"

They walked toward the concession stand, Luke's arm around Lisa's slender waist. They had to wait in line, but were too busy cuddling to care. Busy enough to not notice the line moving and people cutting around them. They also failed to see a hysterical young man running up the beach, until he tapped Luke frantically on the shoulder.

"You've got to help me!" the man cried. "My girlfriend's missing. I think she's been kidnapped!"

A million annoyed questions entered Luke's mind, such as how he knew it was a kidnapping and if so, why the guy didn’t tell a cop instead of a tourist. Before he could voice any of these, however, Lisa broke in. "Show us."

That was his bride, all right. Even on vacation she still thought like a cop. The man trotted down the beach, Lisa following. Luke stood dumbfounded for a minute, then ran to catch up.

The man led them to a pair of unoccupied lounge chairs. Identifying which had been hers was easy enough. It was neon pink, and a yellow bikini top lay facedown across it, exactly as it would be if its owner were sunbathing face down with it untied. The fact that it had been left behind was enough to suggest that, if nothing else, something unusual had transpired.

Obviously Lisa shared in his assessment. "What happened?"

"Brandi sent me to the car for more cocoa butter," the man said, panting. "When I came back, she was gone. And I found this." He picked up a smoke-colored glass bottle lying beside the lounge chair.

Lisa gingerly sniffed at the open bottle. "Chloroform," she announced. "The kidnapper's best friend."

Luke was still trying to pull himself back down to Earth. "So it was a kidnapping, then. They used that so she wouldn't struggle."

"Doesn't add up, though," Lisa said.

"Why not?"

She squatted down, the side ties of her bottom sliding off her thighs to point to the ground. "Beach is pretty crowded." Fingering the abandoned top, she looked up. "Someone would be bound to notice a man dragging off an unconscious, topless girl, don’t you think?"

"Maybe she wasn't topless, after all," the boyfriend said.

Lisa raised an eyebrow.

"She had a green t-shirt over her suit when we got here," he explained. "I don't see it anywhere, do you?"

Luke and Lisa both glanced around. "No."

"It doesn't make sense," Luke said. "What did they do, ask her politely to put a shirt on before knocking her out?"

"Something else doesn't add up." Lisa stood, a thoughtful look on her face. "What was your name again?"

"Matt Carver."

"Matt, let me ask you something. How well do you and Brandi get along?"

The man looked as if he had been slapped. "Surely you don't think I…?"

"That's not what I mean," Lisa reassured. "Just answer the question, please."

Taking a deep breath, Matt held up his hands in a gesture of helplessness. "Don't get me wrong. I love her and all, but sometimes she can be…difficult."

"How so?"

"For one thing, she always wants me to spend money I don't have. I couldn't really afford this trip, but here we are. Said it would prove my love if I gave her what she wanted. Then we get here, and she gets mad at me."

"Why?"

"She caught me checking out the scenery. Brandi's hot, but she's not the only girl here who can fill out a bikini."

Matt gazed shamelessly at Lisa to make his point. Luke grunted and took Lisa's hand possessively. To his gratification, she squeezed it right away.

"What did she say?" Lisa pressed.

"'If you really loved me, you wouldn't need to look at all these other bimbos,' stuff like that."

Lisa nodded. "She's got a point."

"Huh?"

She shrugged, then pointed. "Let's walk this way, see if we find anything."

"Which way?" Matt asked.

"Just guessing, but maybe she thinks it has something to do with those footprints," Luke quipped.

"Good call, Dr. Watson," Lisa said.

Luke had seen the dogged look on Lisa's face and knew she was onto something. The footprints led them across the beach toward the parking lot. As they approached, a petite brunette stepped out from underneath the steps. Brandi, judging from the green t-shirt and yellow bikini bottom. Her arms were crossed, and a formidable scowl covered her face. "And just who is that?" she demanded, glaring at Lisa. Then turning to Luke, she grinned flirtatiously. "And who is he?"

"My husband," Lisa retorted, sidling up to him. "Matt asked us to help find you."

"What gives?" Matt demanded.

Brandi shrugged. "I knew you'd be ogling every girl out here, so I decided to give you a little love test. See how you'd react if you thought something happened to me."

"This was staged?" Luke asked.

Brandi nodded. "You'd be amazed how hard it is to get chloroform."

"And you only did it because you thought he was paying too much attention to other women," Lisa said.

"Think about it," Brandi said, eyeing Lisa up and down. "He didn't ask an old woman in a one-piece for help, did he?"

I am so lucky Lisa's not like this, Luke thought.

"You’re crazy!" Matt shouted. "I can't believe you!"

"I had to do something to make you notice me!"

Lisa turned away, motioning for Luke to follow. "I think they deserve each other."

Slipping his arm around Lisa, Luke said, "I'm the luckiest man alive."

"Do tell."

"At least your idea of getting my attention involves a string bikini, not chloroform."

THE END

Ryan Earle is an aspiring writer and school teacher living in the southeastern United States.