For this Halloween I thought I'd dress so cool,
so I went to the costume shop out by the high school,
I suggested maybe you could sell me some fangs and a cape,
and the girl behind the counter said, "you'd be better as an ape".
I thought she was cute, so i said "want to unwrap the mummy?"
she said, "don't you wish, you big goofy dummy"
I said, "For you honey, I would dress as something scary"
she handed me a tutu and said, "Then be the sugar plum fairy"

I told her, "you know, you have got the loveliest eyes"
she said, "Oh dang it, I forgot to put away my Hitler disguise"
I asked her what her name was and she just frowned,
"Why do I always get the ones who want to be sexist clowns?"
temporarily defeated I wandered around the store for awhile,
but i couldn't forget that gorgeous hollywood smile,
among costumes of Queen Amidala and Pokemon, too,
all I could think of was looking into her lush eyes of blue.

I really tried to shop for a costume and just forget
this hot girl with the attitiude of a pissed Boba Fett
but every costume I saw in the shop displayed,
made me imagine her as a sultry French maid.
I picked up this big costume of Winnie The Pooh,
I went back to the counter and she said, "oh, it's you"
"Did you find all you wanted sir", she asked me so polite,
"Well..almost, sweet thing, but really not quite..."

"You see, I'd think you'd make a fine, young sexy witch"
She said, "All right, I've had it, you dumb son of a bitch!"
in a flash she grabbed me up by my belt and my collar,
and dragged my ass to the door with a scream and a holler.
She tossed me into the street as if this was WWF
then introduced me to her boyfriend, a giant named Jeff,
so for Halloween I'm dressing up as a bruise and a sore
and I ain't ever going back to that damn costume store...