A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

Join Trey and Blon, two girl crazy Jedi Padawans as they attempt to save Alderan High School from the most dangerous force in the universe...themselves.

A six-part not-so-epic space opera in the tradition of...well...nothing...

"STAR WARS HIGH SCHOOL"

EPISODE 1: THE PHANTOM SPINACH

     At first they thought it was a simple fire drill, but Trey Mozzarella knew something was wrong. He could feel it. It came rumbling from deep inside, like certain knowledge of something no one else knew. He grimaced as it came to him.
     His pal Blon Jello looked at him alarmed. "What is it trey? The force?"
     "No, indigestion. That dang spinach plate we had for lunch."
     "Oh."
     They filed out with the rest of the students from Alderan High school. "Man, it's colder than Thoth out here", Blon complained.
     "Oh, stop your whining", ordered Principal Obi Phobi Kenobi, coming up behind the two boys. "Back in my day we didn't have pocket blasters to keep us warm."
     Blon frowned. "Yeah, yeah, yeah...and I guess you had to walk 40 parsecs to school too."
     "Don't get smart, young Padawan. You don't want me to smack you like a sith."
     The principal walked away and the two friends looked back at the school building hoping to see a crashed asteroid sticking out the roof or maybe a reactor implosion, but sadly it was just a fire drill after all.
     "You know", Trey said, "for once I wish it wasn't a drill. We need some excitement around here." He turned to his pal. "When was the last time we had any fun?"
      "Well, we did steal Princess PaddedBra's droid and programmed it to say Skywalker's a wuss".
     "Yeah, but that was so long ago, nobody even remembers it. I mean, come on the Princess is now Queen DoubleD."
     Blon nodded. "True. So what do you want to do then?" Suddenly his attention was diverted. "Oh man, isn't that Sluttina Biggs?"
     He was looking at a voluptuous green-head in a blinking neon mini skirt who stood just a short distance away, surrounded by all her friends and entourage.
     "Yeah, but what's she doing talking to Prissy Calirissian?"
     Trey was right. The two girls couldn't have been any more different. Sluttina's revealing outfit contrasted with prissy's "let me just throw a sheet on" look. If she didn't have those big beautiful lemon eyes, she could have been mistaken for a Tusken Raider.
     Okay, it's not that she wasn't attractive. But standing next to others, she was insignificant. And Sluttina let her know it. As the boys watched, sluttina tripped up Prissy, who went sprawling on her four buttocks, as nearly the whole schoolyard erupted in laughter.
     Trey couldn't take this. He started forward, a trace of anger flashing in his eyes.
      Wham! Someone came up behind him, and pushed him aside as they breezed past. "Out of the way, Pudawan", a deep voice snarled. He'd been shoved by none other than Grand Smok Parka, the toughest bully at Alderan High.
     Blon came to his friend's defense (sort of). "Hey Smok, watch where you're going!"
     Smok turned on him. "Blon Jelo, you ugly little roach, your mama bred with a jawa and your daddy was a ..."
     He stopped as if he had lost the thought or was trying to figure out a tough equation.
     "...a jawa", Blon finished for him.
     "Yeah, that's right", Smok haughtily agreed.
      "Well at least I'm not the one whose breath smells like Bantha Poodoo..." "Why you little...", smok lunged at Blon.
     Blon sidestepped and drew his light saber. This got all the other kids attention real quick. There hadn't been a saber fight all week. Suddenly there was silence. All eyes were on Blon. He grinned.
     "Prepare to die, Imperial dumbass!" He flicked the switch. A feeble beam of white light came from the end.
      "Uh, Blon", Trey asked, "what are you doing with my dad's flashlight?"
      "Huh?" Blon looked in his hand. "Damn..." he mumbled, realizing it was just a flashlight after all.
      Smok punched him and Blon went down. Trey threw himself over his friend to protect him.
      "We don't want any more trouble!"
     Smok laughed. "You're nothing but a bunch of sissies."
     Trey stared at him with a hard, concentrated look. "We are not a bunch of sissies."
     Smok stopped laughing. "You are not a bunch of sissies."
     "We are fierce warriors of the galaxy."
     "You are fierce warriors of the galaxy."
      "Babes want to get busy with us."
      "Babes want to get busy with you guys."
     Suddenly there was a squeal as nearly every schoolgirl surged towards Trey and Blon.
      "Oops", Trey mumbled, "I have to work on these Jedi mind tricks..."
     Smok Parka was completely ignored as the entire female student body of Alderan High attempted to kiss Trey and Blon. Even Sluttina hurled her affections at Blon who began to feel The Force rising within him.
     "Trey, I don't think I can control my emotions", confessed the assaulted Blon. "Do you think Master Soda would mind?"
     Trey couldn't answer buried under the weight of 14 girls, who were all trying to get a peak at his Jedi talents.
     Sluttina exclaimed, "my, The Force is pretty big", and that's when Master Friendu Lace showed up and ruined the whole day.
     "Trey, Blon, in my office now! Ladies, to your dormitories! Smok, go kiss a wookie!"

END OF EPISODE 1

LOOK FOR TREY AND BLON TO RETURN IN "EPISODE 2 : ATTACK OF THE STONES"...

Note: No Clones were harmed in the writing of this chapter... and if they were it doesn't matter. Many more where they came from...