A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

Join Trey and Blon, two girl crazy Jedi Padawans as they attempt to save Alderan High School from the most dangerous force in the universe...themselves.

A six-part not-so-epic space opera in the tradition of...well...nothing...

"STAR WARS HIGH SCHOOL"

EPISODE 2: ATTACK OF THE STONES

     In Friendu Lace's office, the boys were nervous. They'd never been there before, inside the inner sanctum of the great Jedi Master and one time grocery clerk.
     "We have a problem, young padawans."
     "Yeah", said Blon, "we're really sorry about the ruckus we caused."
      "Not that problem. There is something more serious than that." He stared hard at the boys. "The school is about to be invaded by the granddaddies of all villains. They have been into everything from deathsticks to using mind tricks to coax women into thinking they are desirable."
     "I thought we weren't the problem", said Blon.
     "No, not you young Jello, these villains are foul and loud and have left their mark in every province they have been to. The council had hoped they'd gone into retirement for real this time, but they will not go away quietly it seems."
     "Oh my", said Trey. "They must be pretty bad. Just who are these villainous dogs?"
     "The Rolling Stones."
     The boys gasped. "Oh no, not Lord Jagger", exclaimed Trey.
     "Keith the Richard", added Blon, shuddering at the thought. "Yes boys, it's true. They are coming to Alderan. "
      "I wonder if they found out I scalped those tickets on their "Tatooine You" tour", gulped Blon.
     Friendu ignored him, and continued. "What I need from you boys is for you to protect The Stones while they are here."
      "Protect? What would you want to do that for? The Beatles are so much better. Can't we protect them instead?"
      "Hush Padawan learner, listen to what The Force tells you to do."
     "The Force tells me to climb into a darkened locker with Sluttina Biggs", insisted Blon.
     Friendu rolled his eyes. "Sometimes I wonder if the Midiclorian chart is mistaken", he mumbled. "Now, go out to the landing pad. They should be arriving any minute. Remember your job is to protect. Is that clear?"
      "Yes, master."
     "Yes, master."

     On the landing pad, they stood waiting. A small ferry ship with a big pair of lips and dangling tongue painted on the side landed. The door hissed open and just as The Stones emerged, laser fire came from a dark corner of the hangar.
     The two boys sprang into action...in other words, they hid behind a crate of recycled droid parts.
     As The Stones dodged back into the ship, two assassins stepped into the light.
      "Tuba Fett", gasped Trey.
      "Speedo", echoed Blon.
     Tuba Fett, the most feared bounty hunter this side of Wal-Mart, and Speedo, the legendary gunman otherwise known as "grassy knoll", for his brilliant shape shifting abilities. (I mean, like who could ever forget his role in the JFK hit?).
     Tuba spotted the boys and promptly raised his middle finger in a classic gesture of defiance. This was actually hard for him to do because he only had two fingers, so which one was the middle?
      "Oh no, he just didn't", exclaimed Blon, jumping up from his not very good hiding spot. "Hey bucket head!"
     Tuba turned in Blon's direction. He was armed with a portable cranium cannon.
     "Oh okay, I'm sorry, my bad", exclaimed the padawan as he ducked back for cover. "I think he wants to kill us, Trey."
     "No, they are after The Stones."
     "Well we have to do something."
      "I know we do."
     There was a moment of silence between them.
      "Play you a game of chess?"
     "Cool. Let's go,"
     They left the hangar just as Tuba and Speedo captured the Stones vessel and forced them to listen to the wretched cover of "can't get no satisfaction" by Britney Spears. Soon, the aging rockers fell under the weight of selling out and were condemned for letting a former Mickey Mouse Club member kill rock n' roll...But that's another story altogether.

     As Trey and Blon walked across the compound to find a chess set, they both seemed lost in thought.
     "I wonder what would have happened had Christina Aguilera sang "I can't get no satisfaction" instead?"
     "From the way she dresses, I'd bet she does get satisfaction", offered Blon.
     Suddenly ten battle droids surrounded them.
      "Okay, I was just kidding."
     The battle droids marched them off and they knew exactly where they were going...right back to Friendu's office.

END OF EPISODE 2

LOOK FOR TREY AND BLON TO RETURN IN "EPISODE 3"

Note: Christina Aguilera refused to be interviewed in regards to this chapter, However Britney did say she was not yet a woman...Go figure...

"Star Wars High School" was written by Paul D. Aronson, who actually likes The Stones...but not more than The Beatles. PS., Thanks to Zoe Richardson for the "Tatooine You" tour idea. :)