A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

Join Trey and Blon, two girl crazy Jedi Padawans as they attempt to save Alderan High School from the most dangerous force in the universe...themselves.

A six-part not-so-epic space opera in the tradition of...well...nothing...

"STAR WARS HIGH SCHOOL"

EPISODE 3: THE LUCAS MANUEVER

     "Well idiots, it looks like you made a mess of things again". Friendu was angry. "Thanks to you The Stones have been replaced by The A-teens."
      "Well, what's wrong with that? Marie is hot..."
     "I'll tell you what's wrong! At this rate you'll get out of school about the same time the twelve suns of the farthest planet are in alignment!"
      "That soon", asked Blon.
     "Hey wait a minute, this is a test, right? Let's see. Twelve times fifteen parsecs equals..."
     "QUIET!"
     They hushed at the master's outburst.
      "Since you can't do anything right, I've assigned to you a special student who will hopefully push you in the right direction."
     The door opened.
     "Lads, meet Dum-Dum Stinx."
     "Aw man, not another gungan", complained trey.
     The boys were clearly disappointed, but it was obvious Friendu was not.
      The new student spoke. "Helwo youz guyz."
     The boys rolled their eyes. This was going to be worse than they thought.

     The three of them sat in class. The instructor, a funky lobster-looking admiral, was giving the lesson.
     "Class, today we will learn how to defend yourself against an assailant who has more arms than you."
     Trey wasn't listening. He was staring at Lola Tunglok's tail as it swished back and forth in her seat.
     "Man", he thought, "what a tail. I'd love to just touch it..."
     Lola turned around and grinned, flashing her eight eyes in his direction. Oops, guess he wasn't just thinking it after all...
     Suddenly there was a shout of "Hey" and Trey turned around in his seat. A couple of rows back Blon was in trouble. A girl with nine tentacles stood with her suckers on her hips. Trey could tell she wasn't happy either. Her face had turned red as a nuclear reactor core.
      "Teacher", she said, pointing at Blon, "He touched my tentacles in an inappropriate manner."
      "Blon", the teacher scolded, waving a claw at him, "you keep your hands to yourself. You have a tentacle of your own to play with."........
     A couple of the kids in class giggled.
     "Probably a bit smaller though", the teacher added as an afterthought, and the whole class erupted in waves of laughter. The tentacled girl sat back down, smiling smugly.
     "Hello Trey", someone breathed in trey's ear. He spun back around, returning his attention to the front, only to be looking straight into Lola's beautiful baby poop colored eyes.
      "Hi Lola", he stammered.
     "Were you staring at my tail?"
      "Uh...no...I wasn't", he replied.
      She smiled, unconvinced. "Would you take me to the Federation Homecoming dance, trey?"
      "Uh, well I kind of promised..."
     She frowned in mock disappointment. "Guess I'll have to go with Panakin Testosterone then..." and she sat back down in her chair, tail swishing back and forth again.
     Trey could have kicked himself. You handled that pretty badly, he thought to himself. She'd probably go tell all her friends that he didn't like girls. ..Or at least ones with four pairs of baby poop eyes.
     All of a sudden the door burst open and in walked a figure feared by all in the very galaxies. The very one who held life and death over their heads. With a mere glance he could render them gone forever.
      "George Lucas", cried Lola loudly.
     He looked at her, pulled out a script, and erased her from the page. Poof, she was gone.
      "Damn, I liked her, too", whined Trey.
     Lucas glared at him.
     Quickly he changed his tune. "But not much... Just a little... not hardly even a small portion...Man, that girl was weird!"
      Lucas grinned and left the room. Whew, came the collective sigh of relief.
      "That was close", said Blon. "I thought we'd be like Darth Maul any minute. Here today, two hours later cut in half."
      Suddenly they realized something. Dum Dum was gone. Lucas had erased him too.
      "Man, I love Lucasfilms", sighed trey.
     "Tell me about it", echoed Blon. "Hey let's go start a food fight in the cantina..."

END OF EPISODE 3

LOOK FOR TREY AND BLON TO RETURN IN "EPISODE 4: A NEW DOPE"...

Note: George Lucas doesn't like me....

"Star Wars High School" was written by Paul D. Aronson, who apologizes that this episode was so short and lacking in action...see good things do happen....