WEEKEND At ROBERT'S

By Karen Harris

Patti has asked me to write my account of
" Our Weekend at Robert’s" so I will try to remember all the wonderful things we talked about. Although my brain is a little fuzzy right now, as it is two weeks later and I am still recovering from some exotic illness I picked up in the wilds of California.

Let’s see, where to begin......
My vacations always contain an element of surprise. No matter how carefully I plan, confirm, double-check, or schedule something goes awry. This time it began at the very beginning of the trip. Since I was too chea...., er, thrifty to leave my car in the Park and Bake lot six miles from the airport I left if with my best friend, Becky, who lives a few miles away from the airport. The trade-off? Becky would have to get me to the airport three hours early. Not a problem, I always have a book to pass the time.

As I watched Becky pull away from the curb, the skycap informed me my flight to Houston had been cancelled. With a worried look on his face he told me I had better get in line in the Continental queue, as he didn’t know what they were doing with the passengers scheduled for that flight. I soon found out. We were being put on an earlier flight, boarding at that very moment. So I ran to the gate and had the distinction of being the last person on the plane. As I endured the hostile stares of the other passengers I found my seat and thought, "Well, this HAS to be the worst that can happen on this trip!" As usual, I spoke too soon.

I actually arrived in LA 20 minutes earlier than my original flight and was waiting for Patti when she walked in the door. Patti had a few errands to run at the mall, and since my only food intake had been delightful, tasty, yummy airline fare we decided to grab a bite to eat at the mall as well. BIG mistake, huge.

The next day, Friday, we had planned on going to Disneyland. Patti had arranged to keep the kids out of school and they were over the moon with excitement. Susie, the HCTB fan club president, was going to come with us. I was looking forward to seeing her again and hearing about the Get Together. (The three of us had met for the first time in Seattle last May at the Mercer Girls reunion. We had a terrific time with Peri as our tour guide.) But, the Karen Harris vacation curse reared its evil head. Patti woke up Friday feeling lousy. During the course of the morning it became evident we weren’t going anywhere. Patti had a first class case of food poisoning. Only my distaste for mushrooms had saved me from the same fate. Friday consisted of watching Patti trek back and forth from the bedroom to the bathroom while I tried to bond with the kids. I think we did a pretty good job. As long as kids don’t want to play with matches, drink oven cleaner, or play chicken with traffic I am pretty flexible. We played very competitive and heated games of Monopoly Jr. and Kaboom. (Of course I let them win.)

By Saturday Patti was feeling a little better, but still afraid to eat. I was getting a little nervous. I mean, I had come 3,000 miles, was closer to meeting Robert Brown than I had ever been before, and now a few rotten mushrooms were going to stand between us? Ha! I don’t think so. We packed the computer, threw in our overnight bags (not sure if we would decide to stay in an hotel room for the night, as I had hoped to meet a friend in a neighboring town for lunch, but never received a reply) and hit the highway. Or freeway, as you call them here on the left coast.

Soon we left the smog and haze of the big city behind and the scenery became, well, more scenic. Patti had printed out directions to Robert’s house on MapQuest. Without going into lots of detail I will just advise you to use AAA or Expedia or a five year old on the street, anything other than MapQuest. We were supposed to meet Robert at noon at an Italian restaurant. We rolled into his town about 45 minutes early, feeling pretty proud of ourselves and decided to look around, maybe even try to find Robert’s house on our own. Once again, I will spare you the details. Suffice it to say that we took a very nice leisurely drive through the forest. Robert didn’t live there. We ended up asking for directions at McDonalds. We arrived at the restaurant thirty minutes late. Patti was saying she hoped he wasn’t waiting on us, but boy, did I have news for her. The first thing I saw was Robert standing by his car, probably thinking we were never going to arrive. Before Patti could bring the car to a complete stop he had stuck his hand in my window and introduced himself. I’m really not sure if I told him my name. (I had always told people there was no way I could meet Robert without stammering like Jeremy Bolt, but when it comes right down to it I can stay pretty calm and collected.) I probably didn’t tell him my name, as I spent the whole weekend waiting to hear him say "Karen" in that knee-weakening, muscle melting, heart stopping voice of his, but I never did. He probably kept wondering who the heck was I!

We went inside the restaurant to order takeout and chat while we waited. I have absolutely no idea what we talked about! When the food was ready we followed Robert home. (Sort of like little puppies trailing after their master.) I’m glad he knew the way, because I don’t think I could ever find the place again without a trail of bread crumbs to follow.

What can I tell you about Robert’s house? It is a marvelous house, open and airy, with lots of windows and wood and a magnificent panoramic view. The house is very comfortable, it’s a "lived-in" house, full of beautiful antiques and more books than my local library. It’s the kind of house I could enjoy living in (Robert, if you ever need a house sitter, just call! I could sit on that lovely deck and read from dawn till dusk.)

We ate our lunch on the deck. It was a beautiful afternoon, sunny and warm with none of the sticky humidity I know so well. Robert is a charming host. In the distance we could see hang gliders drifting lazily through the sky. Espresso, Robert and Elisse’s adorable Silky Terrier, was snoozing in the sun. What a perfect lunch. (Elisse was not able to join us for lunch, she was overseeing some work being done on their new home.)

The first thing we talked about, believe it or not, was thyroid medication. We discovered we all take the same medication. I have had a problem since I was 18. Patti has had a condition for a few years and Robert just recently was diagnosed. I have a scar that I used to be self conscious about, but I got over that pretty fast. The scar reminds me I am alive. I prefer that to the alternative.

After lunch, we went inside to hook up the computer. Good thing Patti had me along! She had still been feeling pretty rotten when her husband gave us the directions on how to put it back together. So actually you all can thank me for the chat. Without my technical expertise Patti would still be trying to figure what went where and why. (Just kidding!)

While the computer was booting up and I was praying it wouldn’t explode Robert was showing Patti some pictures he had dredged up from the dark depths of the mysterious basement. I was trying to listen to him and watch the computer at the same time. Finally said forget the computer and went to look at the photos can you blame me? Robert is one of those men who just keep getting better looking every year. How do they do that? I remind myself that he was older than I am now when he portrayed Jason Bolt, and it makes me nauseous.

It took forever to find a screen name for Robert. We tried dozens of names and places and nicknames. We finally had to settle for the somewhat formal "MrJBolt". Robert was a total stranger to the world of computers and was amazed at everything happening. Patti and I tried to prepare him as to what to expect, but it’s hard to explain. You have to actually see it for yourself. Robert was very excited and maybe a mite nervous. He told me earlier he had been looking forward to this all day. So, we all took a deep breath and entered "Lottie’s Saloon".

The screen started scrolling faster than we could keep up. Even Patti’s nimble fingers were having difficulty. What the chatters couldn’t see on their end was how overwhelming it all was. To all of us, not just Robert. Robert tried to answer all the questions he saw, but they were coming fast and furious. Now this may come as a shock to some of you, but Robert does not answer questions with a "yes" or "no". He tells stories. Marvelous, wonderful, captivating stories. Patti had to condense those stories into a few words. There was supposed to have been a fifteen minute break between the chats for Patti to rest her fingers and us to well, do whatever, get water, etc. But Robert was having so much fun the chat went on until the last possible moment. We finally had to leave because people were waiting in the "Bolt’s Cabin".

We decided to try to give everyone equal opportunity in the second chat. Everyone would ask a question and then it would turn into a free for all. This went much smoother, for all of us. (Editors note: Karen was keeper of the list for the people in the chat. She started at the top and went down the list screen name by screen name telling me to when to invite the next person in line to ask a question. When Karen made a comment about something that was said in the chat, Robert told her teasingly, "YOU be quiet and read your list!" LOL) Patti was able to keep up and Robert had time to think about his answers and phrase them the way he wanted Patti to type them. When the second chat was over we were tired, but happy. I truly believe Robert enjoyed his foray into the Internet.

Patti showed him his web page, which he had not seen (on line----he receives printouts of it) prior to that evening. He also looked at Bridget’s web page. We also showed him and Elisse some of the sites we had found that mentioned Elisse and her paintings. Patti offered to do a web page for Elisse and link it from Robert’s page. Watch for that in the very near future.

By now it was about 6:45 PM. Robert and Elisse graciously invited us to stay for dinner. So, of course we did. It would have been most impolite to decline, no? So, Elisse drove into town to pick up some food and Patti and I were alone with Robert. A rather nice place to be. Patti asked him if the kilt he wore as Jason belonged to him and if he still had it. Yes, and he does. Patti asked him to go put it on. He smiled rather broadly and told HER to go put it on! He showed us the piece that is worn over the kilt, I’m sorry to say I don’t remember what it is called. It has been in his family for a long time.

Robert told us he had a lot of pictures and memorabilia down in the basement and Patti and I eagerly offered to go fetch it. Alas, he was worried about us getting hurt. Probably the only way we would have been hurt would have been in our haste to get there, or pushing each other out of the way to be first!

Elisse returned and was starting to prepare dinner. Robert asked if we would like to see the voiceover video he recently recorded for Eureka vacuum cleaners. Is rain wet? The television is in Robert and Elisse’s bedroom, and he invited Patti and I sit in these wonderful Italian leather chairs. We were alone for a moment while he went to do something and Patti and I looked at each other and squealed "Oh my God, we’re in Robert’s bedroom!" I’m sure Patti is going to edit this part. (Editor's note: Ha! I left it in!) But our maturity returned in the nick of time and no one was the wiser (until now).
Dinner was superb. Elisse is a very good cook. She made soup from tomatoes, peppers, carrots, and um, something else that looks like celery but tastes like licorice. Sort of. The soup was great, and I ate every drop! We also had baked chicken, potatoes, and salad. I think we were all drinking cranberry juice, although Elisse may have had a glass of wine. I think Robert called me a virgin because I have never drunk alcohol. Being raised in a strict Southern Baptist family, the only sin worse than drinking was divorce. Robert told us delightful stories, however we are not at liberty to repeat them. Sorry, we promised. We discussed marriages, his and mine. Not ours. You know what I mean. We talked a little bit about Carroll O’Connor’s son, Hugh. I was married to a drug addict for seven long years. It’s a very difficult thing. Drugs kill. There is no such thing as casual or recreational drug use. They are addictive and they will destroy you. (Climbing off my soapbox now) Patti told me someone told her we shouldn’t discuss politics, religion, or ex-spouses. Ha! We touched on all three and no fistfights or ugly scenes occurred. The only thing I can say with certainty is that I talked way too much. Robert was amazed that Patti and I had "met" over the Internet and this was only our second time meeting face to face.

After dinner Robert insisted we stay over as it was too late to be heading back to Los Angeles or anywhere else. How could we refuse? We slept in a room Robert uses as his study. There are thousands of books, everywhere. I kept thinking that if there was an earthquake in the middle of the night we would be buried underneath all those books and it would take days to dig us out. I also thought how wonderful to be surrounded by all those books! It reminded me of a "Twilight Zone" episode, where a bank teller who hates people but loves books survives the end of the world because he had gone to the vault to be alone to read. After the bomb, he discovered the remains of the Public Library and was thrilled that he could read every book he had ever dreamed of reading and there were no other people around to interrupt. Tragically, a stack of books falls on his glasses, and he can’t see. Surrounded by all those books, without the ability to read them. That part was played by Burgess Meredith, a very close friend of Roberts’.

The books didn’t fall on us but Patti and I were awake for quite a while with a case of schoolgirl giggles. We were afraid Robert and Elisse would hear us. The harder we tried to be quiet, the louder we giggled. Finally we fell asleep. It was so quiet. It seemed unnaturally quiet. No traffic, no streetlights, no sirens. Heavenly!

The next morning Patti and I were up before our hosts. We went out on the deck to enjoy the beautiful surroundings and the cool morning air. Elisse joined us shortly and asked if we would like to take a walk with her and Espresso. Elisse is a lovely woman. I enjoyed talking with her very much. She told us a bit about living in Italy and also about the house she and Robert are restoring. They enjoy a very happy, peaceful life.

For breakfast we had cantaloupe. Elisse had picked us some persimmons to take home with us. Robert was going to fix eggs, but neither of us were that hungry. He did make some coffee that he promised was the best there was, but alas, I am a non-coffee drinker. (Editor's note: I drank some, it was very tasty!) I’ll take his word for it though. During breakfast Robert pointed out some of the antiques in his home. To me an antique is something older than I am. I collect Pyrex relish dishes from the 1950’s and 1960’s. Robert and Elisse collect antiques that ate HUNDREDS of years old.

Patti’s most memorable moment came during breakfast when she asked Elisse if she knew Scott Bakula. Turns out Elisse used to teach art to his daughter. Well, I thought Miss Patti was going to faint. Her cheeks turned nice and pink and she was practically speechless. She blubbered to Elisse to tell her everything she knew about him.... Elisse said all she could recall was that he was good-looking. Aw Patti, you know I am exaggerating, don’t you? Besides, it’s not like I have ever had that kind of crush on anyone. I’m right there with you! Oh by the way, for those of you who have never seen Patti, Robert says she reminds him of Eileen Brennan (who played in "Private Benjamin"). Seems she has those classic Irish looks, green eyes, dark hair, and high cheekbones. I don’t remind him of anyone. That’s okay, I’m not offended, truly, even though my grandfather was born in Ireland and my maiden name is Kennedy. For those of you who have never seen me I look like a German housefrau.

During breakfast we also learned of Robert’s meeting with Ernest Hemingway and some of the other fascinating people he has crossed paths with.

Sadly, breakfast was over all too soon and we had to leave. We went out to the yard and took a few pictures, you know I am a sucker for pictures, I love to have them but I am always too embarrassed to ask. We thanked them profusely, said our farewells, and were rewarded with a kiss on the cheek from Robert.

I hope Robert realizes what a special weekend Patti and I had. I wish I asked more questions, wish Robert would have told more stories, wish we had talked more with Elisse. Isn’t there a saying....something about if wishes were horses....I don’t recall the rest. I am grateful Patti provided the opportunity to meet Robert. I am thrilled he agreed to host the chat it. I am sad the time passed so swiftly. And I am touched forever by a very brief meeting with these two wonderful people.