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Setting the Context
The challenge: Regulating our emotions
Socialization
requires regulating our emotions
Emotion-regulation
occurs in the frontal lobes
Two problematic temperamental types:
Externalizing
These children wear their emotions on their
sleeves
Their actions are disruptive and aggressive
Internalizing
These children hold back too much
They appear timid and insecure
They often look anxious or depressed
Emotional Regulation
Self Understanding
As children enter concrete operations at age 7 or 8:
They learn
to understand inner states
They look
beyond immediate surface appearances
They fully
understand that others have different views
They realize
we are not the center of the universe
Although, they do not all mature at the
same rate
Learning Emotional Display Rules
Personality
Self-awareness is our ability to reflect on (think about and
analyze) ourselves.
Gardner’s
Intrapersonal Intelligence
From ages
3 to 7 children shift from:
the external-fact-oriented self to internal
psychological self
Global (All Great) self to a Multidimensional
realistic self
“It’s just me in the world self” to
“me compared to others”
Self-esteem is the tendency to feel good or bad about oneself.
This tendency
becomes a major issue during elementary school
Self-esteem
appears to decline in early elementary school as children begin to rate themselves against their classmates
Childhood:
Socioemotional Development
Personality
How do we rate ourselves?
Concrete operations
gives us the ability to serialize:
Now we can place ourselves and others in
a hierarchy.
We compare ourselves to others and feel
inferior/superior.
We realize that we rise and fall differently
in different areas.
In individualistic cultures, researchers find the areas
of: scholastics, behavioral conduct, athletic skills, peer likeability, physical attractiveness.
Children in communal cultures do not appear to have
the same areas of concern.
Feelings of inferiority can make us strive
harder or give up.
Erikson’s Industry (striving for a goal) vs. inferiority
stage
It is the area children hold valuable that
reflects self-worth.
We need to teach children to accentuate
their positives and minimize their negatives.
Self-esteem Distortions
Excessively high self-esteem
Children with
externalizing tendencies report high self-esteem with the position, “I’m fine. It’s their problem.”
With this attitude, they will have trouble
improving or donft see a need to improve.
Excessively low self-esteem
Children with
internalizing tendencies tend to be overly self critical.
They see criticism
where none was intended.
They are at
risk of developing learned helplessness.
They believe nothing they do works and
will stop trying.
Again, with this attitude they will have trouble improving
Realism
Promoting realistic self-esteem
Creating the
proper person environment fit
We canft simply tell a child they are
terrific
The child’s view of themselves must be anchored
in reality
To promote
positive self-esteem we must:
Enhance self-efficacy
support the “I can do it” feelings
Promote a realistic perception of themselves
Promoting Self-esteem
Enhance self-efficacy
Use Vygotsky's
scaffolding approach
Find the child’s
expertise and build from there
Move at the
child’s speed and reinforce results
Change the
environment if necessary
Don’t
expect all children to fit in the same mold
Promote a realistic perception of themselves
Give lots
of love and a can-do attitude!
Use Rational-emotive
concepts to get them to evaluate themselves positively in specific terms rather than defining themselves in global statements.
Concentrate on positives!
In some cases,
the child’s negatives will have to evaluated.
Cultural Aspects of Esteem
Self-Esteem, Asian style
Western self-esteem
is inherently individualistic; pride in self-confidence and personal success.
By comparison,
in communal cultures compared to Western norms:
They describe themselves with lower self-esteem
They place more emphasis on harmony
People try more to fit in with the group
Communal societies play down the differences
between people
Societal norms play a role in the development
of personality
Prosocial Behavior
Doing good
Normal helpful
and self-sacrificing behavior
Prosocial
behavior ranges from self-sacrifice to daily helpful tasks
Behavior can be evident in preschool; sharing
toys
Early prosocial behavior correlates to
the same in older age
One type of
pro-social behavior - altruistic behavior - is done without requiring a reward for oneself.
Cultural variations/varying motivations
In China,
it is expected that you will not own up to good deeds.
In some countries,
prosocial behavior toward your family is the expected norm.
Altruism
Decoding altruism
Altruism involves:
empathy and sympathy for another
Empathy - feeling the emotions of another
Once we feel
empathy, we use the frontal lobes to determine what altruistic act we will perform.
Sympathy - feeling upset for a person; necessary for acting prosocially.
The act we
choose will be tied to our self-efficacy.
Those with
low self-confidence will perform less altruistic acts.
Genetics and
secure attachment correlate to prosocial behavior.
Prosocial Behavior
Aggression
Doing Harm
Aggression
is the intent to do harm to another.
Developmental
changes
Aggression appears early in life and peaks
at years 2 or 3; they are being disciplined but canft control their actions.
At 4 and 5, as the frontal lobes comegon-line,h
we can regulate our emotions and understand the adult rules, so aggression declines.
By age 8, aggression centers on self-esteem
and the ego.
Some children are born with the wrong genes and raised in the
wrong environment.
They are hurting
kids and are hard to raise.
We shall see
the parents play a role in developing an aggressive child.
Categorizing Aggression
Types of Aggression:
Motive as an operator
Instrumental
aggression
Actively initiated to achieve a goal
Reactive Aggression
Made in response to being hurt, threatened,
or deprived
Form as an operator
Direct aggression
A form of hostile aggression
Hostile acts directed at an individual as opposed to
– Indirect, hurting someone through another.
Relational
Aggression
Done to destroy self-esteem
Most common among girls
Aggressive Children
Understanding highly aggressive children
The “Frustration
Aggression Hypothesis” says that when humans are thwarted or frustrated they are biologically programmed to respond
aggressively.
However, while their peer’s aggressive tendencies are decreasing,
a small percentage of children maintain high levels of aggression in elementary school.
They are labeled
with externalizing disorders.
They are classified
as “out-of-control” and “defiant.”
There is a
two step pathway to produce these children.
Pathway to Aggression
The path to producing problem aggression:
Highly active,
exuberant children are hard to control
Step 1: harshly disciplining an exuberant
toddler
Parents try shame by screaming and spanking
Parents do not use induction techniques
Step 2: peer and teacher rejection in school
By kindergarten, children can clearly label peers as
“avoid”
Peer rejection is a stress that amplifies the hostility
A Hostile Worldview
Highly aggressive kids tend to think differently.
The information
processing model of social cognition
Children decide what has happened
They process alternatives
They select a response
Aggressive
children have a “hostile attributional bias”
Seeing other peoplefs motives as hostile
when they are not
Aggressive
children are prone to hostile acts
When choosing a response, they pick aggressive
ones
Aggressive responses lead to a more hostile
world
Delinquency
Boys are more likely to be labeled aggressive with externalizing
problems than girls
Boys are more
likely to be exuberant children
Boys have
more trouble regulating emotions
This is not confined to the United States
Researchers
observed children in four other countries
In each society,
boys were more aggressive than girls
And the research shows:
High levels
of aggression in elementary school leads to delinquency during the teenage years.
Children perform both hurting and caring acts. How do we help
them develop a prosocial self?
Socializing the Child
Socializing a prosocial self for caring acts
Rewarding
pro-social behavior does NOT work
Induction
is actively scaffolding moral learning
(both good and bad behavior)
Say,gYou are a caring person!h rather
than,gThat was nice!h
Praise good behavior and connect it to
internal states
Socializing a prosocial self for hurting acts
When the child
does something bad, use induction
Help the child
internalize the act and feel the other’s pain and develop guilt (not shame)
gCan you imagine how Bobby feels? Would
you like to feel that way? How can you make Bobby feel better?h = guilt
gLook what you did to Bobby. You are so
bad.h = shame
Shame Versus Guilt
Shame occurs when we are humiliated
Shame makes
us want to retreat from the world
Shame makes
us want to withdraw from people
Shamed people
get angry and want to strike back
Shame diminishes
people
Guilt occurs when we break a moral standard or when we hurt another
individual
Guilty people
feel bad about what they have done
Guilty people
want to apologize and make amends
Guilt enlarges
people
Producing Prosocial Children
Pay attention to kind behaviors. When a child has done something
caring and kind, tell them that s/he is “really a caring person.”
connect the act to the childfs internal
states
Rewarding behavior does not work. Avoid giving presents or
special privileges for pro-social acts. Use induction.
praise the child effusively and point out
the positive impact of the behavior
When the child has hurt another person (including the parents)
use induction. Clearly point out the moral issue, and alert him/her to how the other person must feel.
Build guilt - NOT shame
Producing Prosocial Children
Avoid teasing and shaming. When the child has done something
wrong tell him/her you are disappointed and give the child the chance to make amends.
Making amends alleviates the guilt and
teaches responsibility.
Don’t feel you have fulfilled your responsibility to create
prosocial kids by having a child participate in school or church drives to help the unfortunate. Morality isn’t magically
learned on Sunday. It must be taught in an ongoing way during day to day life.
Relationships
Play
There are
many types of play.
Rough and tumble play
shoving and wrestling - mostly boy oriented behavior
Fantasy Play – separating from reality
it can include rough and tumble play.
Relationships
The Development and Decline of Pretending
One-year-olds
initiate fantasy play, but need adults to continue the fantasy and scaffold the ideas
Collaborative
pretend play begins around age 3
Fantasy play with another is very strong
at age 4
It requires a theory of mind
It helps teach us how to get along with
other minds
Fantasy play promotes interests that extend
into adulthood
Play
Scanning the global scene
If children
have the TIME - fantasy play develops
Some cultures
do not see the value of fantasy play
The Purpose of Pretending
Play teaches
relationship lessons
It can help
to teach constancy of identity
Play allows
children to practice adult roles
It allows
children to take control in their fantasy
Play furthers
understanding of social norms
Play
Helping children through play
It can be
a window into a child’s thinking
It can show
possible future problems
It can be
used to communicate
Play segregation
When does
gender segregated play develop?
In the toddler years, everyone plays together
By about age 3, gender segregation begins
In elementary school, only about 25% of
play is with the opposite sex
Parallel Play
Cooperative Play
Cooperative Physical Play
Functional Play
Play Styles
Boy & Girl Styles
Boys:
Boys run around
like mad men in a hierarchy
Boy groups
are larger than girl groups
Play resembles
super hero, warrior modes
Girls:
Girls are
more sedated in a collaborative effort
Girls can
span the gender gap – play with trucks
Girl play
involves nurturing themes
This separation of play comes from three things:
Biology, socialization,
and inner thoughts
Parallel Constructive Play
Parallel Functional Play
Cooperative Physical Play
Cooperative Fantasy Play
Differences in Mothers’ and Fathers’ Style of Play
Effects of Biology
A biological underpinning
Evidence from
around the world indicates genes are at work in determining play patterns
Experiments
with Rhesus monkeys show they play exactly like human children
Female rhesus fetuses exposed to testosterone
grow up acting more masculine in their play
Studies indicate
that females exposed to testosterone in vitro act more masculine even into their adult years
Gender Segregation
Gender Segregation
Effects of Socialization
The amplifying effect of socialization
Parents treat
their children differently
Induction with girls; power assertion with
boys
Specific toys
evoke specific orientation behavior
Gender stereotypic
behavior increases in segregation
Popular children
are more stereotypical in behavior
The impact of thinking
Gender schema theory says that once children know
what sex they are, they watch and model the behavior of that sex
This behavior
starts as early as 2.5 years
Even friends are gender oriented in the early years.
Friendships
Core Qualities
Friends have common interests
Preoperational
children are more objective
Concrete operational
children refer to subjectivity
Loyalty also
becomes an issue in elementary school
Best friends are believed to fulfill a developmental need for self-validation and intimacy.
Emerges around
age 9
Believed to
be a stepping-stone to a truly adult romance
Friendships
Two Benefits of Friendship
Protecting and teaching functions of friends
Friends protect our developing self
Friends
give us a safe zone to grow within
Friendships
get rocky if we are let down
Friendships
end if we feel betrayed
Friends teach us to manage our emotions
Since
friendship is conditional we must control ourselves
Negotiating
conflicts is crucial to friendship
Cultural differences
Some cultures accept conflict within friendship
Other cultures feel friends must be more
identical
Private conversation is not accepted by
all societies
Popularity
Popularity
Measured by
the sociometric technique
Asking
children,gWhich people do you like most / least?h
Having friends
and being popular are two separate things. Popularity is status oriented. Not friendship.
Popularity requires prosocial skills, an
outgoing nature, adjusted well, and skilled interpersonally
Emotion regulation linked to having friends
Popularity requires proper social etiquette
Popular children are usually prosocial
and kind
Having itgall togetherhemotionally and
socially
Popularity
How do children rank others in popularity?
Popular children are frequently
named in the most liked category and never fall into the disliked pile. They stand out as being liked by everyone.
Average children receive a
few most liked and perhaps one or two disliked nominations. They rank around the middle range of status in the class.
Popularity
How do children rank others in popularity?
Rejected children frequently
appear in the most disliked pile and never in the preferred category. They stand out among their classmates in a negative
way.
Neglected children don’t
appear on the radar.
Controversial children appear in
both most liked and most disliked.
Rejected Children
Disorders of rejected children
Insensitive
children
They
have externalizing (and sometimes internalizing) disorders
Socially
anxious children are rapidly shunned
Shyness
produces a reciprocal downward spiral
Children
outside the social norms (tomboys) are also apt to be rejected
If
a child is different enough from the norm, they may be rejected
overweight, low income,
different religion or ethnicity
Rejected Children
The fate of childhood rejection
Are
rejected children going to have problems later?
Good and bad news is:
sometimes.
It depends on the behavior
that got them rejected.
Middle School Meanness
Rebellion
becomes popular in middle school.
Study
shows that girls, in particular, with high levels of relational aggression become popular:
Although they are less
likely to be liked by the larger group.
Bullying
Bullying
Victimization
Bullying
Also
known as peer victimization.
Children
low on the social ladder are typical targets.
Victims
are usually anxious, unconfident and have fewer friends.
Bullying
often requires an audience.
The
passive approval of the audience is the best place to start intervention programs.
Prevention
Prevention programs
The
Olweus bully prevention program targets the entire school
Social
skills training teaches emotional management to rejected children (usually externalizing children)
Socializing
skills need to be developed by age 5:
Elementary school can
be too late.
Intervention
needs to occur as soon as the problem is identified.
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