Chapter 10:

Constructing an Adult Life

What is an adult?

We are adults when we are able to:

§ take responsibility for our actions

§ decide on our own values and beliefs

§ have an equal relationship with our parents

§ provide for our own financial survival.

§ These events do not occur overnight.

What is an adult?

In-between

We don’t become adults instantaneously

§  In our late teens our responsibilities increase, but our roles are not that of an adult

§  Graduates from high school are no longer adolescents, but they are not yet viewed as adults

Ø This �gin-between� period used to be overlooked

Ø New research in this area is slowly developing

Ø A new term, Emerging Adulthood�, is used to define this very distinct phase of life

Emerging Adulthood

• Cultures approach adulthood differently

§  Some religions define adulthood as an age

§  Some cultures define adulthood by ritual

• We do not wake up one day an adult, but rather, we “emerge” into adulthood

• During this emergence phase of life we:

§  develop our identity

§  prepare for and find work

§  possibly go to college

§  find love

Processes and Functions

While in this phase of life, we:

§  Explore the world

§  Try out options before committing to roles

§  Find our emotional identity

§  Work towards financial independence

§  Determine our future career

The function of this process is to:

Ø  Expand our horizons

Ø  Work out our frustrations

Ø  Find our adult role

Ø  Discover where we fit in

Emergence - a sign of the times

In the past…

§  Life expectancy was 55 years.

Ø Time constraints did not allow for a long emergence into adulthood.

§  A high school education was enough to start a career or learn a trade.

Today…

§  Emergence can take an entire decade

Ø Without the pressure of it being considered a waste of time.

§  Most high school students expect to go to college. 

Ø College is essential to starting many careers.

Ø Many adults emerge in their college years.

§  Societal views can determine the direction and timing of emergence.

Societal Constraints

§  Not everyone emerges into adulthood at the same time or in the same way.

§  Family, religious, government, and other societal pressures are different for each individual.

§  Some people appear to skip the emerging stage altogether.

§  Our cultural background can determine the direction and timing of our emerging adult years.

Emerging in Italy

§  The Italian job market prefers men with families.    

§  There are strong norms against cohabitating and against unwed mothers.

§  Students often attend universities that are close to home and can take up to seven years.

§  The 20’s are spent living with the parents.

§  Adult markers of a steady job, marriage, and a car may not be achieved until after 30 years of age.

Emerging in Sweden

§  In Sweden, the 20s are seen as a time to explore, travel, and enjoy life.

§  College is financed by the government.

Ø The government encourages independence.

§  Swedish employers make an effort to hire the young.

§  Nest leaving occurs routinely at age 18.

§  Adult landmark reversal: marriage and babies

Ø Women typically marry at 30
and have their first child at 28.

Ø Men marry at 32 (average).

Emerging in the United States

Our national norm is early independence.

§  Moving out of parents’ home at 18

Ø Differs with culture and gender

»   Hispanic and Asian Americans more likely to stay in “nest” until married

»   Men tend to live in the “nest” longer than women do

§  Less predictable way of emerging into adulthood.

Ø More emerging adults moving back in with parents

“Trial marriage” is on the rise.

§  The number of unwed mothers is increasing.

NEST Leaving

In the early 1900's…

§  the average age for nest leaving was mid 20s

§  women left childhood home to get married

§  men moved out

Ø when they were financially ready

Ø if work was away from home

WWII decreased the age of male nest leaving

§  Adulthood became age 18 - when a boy went off to war.

Today, adulthood is still considered by many to occur at 18

§  High school graduation occurs at this time

§  In the U.S., finances can be a factor in not leaving the nest as early

Cultural Differences can be seen in nest-leaving

§  Children from collectivist cultures tend to stay home longer

Ø Hispanic American and Asian American value family closeness.

Returning to the Nest

l  The process of achieving adulthood is not always smooth.

l     Some emerging adults have to return home

§  These re-entries are widely accepted.

Ø Refueling and rest

§  Men tend to stay home longer than women.

§  Men are more apt to return after moving out.

At what age is returning unacceptable?

The Social Clock

We tend to relate activities in life to specific ages.

§  Childhood is marked by passage through school, an aspect of social promotion.

§  As adults, we track our passage by “age norms.”

Ø Society dictates appropriate behaviors

Ø On-time - on target for the tasks of our age

»   Dating in teens and 20s

Ø Off-time - behavior too early or too late for our age

»    Just started dating at 35 years old

§  The Social Clock is relative to the society and time                          in which we live. 

§  Being off-time can cause physical and mental         stress.

Off-time Stress

According to U.S. research, those who feel they are “off-time” often feel a great deal of distress.

l     Reports of mental disorders peak during emerging adulthood.

l     During this time, emerging adults deal with:

Ø  economics, parenthood, flunking a class

Ø  friendships, where and how to fit in

§  Through all of this, we are trying to decide who we are going to be as an adult. We need to find our identity.

Constructing an Identity

Eric Erikson's Theory: challenge in transforming our childhood self into an adult “search for identity”

§  Stage 5: Identity versus Role Confusion

Ø Identity confusion: failure in identity formation marked by a lack of an adult path

Ø Erikson proposed that during this time young people should take a moratorium to search for their identity.

Ø equivalent to Marcia's Identity Diffusion

Ø Marcia's Diffusion can lead to identity foreclosure. 

»    Foreclosure is identity acquisition without thought or active search.

Ø Identity Achievement: identity status, by Marcia, that describes an adult life path that was chosen and thought through.

§  Stage 6: Intimacy versus Isolation

Ø The search for love is the search for intimacy

Multi-Cultural Identities

§  Bicultural Identities: dual identity based on one’s traditional culture and the norms of the global society.

Ø These identities can be formed through:

»   Travel, the WWW, music, etc.

Ø Passion to connect to western culture and stay connected to one's traditional roots is played out in every developed country.

College Before Career

l  Most high school students expect to go to college and plan on a professional career.

§  66% of current HS students enroll in college.

Ø This is 16% higher than in 1970.

Ø 54% of African Americans go to college.

Ø 55% of college students are women.

l  The key to predicting college happiness and success is emotionally connecting to the school and environment it presents.

Matching Expectations & Occupations

Surveys show:

Ø Teenagers reasonably match their interests and occupations.

Ø Teens are not aware of the steps required to reach their goals.

Ø  Teens with unreasonable expectations will have a rough passage into adulthood.

The internal drive to work helps teens settle into a career and smooths the passage into adulthood.

Workers and Players

Workers are industrious and enjoy work

§  Workers talk in terms of what they intend to do.

Players find gratification in leisure activities

§  Players talk in terms of avoidance.

The worker/player label defines a spectrum

§  Those at the top end of Player risk career diffusion

§  Though the two extremes appear consistent in attitude, through the years most of us change our attitudes during our adult years.

Stability or Change

§ Older psychological thought said that childhood was a period of substantial personality change.

§ Current studies indicate that:

Ø Childhood is the period of greatest stability in personality

Ø Emerging adulthood is the period of most change in personality

§ Negativity in childhood does not doom the adult.

Ø Upbeat attitudes in the twenties is unrelated to any measure of the young child.

Ø Conscientiousness shifts upwards during the emerging adult years and we become more reliable, diligent, and careful.

Finding Flow

Flow is the feeling of being totally absorbed in an activity

Ø Time flies by unnoticed.

Ø Flow grows from intrinsic motivation.

l  If we are lucky, we find careers that create flow.

§  When we search for a career, we should look to the activities where we experience flow.

l  Is there a time in your college career that you experienced the sensation of flow?

Ø If not, you are not alone.

Emerging Directly into a Career

Although most high school students enter college:

§  Nearly 25% drop out in the first two years.

§  50% of the rest will not graduate from college.

§  Only 28% finish college before the age of 30.

l  Academic study is not geared to all learning styles. 

l  Success in a career does not always depend on a college degree.
   - An old saying goes:  The “A” student work for the “B” student in the “C” student's business.

However, most careers available without a diploma are in the secondary labor market.

Pushing the Envelope

l  In some countries, such as Japan and Germany, the non-college tract is accepted and accommodated.

Ø School-to-work transition programs

l  In the United States, we push even those who are not academically talented to attend college.

l  Is our emphasis on college misdirected?

Ø 77% of HS �students graduate from college.

Ø Only 20% of those with a C average graduate.

Ø Are we setting students up for failure?

Experience vs. Academics

Considering the data, poor high school performers may be better off getting work experience immediately out of high school.

§  Sweden's social clock for college actually begins ticking about 2 years after high school.

§  In Israel, college comes two years after high school.

§   Employers look for reliability, initiative, and harmony– which comes from experience

Ø  One can always attend college later.

§  Knowing that conscientiousness increases with age, academic success may also increase with age. 

When College is the Option

Students are more likely to stay in school if they: 

§  Become emotionally connected to the school

§  Find a student-centered faculty member

§  Get to know their adviser and find one they like

§  Take advantage of work-study experiences

§  Find diverse groups of friends in school

§  Live in the dorms (if possible)

§  Join an organization that increases their personal flow

§  Participate in the available social events

When College is the Option

Finding Love

Dating is not solely to find love. We date for:

§  simple social contact

§  recreational partners – sports, movies, and sex

§  status – to impress social contacts

Dating – New Traditions

l  The idea of “dating” without a chaperon is relatively new.

l  There are still arranged marriages today.

Even so, over the last thirty years, the landscape of love has changed in three specific ways:

§  Virtual dating

§  Non-traditional partners

§  Cohabitation

Virtual Dating

l  Do you know someone that used the Internet to find a date, love, or a spouse?

l  Internet dating techniques are similar to those of face to face dating.

l  The Internet gives a person an avenue for self disclosure – one of the four predictors of attachment.

Non-Traditional Partners

l  New studies follow trends in interracial, inter-religious, same sex, and inter-cultural dating.

§  25% of students at East Carolina University (ECU) reported dating someone of a different race and 50% said they would not be opposed to such a date.

§  Same-sex relationships are on the rise and are steadily becoming more accepted.

Cohabitation

Increasingly, unmarried couples are living together.

§  The largest group of cohabitants are between the ages of 18 and 25 – squarely in the emerging adult years.

Research indicates that cohabitation does not make a more secure marriage. 

§  Couples that live together before commitment, and later marry, divorce at a higher rate than those who commit before they cohabitate.

Cohabitation

How do we pick our mates?

Murstein divides the process into three phases:

§  Stimulus Phase

Ø The importance of first impressions

Ø We weigh expectancy for success against the perceived value of the relationship before attempting to connect

Ø Self-worth plays a major role in this phase

§  Value Comparison Phase

Ø Compare the potential partner to our image of perfection

Ø Evaluate the compromises we will have to make and decide if the relationship is worth pursuing

§  Role Phase

Ø We determine the roles we will play in a shared life

Homogamy

Similarity is one of the four determinates of attraction. 

§  We seek out people who are similar to us in our:

Ø �perceived� outward appearance

Ø internal motivators (interests, needs, and attitudes)

Ø opposites do not attract

§  We find our mates in the activities we pursue. 

Ø There is a strong passive component to homogamy

»   birds of a feather flock together

»   we are comfortable with people who share our scripts

§  Even when we find the “perfect” person, those who share strong attachments with us influence the selection process.

Homogamy

Perfection (or not)?

You found “the one” - but the situation is less than perfect.

§  You are the same sex

§  You are of different religions

§  Your cultures clash

Questions arise:

§  How do you tell your family, friends, and co-workers?

§  Will you be accepted in society?

§  Will your children be stigmatized?

§  Will you cave in to the pressures or come out?

A recent study found that only 4% of gays “coming out” to family were rejected.

Coming Out

l  Most homosexuals coming out do so at around age 19, the beginning of the emerging adult years.  However, each individual's situation is unique.

l  The best predictor of reactions in a person's intimate social circle is past behavior. Are they tolerant or homophobic?

l  Trust your gut instinct.

Rational Love?

So far, we've been rather rational in our look at love, but love isn't always rational.

People see loved ones through rose colored glasses.

§  Inflate virtues and deflate their failings

§  Overestimate similarities

Ups and downs in love:

§  Event-driven relationships are less likely to endure.

§  Personality influences relationships.

§  One of our personality traits is our attachment style.

Adult Attachment Styles

§  Although most attachment study subjects have been children, Hazan and Shaver felt that adults also fall into attachment categories.

Adult attachment styles include:

Ø  Preoccupied or ambivalent (insecure)

»  clingy people – fall deeply in love - needy

Ø  Avoidant dismissive (insecure)

»  withholding – aloof or fearful – doesn't share

Ø  Securely attached

»  joyfully – firmly – authoritatively attached person

Securely Attached People

§  Secure attachment offers happier marriages

§  More satisfied romances

§  More likely to be romantically involved

§  More involved in serious dating

§  More sensitive to signals from their partners

§  Give support when needed

l  Adult attachment styles are fairly stable, but they can change.

Attachment Stability

Self-fulfilling prophecies help maintain our attachment style.

Ø  Clingy people tend to be rejected more often

Ø  Avoidant people tend to remain isolated

Ø  A secure individual lives in an atmosphere of love

To attain a better love life:

Ø  Work on your self-esteem

Ø  Focus on the positive aspects of your partner

Ø  Find someone similar to you

Ø  Find someone with secure attachment styles

Evaluating your own relationship