CMS

Hopped an SPR.  Someone’s got to make sure you deliver.

(goes to table and throws papers around wildly)

Okay, here’s the one Rann suggested.  A missing scene in Cave of Fear for Summerlee, Roxton and Marguerite as they bring Lapprand's bones back to Lady Cassandra to save Challenger.  Summerlee explains about the effects of the fungus.  They can discuss whether Cassandra knew about the effects of the case, and if she did, how dangerous might she be.  Would they have to have a back up plan to rescue Challenger in the end?

(waves the sheet at them)

Sounds pretty good to me.

MONICA

Good, let’s use that one.  I’ll send it out today and you’d better put it up on the website as soon as you can so people who aren’t coming can have a chance to submit something too.

CMS

Okay, I’ll post it right away.  But there’s still that other practice bit you want, the  paragraph for character development and beta reading.  I’ll be waiting for it.

She disappears in a swirl of light.  Monica and Ariadne exchange a surprised look, and then shrug their shoulders.

MONICA

(fixes Ariadne with a firm look.)

Now about that paragraph.....

SCENE 2.  EXT. JUNGLE -- A FEW DAYS LATER

Arthur munches on some leaves as he talks to Joe.

ARTHUR

You know what really worries me, Joe?  Here are all these fanfic writers getting together.  They’re mostly women. And they’re writers.  And there’s going to be chocolate ....

JOE

But chocolate is a health food. What are you worried about?

ARTHUR

(snorting derisively)

You’ve been talking to CMS too much. The whole concept that chocolate is a legume is ridiculous.

JOE

(looking flustered)

It made a lot of sense to me. CMS explained the whole concept of why coffee and chocolate are health foods.

ARTHUR

(staring intently at the raptor)

Why is your forehead completely immobile? Have you been getting botox treatments again?

JOE

(flushing a mottled green)

Who me? Uhm… Uhm…

ARTHUR

I’m personally opposed to botox. But then again—I AM a beetle. Our exterior coverings are ageless after all. As for you—why worry about a few wrinkles. You’re a character actor, not a star. Your appearance on the daytime DRAMAHHH (emphasizes it for comic effect) Old, but Still Bold notwithstanding.

JOE

(cringing from Arthur’s onslaught, bravely offers)

Well, I do have several upcoming projects.

ARTHUR

(guffaws)

We real actors don’t count an appearance on Extreme Makeovers as work.

JOE

(visibly outraged)

You know I only appeared on that show to benefit the Suzy Scorpion Memorial Fund. And I wasn’t the only one. Maggie the T-Rex, Penny and Patricia the Triceratops twins and even Bob Trogman all appeared. And we all donated our appearance fee to Suzy’s fund for non-human actors.

ARTHUR

(choking)

Don’t remind me about Bob. Those wax treatments were doing weird things to his head, before I put a stop to them.

JOE

I thought it was CMS who helped him to discover his inner beauty.

ARTHUR

Bite your tongue! I—Arthur the Beetle—AM Bob’s one true guiding force. And don’t you forget it.

JOE

(rolling his eyes)

Whatever!

ARTHUR

Enough about you and Bob! Let’s talk about someone important. Me!

JOE

Sure, sure, Arthur. What’s happening in your career?

ARTHUR

I have a whole host of projects under way.

JOE

(sensing his opportunity for revenge)

I was thinking more of the projects that DIDN’T take place. Weren’t you up for the lead role in Scorpion King?

ARTHUR

(gnashing his antennae)

Yes. The Beetle King was destined to be a mega-blockbuster. Then some Hollywood suit got the brilliant idea of casting that wrestler. What was his name? The Boulder?

JOE

I think it’s The Rock.

ARTHUR

Whatever! It’s all granite to me.

JOE

I also heard you didn’t make it through the third audition for one of the hobbit roles in Lord of the Rings.

ARTHUR

I’ll have you know that I was auditioning for Viggo Mortensen’s role and I hadn’t gotten a better offer, that golden statuette would be mine, mine, mine.

JOE

Better offer?

ARTHUR

Of course. You haven’t forgotten Everybody loves Arthur? The sitcom for the whole family, with snappy dialogue and great jokes. Absolute Emmy material.

JOE

You mean the sitcom pilot that wasn’t picked up?

ARTHUR

Peter Bergmann hasn’t given up yet. Neither will I! Nor will my legions of adoring fans!

JOE

You mean—adoring FAN.

ARTHUR

It only takes one to make a difference.

JOE

(pouting)

Unlike you I have LOTS of fans.

ARTHUR

Yeah? If you count the four-year old population.

JOE

(indignantly)

Hey! My Saturday morning cartoon Dinomite has the highest rating in its timeslot.

ARTHUR

Yeah! Ron Popeil’s Set it and Forget it is tough competition, I’m sure. Quite a ratings winner there… But that still doesn’t explain the botox. After all that’s only voice-over work. No one sees your aging, wrinkled snout.

JOE

(rising up to his full height, towering menacingly over the defiant beetle)

It’s NOT botox. Just a few harmless collagen shots!! That’s all!!!

ARTHUR

(snickers)

JOE

(lifting his leg to squash the beetle, intending to put an end once and for all to Arthur’s insults)

Suddenly, reminiscent of Marguerite in Prodigal Father saving Roxton from knife-wielding Veronica, Bob Trogman flies through the air, knocking the raptor into a mud pit.

JOE

(looking deeply into Bob’s expressive eyes)

What was I thinking? Thank you, Bob, for stopping me from making a terrible mistake!

Bob and Joe hug tightly.

ARTHUR

Oh—that reminds me, Bob. Did you make my appointment at the Elizabeth Arden Spa? I have a dinner engagement with Michael Eisner tomorrow night and I need my shell polished.

Bob looks at Joe with relief, glad that Arthur as usual was completely oblivious to Joe’s momentary lack of control. Just then a black stretch SUV limo pulls up to the mud pit.

ARTHUR

Well, it’s about time!

CHAUFFEUR

You’re talking to me, bud? Sorry, I’m here for the raptor and the hairy guy. They have a plane to Toronto to catch.

Muddy, but happy, Joe and Bob climb into the limo and wave good-bye to Arthur.

ARTHUR

Good riddance! They may be seeking Summerlee, but I get to stay here with my Marguerite.

He turns around and waves an antenna welcomingly at a shapely black beetle who hops off a nearby tree branch.

END OF SHOW