The Addition Principle (Mary Rose Murrin © 1995)

*    Any small change in behavior will conquer any problem no matter how huge, given enough time and a little luck.

*    Every major religion teaches that God blesses those who make small  positive changes so believe that luck will be with you.

*    One step at a time in the right direction does a lot more than major overhauls, is easier, and the effects last longer.

*    Bigger problems need more little changes, but bigger changes will occur before you believe it.

*    When you have a big job that needs to be done, use the division principle- make the big job a lot of little behaviors

*    Abstinence feels like loss.  Loss is hard to endure.  Add behaviors, don't abstain.

*    Adding behaviors will change defeat into triumph, loss into gain, illness to recovery, grief into new beginnings.

 

A corollary to the addition principle is the division principle. The division principle comes from a terrible experience that I had as a teenager that has helped me bear many burdens throughout life.

 

One evening, it was very cold outside- one of the coldest nights of the year in New England. My Dad was supposed to come and pick me up from play rehearsal but he didn't and after waiting outside for an hour, I decided that I better start walking the 4 miles home.  About half way home, I realized that my feet were too tired to go on.  I wanted more than enything else in the entire world to just lie down on the snowbank and go to sleep.

 

At that moment, a thought came into my head and told me not to lie down- that if I laid down I would fall asleep, not be found, and die before morning.  I told this thought that I was too tired to go on.

 

The thought told me to just take one step.  That didn't sound so hard, so I did.  Then the thought told me to take another step.  And I did.  After each step I heard "Now move your left foot-OK now move your right" and so on.  After a while I argued that I couldn't take a whole step any more so I heard "OK, take a half step".  And I half-stepped most of the rest of the way home.  My Mom came home from work about midnight and came out to search for me.  She was a nurse and she knew how to defrost me without much damage.  I now recognize that ‘thought’ that saved me as the work of the Holy Spirit.

 

There are times in life when everything you need to do seems huge.  You don't do half of what you are supposed to do, and that makes things even worse.  Fear, guilt, and despair are 3 of  Satan's biggest weapons- you are better off doing exactly the opposite of anything you feel lead to do motivated by these three things- even if it is a mistake, it's your mistake.

 

I once gave this advice to someone who had trouble getting out of bed every morning.  They were in graduate school and needed to be at school every day or drown.  I told them to break everything down into the smallest steps they could and to pat themselves on the back for every step. 

 

First you're in bed.  Getting out of bed and going to work seems insurmountable- so just tell yourself that all you're going to do is put your feet on the floor.  Then say "Good, now just stand up.  Great!  Now walk to the bathroom.  Right on!  Just get dressed.  Just get something to eat. Just go to the door to see what the weather is like.   It's a nice day- take your keys and walk to the car.  Get in the car and turn on the radio- that's terrific!  Now it's easier to go to work than to walk all the way back into that house. 

 

God has a reason for every little thing.  Just because something hurts, does not mean that it is not going to help you grow.  And I believe that God has a way to turn every evil directed against you into something wonderful for your soul- if only you will trust God enough to take those baby steps in the direction He's pointing- right now at this moment- even if you're angry with Him.  I know, I've had my moments of anger with God- everyone has.  But just like the Mom in Love You Forever, God still loves us even when we drive him crazy and yes, even when we are angry!

 

Sometimes though, we won't make it all the way on a given day.  When that happens, it's important to forgive ourselves for being human and to recognize that the small gains we made during a bad time took a lot more courage than someone's else's major steps.  It's tough to go on when you feel that you can't go on- but every time you put forth the effort- it's a little easier.

 

 

And no matter what is happening in your life, the beginning of happiness is prayer.  If it is compatible with your religious beliefs, start with the Rosary.  If not, then the Bible is an answer for many people.  Anything that helps you connect with a power greater than yourself, is the beginning of DOSE (the Discipline of Self-Esteem).