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All the News That Fits
Political Satire for Kneejerk Liberals
and Card-Carrying Democrats

A Collection of Stories Culled from the
Dregs of the News Publishing World,
for your Comfort & Safety.


Assordid Commentary's New Headlines!

President Bush to Seek Third Term!

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The Gritty History of
Meets its Grisly Present:
A Cautionary Tale from 2002--
You Didn't Listen Then, Either

Surprise Appointment of Foreigner
not Seen Since Zbigniew Brzezinski
"I'm thrilled to become a part of this Administration, formally, where I was only on the outside before. We were only following the intelligence."

Meets Prez;
82nd Airborne Seeks
Meeting of Minds between King of Jordan and President Bush; 82nd
Airborne Makes Strategic Decision

Political Correctness
The Supervisors of the County of Los
Angeles Show their Mettle

Following the apparent victory by Barack Obama in the Democratic primary in June of this year, President George W. Bush "threw his hat into the ring" for reelection to his present office. His action was greeted by an incredulous and shocked outcry by political and legal commentators from all across the spectrum.

to Elect Foreign-Born President
200-Year-Old Tradition to be Discarded in Favor of Electing another Actor-turned-Governor-
Cupidity of American Public labeled "Incredible"

Enterprising Insurance Company Estab-
lishes itself as a Champion of the New
Wave in Human Resourcing while Econ-
omizing to Beat the Band!

Surprisingly, the Republicans Find
Incomplete or Partial Elections

to Fatherland Defense
"The Fourth Amendment Favors
Terrorists," says former Attor-
ney General

Invidious and Reprobate Liberals
are Changing the Plain Mean-
ing of the Good Ol' American
Language -- Like Changing
the Meaning of "National Sec-
urity Advisor" to an Actual
Advisor and not a Menial Yes-

Dick "Dark Lord" Cheney Reveals
the True Kerry Agenda. Thank
God we didn't Elect Him!

President Putin Helps Russia See
the Attractions of Czarist Past

John O'Neill Struck
Down by Amnesia
Thirty-year Amnesia "a terrible

by Paul Wolfowitz
Paul Wolfowitz Shares his Vision
for a New Tomorrow, but it
Sounds Eerily Familiar


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Hm. Actually, They Seem to be Taking to it. Never Mind.

2008 Assordid Commentary