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King of Jordan Meets Prez; 82nd Airborne Seeks Advice
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KING OF JORDAN APPEARS IN NEWS CONFERENCE

WITH PRESIDENT BUSH

– Effort to Show Confidence in Secretary Rumsfeld –

Extracted from Popular Science Magazine

In the midst of a new scandal relating to the occupation (née "liberation") of Iraq, President George H. W. Bush conducted his second news conference in as many months today. This, by contrast with the past three and a half years, when the frequency of presidential news conferences was scarcely yearly. In the joint news conference he was accompanied by King Abdullah of Jordan.

He was asked why he would not appear alone before questioners, in a reference to his unrecorded, unsworn and unremembered testimony before The National Commission on Terrorist Attacks Upon the United States (also known as the 9-11 Commission) in which he was accompanied by Vice President Dick ("Gepetto" to his friends) Cheney. He replied, "Before the 9-11 Commission I was accompanied by Vice President Cheney, the person with whom ‘I was together on that day,’ since he was hiding in a bunker while I interviewed kindergartners. And King Abdullah and I are together in combating terrorism wherever it may arise, whether in the United States or in Riyadh, Jordan."

Photographs were taken of the two principals, smiling and shaking hands, and accompanying them on the dais were Secretaries of Defense and State Donald Rumsfeld and Colin Powell, as well as the Secretary of the Interior, Gale Something-or-other, all of whom smiled and applauded the photographing which demonstrated good relations among the two countries. King Abdullah expressed his full support for the policies of The United States, and offered to send troops where they were needed. While he demurred where Iraq and Afghanistan were concerned, he seemed genuinely eager to help by shipping a division or two to the West Bank.

President Bush was asked about the pictures of apparent abuse of prisoners, setting off a scandal which has negatively colored both the liberation of Iraq and public views of his Administration’s clarity as to the task at hand. He replied, "Secretary Rumsfeld, who should have shown me the pictures, has been completely responsible for our successful occupation of Iraq, due to his preplanning and preparation. He will deal with these few rebellious thugs, who do not represent the bulk of American military personnel and who were all privates or even lower, acting on their own and completely without any direction from superiors or civilians, and who were carrying out these acts." In a followup, a reporter asked if the Administration were determined to follow the investigation wherever it led, even up the chain of command, and the President replied, "Bring it on." Secretary Rumsfeld visibly started at the remark, while Secretary Powell appeared to be laughing and clapped Secretary Rumsfeld on the back..

After the conference, Interior Secretary Gale (?) and King Abdullah and his aides retired to discuss the transfer of Maryland to the Kingdom of Jordan.

82nd Airborne Seeks Advice from Spanish Government

Translated from Correo Glaego

High-ranking officers associated with the 82nd Airborne Division, presently located in and around Baghdad and the Baghdad airport, have been spotted traveling to Madrid, where they were rumored to have consulted with members of the new Spanish Government of Spain's new prime minister, José Luis Rodríguez Zapatero, which was installed earlier this year.

Special interest is rumored to circulate around the question of Spain’s threatened recall of its troops. While military officers may not understand Democracy well, they certainly understand it when they see an army leaving a situation "where everyone is getting killed by people who hate us", said a member of the delegation who spoke for background.

"We heard that Spain was getting the hell out of here, and wanted to get some of the officers to go find out how they did it. ‘Cause not only aren’t there any WMD around this country, there seem to be an awful lot of Weapons of Convoy Destruction, if you know what I mean, and the only plan we’ve been able to come up with is to get into a nice, warm ship heading for San Francisco", said the officer.

U.S. Secretary of State Donald Rumsfeld, when asked about the visit, stated that "I have always said this country could be pacified by a couple of companies of M.P.’s, and I’m sending Paul Wolfowitz over there to lead it."

  

Hm. Actually, They Seem to be Taking to it. Never Mind.

©2008 Assordid Commentary