The Bush Administration today reacted to introduction of a bill which would repeal portions of the Paranoiacs Act, Attorney General John Ashcroft saying that the bill "unilaterally disarms America's defenses" against terrorists.

Citing the Fourth Amendment as Constitutional terrorism, Mr. Ashcroft vowed that if the bill passes, it will be vetoed by a right-thinking President. Pleased at having any thinking at all ascribed to him, the former baseball executive affirmed the words of his Attorney General, albeit tentatively, as he expressed confusion as to whether the correct word is "veto" or "vote", they are spelled so similarly.

In a history lesson uncharacteristic from the government’s chief lawyer, whose core beliefs include creation of the Universe "at some time before World War I", he asserted that "the Founding Fathers were deeply concerned with terrorism...[T]he government's ability to use roving wiretaps against terrorist suspects, to execute search warrants against suspects without immediately notifying them and to obtain business records from libraries or bookstores in intelligence investigations, among other measures, shall not be infringed."

"I’m sure it’s in the Constitution somewhere, it was just overlooked because the Clinton Administration ignored the clear warnings that were available from about 2000 on." When a reporter pointed out that the Clinton Administration ended in January, 2000, he stated, "see what I mean?"

Senator Richard J. Durbin said that the antiterrorism law, while making many reasonable changes, nonetheless "goes too far" in some instances and that the pending legislation "would protect innocent Americans from unchecked government surveillance."

The bill is "designed to impose reasonable limits on law enforcement's authority without hampering their ability to investigate and prevent terrorism," Mr. Durbin said

Dr. Condoleezza Rice, the Administration’s National Security Agreeor, when asked about Mr. Ashcroft’s remarks, stated simply, "I couldn’t agree more. Ever since I was put in charge of Iraq, it has become clear to me that nothing is wrong there, nothing is going on, there are no bombings and The New York Times is a national security threat." Although distracted at the time of the interview with sorting out all the extra double letters, an aide later affirmed her opinion.