Edward Burns is one of those actors that seems like a really cool guy to just hang out with. You know.......the down-to-earth, not a whole lotta ego kinda guys.   I was reminded of that when I caught one of my favorite movies on HBO the other night.  The movie is "She's the One", and it was written, directed and stars Ed Burns.  If you havent seen it, I suggest you put it on your list.

 

The first time I saw the movie, I fell in love with it primarily because of Cameron Diaz.  She did a great job, and it was before she got uber-skinny for the Charlie's Angels flicks.   The next time I saw it, I was in a different place in my life.  I liked it less because the happy ending was not in agreement with my perspective on life at the time, and I had trouble reconciling the story on screen with the story in my heart.

 

So fast forward a couple of years to where I am today.  I watched the movie having a completely different perspective on life, love and the concept of fate.  I watched it from the point of view of someone whos lived, loved, lost and let go.  I watched it with the eyes of a person who can see more clearly and think more positively.  I watched the movie with a greater sense of acceptance that life truly is what happens between making plans.

 

And the timing of the movie coincided nicely with a bit of an emotional hiccup in my life.  As fate would have it, I was thrown a bit of a curveball with a phone call from the past.  The old me would have probably struck out looking, never even taking the proverbial bat off my shoulder.  It would have been another long, disappointing walk back to the dugout as yet another upside-down 'K' was hung from the outfield wall.

 

But I'm not the old me.  I'm not the same guy who once spent too much time looking for comfort in all the wrong places.  I am not the same Gil who focused more on someone elses well being than my own.  This is the new me.  The new and improved me.  Rather than let that curveball cross the plate, I swung away.  I fought off every offering that came at me.  Foul ball after foul ball, I faced the full count with a determination I never felt before.  And then, almost as if without me noticing, I hit the ball straight and true.  I am not going to say I hit it out of the park, but it was enough to make the opposing manager make a call to the bullpen.

 

The important thing is I survived.  Not just the at-bat, but also the experiences that lead up to that moment.  The history and trials that led to that phone call.  I wasnt scared anymore, and I smiled all the way to first base.

 

"Shes the One" ...........or so I thought. 

 

Now, I look at life a bit differently.  I know that it's less about words like soulmates and destiny, and more about things like choices and will.  Its about believing in yourself and loving the people who believe in you.  It's about accepting that its not about your plan, its really about HIS plan.  For me, its about remembering that although I can't control what goes on around me, I can control how I choose to react to it. 

 

.....and I will always have my batting gloves on going forward!

I am at a point in my life that I did not think and did not know I could reach.  It’s a place where, for the first time in a long time, there is more open road ahead of me than broken road behind me.  And it’s great to be able to taste the flavor of potential again.  The sweet feeling of being able to do and accomplish whatever I want to do.

Speaking of sweet, I would like to take you back to last week.  Lee and I went to visit her family in Headland, Alabama.  Sweet home Alabama.  Just 90 miles north of Tallahassee, Columbia is a quiet town in a quiet corner of the South.  I was nervous at first to go visit her family, and I wasn’t quite sure what to expect.  But the visit was more than I thought it would be. 

We stayed with Lee’s Aunt Mary and Uncle Terry.  A more hospitable couple you will never meet.  Not only did they take us in with open arms, they did something better than treat me like a guest in their home.  They treated me like family.  And if you’ve ever lived in the South, you know exactly what I mean.  That feeling of family togetherness is something wholly unique to the Bible Belt, and it was wonderful to share that experience with Lee.

I was also able to meet Lee’s sister and brother-in-law, Tammy and Heath, her cousin Denise, and a handful of her friends from back home.  Everyone was just so great, and I am looking forward to going back again sometime soon.  Hopefully, we will be able to stay longer than just a weekend.  Besides, I need to catch that sunuvagun catfish that kept tormenting me that Saturday morning.  I would explain in greater detail, but that requires a whole blog entry unto itself.

Fast forward a bit to Thursday night.  Lee and I were at the House of Blues in Orlando for – you guessed it – another Sister Hazel concert.  Our eighth in 10 months, and this show was just as amazing as all the other ones.  If anything, Thursday’s show was so much greater because it was an event to raise money for Lyrics for Life.  In addition to their performance, Sister Hazel shared the stage with Emerson Hart (of Tonic), Jason Ross (of Seven Mary Three) and Aslyn.  The format was arranged so that it was not one performer followed by another.  Rather, Sister Hazel sang songs with each individual artist and each singer was able to do a couple of their own songs solo.  It really was a great, great show.

I need to take a minute to thank Otis and Ffej, two loyal and popular Hazelnuts, who gave us the sweet VIP hookup for the show.  We were able to get into the HOB before doors actually opened, and we were also able to take part in the free beer available with the passes.  Lots and lots of beer was consumed that evening, and I tip my hats to Big O and the J-Man (I just made those nicknames up).  <Thanks again, fellas.  You guys rock!>  The following night several Tampa area Nuts got together to celebrate the birthday of a fellow SH fan.  For me, it was 2 days of taking part in lots of Hazelove with all of our newfound friends.

So I look back at this week and all the wonderful feelings that were felt and experienced and shared.  I look back at the events over the past seven days and I smile as I think of the stretch of emotional highway that has gotten me here.  I take a deep breath as I compare the feelings of freedom and opportunity that I have at this moment to the myopic and suffocating thoughts I carried just last December.   I allow myself to feel proud that in six months I am able to think what I now think and believe in something I thought I lost a long time ago.

The open road I see now is made possible by several things.  The first is, and always will be, my kids.  I know that if I did not have them, I would have given up on everything at the first opportunity.  Next is Lee.  I think about a future with her and I smile.  I think about continued visits to Miami and Alabama, and it fills my heart with warmth.  I dream about my family becoming hers and vice versa, and I am reminded that in many ways this has already happened. 

Lastly, my new horizon is made possible by the entire Hazelnut community.  I can’t even begin to accurately describe what it’s like to take part in something as wonderful and special as being a Hazelnut.  It can’t be explained, only experienced.  The truly amazing aspect of it all is how the music of five down-to-earth guys has inspired thousands of individuals to come together as family.  I am blessed to be a part of it all, and I am honored to be able to share myself with them. 

I saw the sun set on my life late last year, and I thought it was all over.  However, I neglected to remember that with every sunset there is a sunrise, and with the help and support of my kids, Lee and all those Nuts, I will never lose sight of that again.  The sunset may give way to the night time, but in order to get through the darkness you must always continue chasing daylight!

I think we all keep a mental wish list in our heads of stuff we want to get.  If you’re a woman and the stuff involves shoes, then it’s a list of stuff you NEED to get.  But I was thinking about several CD’s that would be cool to buy (apparently Hootie & the Blowfish came out with 2 CD’s and no one told me!), and how a trip to Best Buy is in order.  It’s dangerous because 2 CD’s can easily turn into 5 or 6, and $120 later I realize I didn’t ACTUALLY need these CD’s.

 

So I am sitting at home and I see an ad for a new Billy Joel double-live CD.  After adding it to the mental list, I reminisced about how I grew up listening to Billy Joel and how his work is part of the archetypal foundation of my musical preferences.  I started thinking about all his songs I know by heart, and all the lyrics over which I spent many countless hours pondering.

 

I ran through the mental play list in my head – which just so happens to be right next to the wish list – and I got to “Say Goodbye to Hollywood.”  On lyrical line in particular jumped out at me….again.  “Life is a series of hellos and goodbyes / I’m afraid it’s time for goodbye again.”  That line always makes me stop and think.  It never fails to remind me that our current state of being is temporary, and that our lives are constantly in flux.  We may not always realize it, but it's true.

 

I see it in my daughter.  She had another baby tooth come out last night.  Her mouth is evolving into its adult form.  Her body, unfortunately, is also evolving into its adult form.  She told me today that she can’t wait to become a teenager.  I didn’t catch what she said after that given the dizziness and nausea that followed her statement.  But I can’t deny she is growing up, and her life and mine are constantly changing.

 

I see it in the relationship I have with one of my dearest friends.  The irony is that I haven’t spoken to him in two weeks.  Whereas we used to do just about everything together, now we seem to go out of our way to stay busy and not get together.  Sure there is fault on both sides of the fence, but the reality is that it’s not what it used to be.  Our friendship changed and evolved and took its new course.

 

Just like a river left alone in nature, our lives meander across the fields that make up our journey.  Similarly, where erosion and sedimentation determine the changes in a river’s form, so do the deconstruction and establishment of new relationships determine the ebb and flow of our lives.  What’s truly amazing is the constant swaying of our meandering lives causes interaction with the meandering lives of others, the result of which can have an impact on so many people down the road. 

 

To stay with the water analogy, the experiences of our lives are not like a drop in a pond, but rather like a rock made to skip across that pond.  The present is fast and fleeting, and every interaction of the rock’s exterior with the surface of the water causes a ripple that extends and encounters different ripples from the same rock along the way.  And even though the pond may look the same, it will forever be changed, even in the slightest, by that skipping rock.

 

Tomorrow is going to come whether I like it or not.  My kids are going to grow up, become adults, and have a family of their own whether I like it or not.  Friends will come and friends will go.  Memories will be made; some bad but mostly good, and life will continue to force us to evolve, whether we like it or not.  I’m just glad God has given me the opportunity to feel the water as I skip across this pond of life.  That and the new CD’s.