Sunday, September 30, 2007
That Infernal Daunte
I used to say there are only three things in life which I take seriously; my faith in God, the love of my family and
friends, and Miami Dolphins football. Following a 0 – 4 start by my Fins to the 2007 season, not to mention their recent
history of mediocrity, the key to my opening sentence is ‘used to say’. I’m still a fan and I am sure I will still subject
myself to the weekly torture of watching them be one of the worst teams in the NFL, but I am also sure it will be done with
abject reservation of real emotion.
Following a loss, I am usually grumpy and crabby and looking to replace some piece of furniture I keep telling my girlfriend
I ‘accidentally’ broke, but not today. Today’s loss to the historically hated Raiders - Stabler’s knee was down - is
somewhat bittersweet. Prior to the game, I sat down in front of my computer to get caught up on the season premier of
‘My Name is Earl’ which I forgot to record. So it’s only appropriate then that Karma made an appearance in this game
between Oakland and Miami.
Let me take you back to the beginning of LAST season, when the Dolphins had acquired Daunte Culpepper from the Vikings
following his recovery from a devastating knee injury. There was a buzz about Daunte’s ability to throw the ball downfield,
to use his size to power through linebackers, and assuming his knee was recovered, bring Miami back into the ranks of a winning
franchise. He was rushed into the starting position and ended up having a miserable 4 games to start the season.
The organization blamed Culpepper’s knee, labeled him a has-been, placed him on injured-reserved, and Culpepper never played
another game for the Dolphins.
Then came the fiasco with Nick Saban bolting to Alabama, Cam Cameron being named the new head coach of the Fins, Trent
Green being picked up in a trade with the Chiefs and Daunte Culpepper being unceremoniously and disgracefully escorted from
the Dolphins training facility by security. Just like that, the player who was supposed to be the savior of the franchise,
the next great Miami quarterback after Griese and Marino, was just dropped like a bad habit. For a kid who grew up in
Ocala a Dol-fan, dreaming of playing in aqua and coral, it was a slap in the face.
So as the clock ticked down on a 35-17 loss, there was a wry smile to my face. It wasn’t just because my Marlins
were beating the Mets and crushing their hopes for the post-season, but also because the Raiders owed their win to a kid from
Ocala who was supposed to be a has-been quarterback. The fact Daunte Culpepper was even playing for the Raiders to begin
with is a cosmic event in and of itself.
In a nutshell, the Raiders drafted quarterback Jamarcus Russell in April with the first overall pick. Russell held out
until September for a better contract deal, and signed only after the Raiders acquired Culpepper as a free agent. Josh
McCown was named the starter for the Raiders but suffered an injury in week three. So there was Culpepper ready
to start at quarterback against the team that treated him with absolutely no class just two months ago.
Duante completed only five passes on Sunday, but two of those were for touchdowns. More importantly, the has-been
kid ran – yes RAN – for three scores against the Dolphins. Following his second rushing touchdown, Daunte pointed to
his surgically reconstructed knee and then gave the Dolphins Stadium crowd an ‘OK’ symbol. OK as in “Who’s a has-been
now?” OK as in “Where’s your security escort now?” OK as in “Oh Karma!”
I guess I will still take Dolphins losses to heart, but this particular loss is OK with me.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
A Handful of Memories - (CandyHam Repost)
Originally Posted April 25, 2006
I was introduced to a song today. The song is “Daddy’s Hands” by Holly Dunn. Before I go into any detail
about the song, I would like to provide you with a little bit of background.
My girlfriend, Lee, lost her father, Jimmy, in 2000 as a result of his battle with cancer. Of the songs played at his
funeral, one was “Amazing Grace” and one was “Daddy’s Hands.” Lee and I participated in the Relay for Life event in
New Tampa this past weekend. As part of the opening ceremonies for the Relay, a young woman sang “Amazing Grace.”
This triggered a slew of memories and emotions in Lee, and she consequently told me about the song “Daddy’s Hands.”
“Daddy’s Hands” is one of the most beautiful songs I’ve ever heard.
The lyrics are just amazing, and in reading them, I hope to have them serve as a benchmark for my life. I see how
Lee looks back at the memory of her father with fondness and admiration. I think if Lee were given the opportunity to
have written the song, the lyrics would be exactly the same. It’s almost as if this song was written specifically for
Jimmy.
This makes me think about the relationship I am fostering with my daughter, and how I want her to someday look back on
me in the same way Lee looks back on her dad. I want Natalie’s memories of me to be nothing but positive and memorable.
I want her to think of me and smile because of all the happy moments we shared and all the wonderful memories we created together.
I also want the same of my son, Daniel. I know the bond between a father and daughter is different than that of
a father and son. So much so that I worry at times that I am taking away from him because I worry so much about my relationship
with Natalie. I don’t think I am, but I do know that right now, at their respective ages, I favor more to my little
girl. And that’s OK. I am a firm believer in the concept that a woman defines herself based on her relationship
with her father. For as much pressure and anxiety as that reality may bring, I accept it and strive to do right by both
my kids in all that I do.
“Daddy’s hands weren’t always gentle but I’d come to understand, there was always love in Daddy’s hands”
I hope both my kids will one day hear this song and think, “Yeah. That’s exactly what dad was like.” If I can get
them to do that, then I know I’ve done a good job in raising them. Knowing how Lee identifies this song with the memory
of her father, I know that Jimmy did a superb job in raising his daughter. It’s strange that I can admire a man I never
had the privilege of meeting, but nevertheless I do.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Something's Missing - (CandyHam Repost)
Originally Posted April 21, 2006
I miss my kids. As a result of their uncle being in town from Venezuela, they have had
a week full of plans and I have not seen them since Monday evening. Even though I have had the opportunity to talk to them
every night, it’s not quite the same.
The funny thing is that I was always of the opinion that I could handle extensive
time away from my kids without it bothering me. In 2004, I traveled to San Francisco for a week for a conference, and I don’t
think I missed them then as much as I do right now. Granted, my situation was very different at that time. I was only four
months removed from splitting up with my wife and leaving the house, I was searching for answers regarding the direction of
my life, and I was distracted by conference and the beauty of San Francisco.
Today, I have much more stability in my
life. I have my new place and newfound personal direction. And it is clearer to me everyday that my kids provide me with
that sense of stability I crave. My children are the reason I do what I do. Sure, I may make subtle comments from time to
time about ‘the cost’ of being a parent, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I need them in my day to day. I need
knowing I am going to pick them up after school and share some time with them. I need to know that I have to keep the pantry
stocked with Fruit by the Foot, Gushers, popcorn, and fruit snacks. I love watching Daniel sit back and play Sonic on my
PlayStation. I cherish playing Tag with Natalie and watching her crack up in unabashed fashion.
I have contemplated
career opportunities that require travel and time away from home. I look at vacation plans and weekend getaways that keep
me away from my kids. I think about how little time I actually spend with my children, and how this time away from them makes
me appreciate them even more. And I have learned that being a parent is more than a responsibility. In many ways it’s a
privilege because of all the rewarding moments that come with raising kids and watching them grow up and succeed. I see my
kids as my vocation, and I know now, more than ever, that I am nothing without my children.
9:05 pm est
Dream of Californication
So it's 1:30 in the morning and I'm awake and writing. The culprit of my regularly scheduled insomnia is this little thing
we like to call On Demand. No, not the Diamond Vision kind you find on your hotel bill following a week long business
trip to Ft. Wayne, Indiana; but rather, the Showtime original series Californication.
If you haven't seen it, the show stars David Duchovny as Hank Moody, a one-hit-wonder writer living in Los Angeles, desperately
trying to win back the woman he let get away – played so elegantly by the very beautiful Natascha McElhone. So here
is this character, this self-loathing, gratuitous yet talented, apathetic anti-hero who allows himself to maintain some level
of decency only for the sake and sanity of his daughter. I'll give you a second to think why I might like the show.
So after having watched 4 consecutive episodes in the comfort of my bed, I have now trudged myself downstairs so I can
capture the minestrone of ideas into this little blog of mine. At first I wasn't sure what I wanted to write.
What is it about this show that's so engaging to me? What makes it so captivating? Then I realized I was just
stalling, the way you would stall when you don't want to tell your kid the dog died. The truth is I want to be Hank
Moody.
Okay. Perhaps I don't want to be exactly like the main character in this show. He's a chain-smoking, womanizing
asshole, and anyone who knows me will tell you I don't like cigarettes. The reality is I totally admire the unabashed moxie
Duchovny's character portrays. (On a side note, did you know Moxie is considered to be this country's first mass produced
soft drink? Hmmmmmm). Anyway, Hank Moody doesn't care about anything except his daughter and the woman he can no longer have.
Everything else is just details.
I know it sounds weird but there are times when I wish I could so perfectly blend passion and apathy the way Hank does.
I wish I could seamlessly spout off witty remarks and perfectly timed phrases without having to type them out three … make
that four … times and relying on spell check as a crutch. And I know the reason Hank Moody is so cool and collected
and kick-ass is because the writer that created him, and continues to make him exist from episode to episode, did indeed take
three, four, or fourteen passes at a script before getting it right.
I guess I am left pondering why we allow ourselves to be drawn so tightly into TV shows. Is it because we relate
to the characters and want to identify certain aspects of our personalities? Is it because we long to be like them;
strong, funny, witty, attractive, admirable? Or perhaps it's a little bit of both. Perhaps it's the escapism that hooks
us in. It's emotional crack after a long day at work. Or maybe it's just me. Lord knows I'm in the minority
when it comes to America's viewing habits. I hate reality TV – although I make an exception for Rock of Love – and I
am not a huge fan of news magazine shows. I have two wonderful and beautiful kids, and a loving and supportive girlfriend.
By any standard, my life is great. From what do I need to escape?
I think when it comes to Californication, I love getting lost in the convex that is a character I'd like to become (a somewhat
successful writer who's novel was made into a movie) and a character with whom I can relate (a guy who messed up royally,
is hoping to get his life back on track, and who's responsibility as a dad is the only thing keeping him stable). I
was there in 2005, lost, alone and confused, hoping I could find a way to make it to where I am today. And so here I
am now, reborn and reinvented, hoping to find the way and the courage to get to where I want to be. At the end of the
day, Hank Moody is a made-up character living in a made-up world. My world, on the other hand, is quite real. Now if
only all things in life were as easy as On Demand.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Operation Swan Dive Recap
My long and wordy recap of my experiences at Operation Swan Dive can be found on
my OSD page. ENJOY!!
